Crossing the Mirage: Passing through youth by BS Murthy (interesting novels in english txt) 📕

on occasion in life. And what happened instead? I’d furthered her love to fuel her passion, only to wound her psyche in the end! And then, how I failed to give her the picture of my own love when I really started loving her genuinely. Oh, how I’ve wronged her! What did I give her in return for her love? It dawned on me too that while I was patting myself for so long for being smart, she found herself smarting from my duplicity. Oh how distressing it is to think of that now and am I not ashamed of myself for being so crass with her. My inexperience of life is no excuse really. The fact that I could be so insensitive for that long, about something so apparent, makes me appear mean in my own eyes. As I fell in my own esteem, I crave for her pardon, and though she got it even with me in the end, I think, it’s no consolation for her for what all she had suffered at my hands.”

“I’m sure your meeting her helps,” said Chandra.

“That’s again a dilemma,” said Sathya resignedly. “I’m dying to apologize to her telling the telling affects of poetic justice on my life but I'm afraid my trespass on her life might open up her old wounds making her even sorer about it now. At least, I can spare her that, shouldn’t I? I feel it is better that I wait till we grow older by which time she would’ve put the memory of my deceit in the vault of her forgotten past,  which means that I've to bear my cross that long or may even die with my burden of guilt intact. That's about the uncertainty of life and death.”

“It's no choice of love?”

“Sadly we both took turns to let down our love when life gave us the choice,” said Sathya

 “Is it your guilt alone that’s urging you to see her?” said Chandra probing further.

“I’m craving to see her more than ever,” said Sathya, lamenting about his loss, “and to put it in Kala's words, I’m the one who lost her love. As I told you, I was blind to her charms in the beginning, but after losing her I realized what a desirable woman she is. The irony of our love was that she came into my life as a kaccha girl and got out of it as a pucca woman, making it a premature affair either way. Had she not disclosed her love to me then, I would’ve fallen for her as she grew up anyway. The ironical tragedy of our love-less life is that she courted me when I was half-hearted and banished me when I craved for her heart and soul.” 

“I think,” said Chandra, “it’s time we moved.”

“If you don’t mind,” said Sathya, “I would freshen up.”

‘Oh, how small the world really is,’ thought Chandra in wonderment, ‘why, smaller than Prema would’ve ever imagined! But then, hasn't Sathya thrown me into a dilemma?    Left to us, won't Prema's path of divorce take us to ménage á trios sooner or later? Maybe, sooner than later, that is. What a wonderful woman she’s to have, that too with Nithya’s prop up! Oh, how that would enliven my own life even more! But, having known it all, won’t it be cruel to keep the wronged lovers apart that too when they need each other more than ever before. What if I'm caught at some point of time, Nithya might be sympathetic but can I ever show my face to Prema? Oh, how saddened she would be to know that she was fated to have tricksters for mates. More so, if I fail them, won't I have to live in guilt all my life? Well, let me render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s.’

“What are you thinking about?” said Sathya, who got ready by then. “Let’s go, you'll know.”

 Powered by a sense of goodwill, Chandra drove Sathya towards his destiny.

“Wait. I shall open it,” said Sathya, as Chandra stopped the Fiat at that gate.

“Why not,” said Chandra to Sathya, “the calling bell is on the left.”

“What about you?”

“I'll join you in time,”

As Sathya pressed the button tentatively, Chandra drove away assuredly.

 

Chapter 25

Embrace of Love

 

With no response for long, Sathya held on to the buzzer a little longer. When Prema opened the door in her bathrobe, she found herself staring wide-eyed as Sathya remained speechless. 

“Oh, you,” she welcomed him being the first to recover, “looks like its Godsend.”

“What a pleasant surprise!”

“What do you mean?” she said, surprised in turn.

“I find it’s all so puzzling,” he said trying to figure out the equation, “you, at Chandra’s place!”

“What!” she exclaimed looking at the gate.

“I thought it’s his house,” he said equally surprised.

“How long have you known each other?” she said having come to see Chandra’s good turn.

“We met only recently,” he said unable to make head or tail of the equation.

“Oh, I see, step into our small world,” she said in delight.

 “How kind of him that he brought me to the threshold,” said Sathya smelling a rat, and went in behind her.

“I told him our story without naming you,” she said.

“Now I see,” said Sathya sitting in the sofa, “he made it two plus two after hearing my version of it. What a lovely way he made us meet!”

“I’m glad you still recall our saga,” she said, sitting by his side.

“Can either of us ever forget it?” he said and added in apparent hurry. “I’m dying to tell you something. When is Vasu expected?”

“He won’t be back till a week,” she said all smiles. “So you’ve all my eyes and ears till then.”

“Thank you,” he said smilingly, “but I won’t bore you for that long.”

“Hope you don’t mind if I engage you as long,” she said, going into the kitchen. “Let’s have some coffee first.”

“It is ages since I had anything from your hand,” he said, following her into the kitchen.

“Haven’t you got married?”

“I failed to induce any.”

“Don’t tell lies,” she said heartily, “you ladies’ man!”

“Don’t you know I’m unlucky in love?” as he said, his manner mirrored the sadness of his heart.

“Don’t be so mean,” she said equally affected by his manner. “Why don’t you say we’re unlucky in love?”

