Back To Bliss: A Journey To Zero by Santosh Jha (pdf e book reader TXT) 📕

He had grown up but his woolgathering habit had not worn out. At times, he would feel ashamed about it even making unsuccessful resolves that he would cease to do it as it was childish act, unbecoming of his age. He however knew; there were millions of people who were doing similar things with the help of computer. The virtual world software enabled them to create a world of their own. He even got to know that there were small groups of people who had created what was being called micronations. These people had declared their small and personal habitat as independent nations irrespective of the need of recognition. In these micronations, laws did not ascertain behavior of people but people decided what would be the law governing them.

These micronations were at least not as unreal as the virtual world was and they certainly allowed some degree of freedom of expressions and option to the free will of humanity. They at least registered the ideal that people create institutions to enrich humanity with greater options, potential and possibilities and not for subverting them. In the evolution chain, institutions created by humans have become potent tools of slavery for humanity itself.

The clock was ticking for Mayank. He had to make a decision. His indecisiveness was his safe refuge but he too knew, it was not the demand of the hour. He could not always afford to trivialize the social benchmarks. His withdrawal, even for short period would be considered as escapism. Social mindset never appreciates indecisiveness. Even if you take a suicidal decision, it must be taken fast. This is what the corporate world appreciates as aggressive approach. Economics is the only place where aggression is praised. Kids are now taught to be the same, not at home but in their classrooms. He made up his mind and planned his next move. He called up Utkarsh first. He agreed. Ashish had no choice. He could never say no to Mayank.

**

CHAPTER 12

There was nothing unusual about the three friends meeting late evening and talking past mid-night. This had been a practice since their college days. However, Utkarsh had an intuition that this meeting had something unusual; at least what it would end up with. He had sensed trouble as Mayank insisted that the meeting was very crucial and could not be delayed even for a day. He dropped in early to have a one-to-one talk with him before Ashish arrived. He sat quietly till Mayank made coffee.

“For years now, we have sat together to discuss issues and then reach on a key decision but I have a feeling that you have already decided something very important and called us to just announce it. I think Monku you should come clear on that. I am not complaining but it is important for me to know. I have always trusted your decisions and you know it very well that I also respect your freedom to make them. But, I need to be told as honesty and transparency has always come first in our relationship.”

Mayank did not say a word. He had lowered his eyes, looking at the steam rising out of the coffee cup. He shuffled his memories to find the right reply. Being a journalist, he always remembered how important it was to have a good content as introduction of an impacting story. A good content was one which could have a smooth navigation.

“You remember the cricket match we played against the St. Xavier’s school when we were in class six”, Mayank asked still looking at the coffee cup. “You were at the non-striker end and screaming at me as I was continuously missing the ball outside the off stump. From the non-striker end, you could easily see the out swing that the bowler was able to get but I was new to the crease and realized it only after you told me at the end of the over. You later told me that you thought I knew the ball was swinging and still playing dangerously.”

Utkarsh could not resist his tears. He took his arms and hugged him. Both friends washed their guilt.

“Monku, I am still scared when I feel you play and miss it outside the off stump. I do not care whether you make a century or not. All I want is both of us remaining together at the crease till the end of game.”

“What if the bowler bowls a really good ball? I can only assure I won’t be out on a bad ball.”

“This is exactly my concern. If you play to the merit of the ball and not commit yourself to a stroke even before the ball leaves the hand of the bowler, I am over confident you will never be out.”

“I have not committed to a stroke... not made a decision as yet. But I can admit that I am drifting fast towards a decision. There are some missing links. Things have unfolded in such fast pace that I could not acquaint you and Ashu with them. That is why; it seems to you that I am not being honest. The reality is in the making and we are sitting together to talk about all these.”

Utkarsh could not be sure how he felt after Mayank’s explanation. He still felt some unease as he could sense that Mayank had already half committed him to some important decision. He had an intuition that this decision would change things in their friendship and would bring up an adjustment which would be difficult for him.

“I have a feeling that you have breached the G-3 constitution of collective decision-making. I have enough reason to believe that there is another person in your life who is replacing me and Ashu in the collectivity. Who is this girl”, Utkarsh said, sounding, as if he was complaining.