“I was blind to your beauty when you loved me,” he said as he sighed. “And when I could visualize your charms, you opted to get out of my sight, that’s the crux of my tragedy.”

“Don’t you realize the same was the case with me?” she said sounding sad. “I craved for you when you were tentative and shunned you as you were insistent.”

“To tell you the truth,” he began tentatively, “I realized only recently how my conceit would’ve affected your life. It took the meanness of a woman to make me realize how mean I was to you. It was a sort of poetic justice for you that made me cry in shame and regret all that night. Ever since, I was dying to tell you that fate had paid me back in the same coin. I hope you will care to listen, at least this time.”

“I’m sorry on both counts,” she said melancholically. “Don’t I know that not giving you my ear then was the cause of my ruin? How I rued that mistake I only know. Maybe, I owed it to my horrible fate. Barring that accursed time, I always felt your fortunes and misfortunes are mine as well. Oh, tell me what happened?”

As Sathya narrated the tale of his unrequited love, Prema saw the mirror images of her past agonies.

“It’s thus fate made it even for me,” he said in the end. “Now it’s up to you to forgive me.”

“Oh, your suffering was ethereal for its purity of love and the spirit of sacrifice,” she said moved herself. “But my predicament was all about hurt pride fouled up by spite.”

“Whatever it was,” he said, “you’d undergone what you’d undergone because of me. I seek your forgiveness if you don’t feel the same bitterness now.”

“I’ve always felt you’ve a heart of gold and the soul of a saint, in spite of that sin that is,” she said holding his hand. “I'm happy that my belief in you is proved right.”

“Your understanding is heartening,” impulsively he went on his knees to her. “But it’s your forgiveness that I seek.”

“Get it straight from my heart,” she said, pushing his head onto her bosom.

“You don’t know,” he said, resting his head on her bust, “how tiring it is forever losing in love.”

“I’m sorry for you,” she pressed him further.

“Have you forgiven me for my sin?” he asked looking into her eyes.

“Kiss me,” she said, lifting his head and reaching for his lips, “like you kissed the first time.”’

So to retrieve their lost souls, they found themselves digging with their tongues in deep kissing. And then the phone rang as though to prevent a premature beginning to their momentous reunion.

“It’s Prema here.”

“Nithya calling, am I disturbing?”

“Benefactors won’t disturb,” said Prema joyously, “do they?”

“How’s the bonanza of love?” said Nithya, unable to restrain herself.

“Oh what a dream Chandra scripted for us,” said Prema in the same vein. “Sathya wants to thank him.”

“Hi Sathya!” said Chandra at the other end.

“Why, don’t I count anymore?” said Prema who still held on to the receiver.

“I know you’ve got your right count,” said Chandra. “I’m happy for you really.”

“Didn’t I tell you,” said Prema, “you and Sathya have many things in common?”

“Thank you for repeating it,” said Chandra.

“Well, Sathya is impatient,” said Prema.

“I am indebted to you,” said Sathya to Chandra, “for helping me to unburden myself.”

“What about crossing the mirage?” asked Chandra.

“I’m bogged down with tears.”

“Then let me speak to Prema.”

“Hello, tell me,” said Prema.

“Do hold on,” said Chandra. “Nithya says now it’s her turn.”

“Why not yourself lead him to the oasis?” said Nithya all the while sharing the receiver with Chandra.

“Well, my tears of joy are shaping one!” said Prema.

“Make it big enough for bathing in love,” said Nithya laughingly. “Good night.”

“I’ll tell you tomorrow,” said Prema coyly, “and good night for now.”

“Tell me about you,” said Sathya as Prema had hung up.

“Discourse after dinner.”

“I’m hungry for both.”

Prema after dinner bared her soul and detailed Vasu’s character.

“I thought marriage would’ve changed him,” he said feeling sad for her predicament, “and you could be happy yourself. I’m sorry for your misery.”

“Maybe, I deserved this fate,” she said in tears. “Oh, why did I reject you out of hand?”

“It was natural after all,” he tried to lighten her burden.

“I didn’t realize I was cutting my nose out of spite for you.”

“Now that we know our minds,” he said, “we'll be less bitter about it all.”

“Mud head,” she tapped on his head. “I think I’m destined to take the initiative when it comes to us. I’ve filed for divorce and hope to be single soon enough. Won’t you like to marry me after I’m free, and make me yours in the meantime?”

“Oh, really!” he said as he hugged her in ecstasy, “what a windfall to our love at your seductive best!”

As she melted in his embrace, he lost no time in making her crouch on the couch to enter the arena of her longing. At length, fulfilled, as she stretched her limbs, satiated, he lay outstretched on her.

“Oh, God, I now know the true meaning of sex for a woman,’ she said, smelling
Keo-Karpin in his hair. ‘Sex seems to be more real for a woman than all the pining of her love. Had you had me that first day, the latter-day aberrations wouldn’t have disturbed our equation. What a pity, all your loving entreaties failed to sway me away from Vasu for I had had sex with him by then.”

She kept mum as if atoning for her folly while he reminisced over the night of Kala’s advances.

“Strangely sex seems to affect the sexes differently,” she continued. “The more a man has a woman, the more he finds his urge