Mayank smiled. This is the magic of transparency. The two friends were so honest and unambiguous to each other that they could see through their minds.

“How could you know there is a new person in my life; that too a girl and influencing my decision”, Mayank asked, still smiling.

“This is no Sherlock Holmes stuff Monku. I know you are not gay. I can see a new confidence in you and that comes only when a female is involved in the decision-making process of a man. I am married for the last six months, you know that.”

Both the friends laughed heartily. Mayank told Utkarsh everything about the woman in his life and the influence of her being an enormous enterprise for him.

“You know Utta, I am being challenged. And it has exposed me completely. I can say this to you with complete innocence and self-aplomb. Love does different things to different people. It has exposed me. Her love for me has dwarfed me, made me feel what a pauper I have been all these years. But look at the goodness of love; I don’t feel ashamed nor is my pride hurt. I am exhilarated, deeply satisfied that I am such a stupid. Love has stripped me off the pride of the useless possessions and as now I stand naked, I am truly happy because I can see what is to get and that seems gettable.”

Utkarsh knew, Mayank did not need a prompt to continue. The two had such trust between them that there was never a need of confirmation from the other. He could feel Mayank was on song. He would call him Utta, only when he would be emotionally too high. He ensured closing the world to his five senses to be in complete audience of the song of life.

“I think you remember Utta, we had a serious difference of opinion and our friendship was threatened when we were in class three. We were discussing what we would become when we grew up and you had declared that you would run a shop selling kites and its accessories. I had grave objection as I told you I had decided much before that such a shop would be mine. I even offered you to drop your plan in favor of mine and instead settle for a pastry shop but you didn’t accept. We had quarreled over the issue and for three days we did not speak to each other.”

“Yeah Monku”, he said with tears lining up in his eyes. “We were too stupid not to understand that we both could have opened similar shops or we could have done it on partnership basis.”

“That’s it…this exactly is it! Even now Utta, we are in similar state of stupidity. At all stages of life, wisdom always escapes us by what looks like a short margin and life-long, we chase stupidity. Wisdom is always round the corner but seems a step ahead of us. For most people, wisdom is available only in retrospect but we have only one life to live. If I were to relive my childhood, I would give that kite shop to you and would also agree to be with you in the shop all the time. Being with you and having common joys is the wisdom I can now understand but could not do it then because we did not then understand love. Love holds the wisdom, does not allow it to slip away.”

“You’ve got it right Monku, even I’m not embarrassed to admit that being in love is the true satisfaction, if not the right wisdom?”

“No…no! Not being in love but love itself. And it is because it exposes you to the stupidity of the world and yours. When you become love, you see the wisdom. Oh my God…how can I express it…it is like….! I can say that…you know, what we all do basically is chase our shadows throughout our lives. The source of light coming from behind, our shadow is always a step ahead of us. The source of light being the social expectation, or to say the world view created by our contemporary social definition of success and goodness, coming from behind, creates the shadow of personal benchmarks for us. And in sheer madness and stupidity, we chase this personal shadow to attain the benchmarks. We die tired and exhausted but fail to understand that shadows will always be unreachable as it will always walk a step ahead of us. What love does to you is put a new light in front of you and suddenly, your shadow shifts behind you and starts following you. You become a step ahead of your shadow and this is the ideal situation, the wisdom. The shadow of your personal success and goodness, defined by social expectations should always follow you and never the vice-versa. We quarreled in childhood over that kite shop because we put our personal success ahead of us. Had we understood love then, we would have known that wisdom was not in owning the shop but it was in being together in any shop, whoever owned it.”

“Monku, I really miss Ashu to know what he takes out of your wisdom thing. I have always found myself close to your ideas but even you would admit that ours is not the world view that majority of people have. Ashu probably holds the common man’s world view, which is also the popular one.”

“Yes, I accept that. Human mind is all about societal training. We were all trained the way our parents and their forefathers were taught and trained by their societies. We quarreled in childhood because we were trained to the idea of ownership as benchmark of personal success and goodness. If we were trained in childhood in the tradition of love and compassion, we would have understood that ownership was not the joy thing; the joy is in just being there…together. It is redundant who possesses a rose garden. Important it is that we have the mental training