The Sparkle that Killed My Loneliness by Deb Weber (novels for teenagers .txt) 📕

“So, Jay, um. It was fun, thank you for coming along. Maybe you want to come clubbing with me and my clique again?”

I grinned and said, “Of course I wanna come again, it was an awesome evening, thanks so much! I can’t imagine what it would have been like if I’d stayed at Ashley’s party.”

Reece laughed, asked me for my phone number and gave me his contact. He said he’d call me next weekend or whenever he felt like partying. Then he waved and walked in the opposite direction of my way home. I stood there for probably five minutes and let the experiences of the evening settle down in my thoughts. I moved towards the subway and reached my apartment door at around 4 a.m. Sleep came easily that night.

The next morning I could barley open my eyes. My head hurt like a beat-up football and the sunlight was too bright. I moaned and rolled out of bed, but unfortunately missed the edge and crashed onto the floor with an almighty bang. The neighbor smashed his fists against my wall and I hurriedly shouted an apology. That guy always heard everything. I lifted my flabby body on my feet and somehow found the kitchen, where I poured myself a glass of water and checked my phone. That was the moment when I couldn’t believe my still tightly-clenched-together-eyes. There was a message from Reece. I grunted in surprise and read it again, this time actually managing to concentrate on the context.

“Morning, Jay. I guess you also have quite the hangover? Haha, sorry. Hey, next Friday is a party from a friend of mine and I wouldn’t mind having you there. Whaddaya say? Reece.”

My heart rate sped up slightly and I couldn’t help but smile. Maybe this was developing the way I dreamed about? However, I couldn’t be sure just yet. It may be that he only wanted me as a friend and nothing more. He didn’t strike me as gay or bi, but then again, you couldn’t be sure about that either. My parents also hadn’t suspected my being bi.

I answered him and then wandered back to my bedroom and dressed myself. I had already put a plan into motion. Today, I would go shopping and buy some new clothes because I really needed a new and better look. With a huge grin, I finished my tour through my bathroom and went to the city for some serious shopping.

It was frustrating. I couldn’t find anything that suited me or that I had in mind. I checked every store and still didn’t see any piece of clothing which instantly caught my eye. I had never been good at this. And I couldn’t just call somebody and ask him to help me. I was alone and certainly felt lonely. At least there was Reece, if only in my head.

One hour later, I had finished shopping. My prey was meager. A new pair of dark blue jeans, a grey T-shirt, a brown thin leather jacket and a black scarf would have to do. It had looked better on that store window mannequin than on me, but I was really annoyed and tired and couldn’t be bothered to continue shopping. I realized I was only doing this to look better for Reece. I was thinking about him pretty much all the time now and it was getting worse. Okay, maybe I was half in love with him. With his nice and caring manner, his beautiful and bright smile, his shining blue eyes and the perfect dark hair, the toned body… I sighed and immediately bit my lips and looked around. If anyone had seen me, they would have thought I was crazy, sitting alone in a restaurant at a small table, staring into open space with dreamy eyes and sighing. That was so girly.

The next week started as normally as it could get around Ashley and my job at the Funny Dancer. She asked why I had suddenly disappeared at her party and I gave her a pretty good lie about my mother being sick and needing my help. I also looked through the internet and newspapers for a new job, possibly a better one, but couldn’t find anything that appealed to me. It seemed like the market only wanted cleaners and babysitters. The higher vacancies asked for engineers, secretaries, CEOs, teachers and everything else. However, nobody needed a film director or producer.

Wednesday evening, I was bored to hell. And I mean hell. The TV offered no movie worth watching, my fridge was empty, surfing the Internet had gotten boring an hour ago and I had no friends I dared call. I glanced at my kitchen watch. Eight o’clock. Great, what would I do until I could finally go to sleep? My mind unintentionally wandered to Reece. What was he doing now? Was he as bored as me or was he having a great time? I bet the later. Reluctantly, I grabbed my phone and stared at this number which I had saved the morning after he’d given it to me. The sheer thought of calling him and hearing his voice made my palms sweaty and my pulse faster. But I couldn’t. Not today, not tomorrow. I would have to wait until he called me. Everything else would look like I needed him badly. Well, of course that was true, but I didn’t want him to know that I was desperate and lonely or I might chase him away. With an inelegant and loud burp, I leaned forward and dialed the numbers for the pizza service.

I had to admit, Friday afternoon came very slowly. I was again at the Funny Dancer and working the shift around noon. Even though there were a lot of people to be served, my mind was restless and could only focus on the desires my heart was screaming non-stop. I couldn’t concentrate and on my thousandth trip back behind the counter, I suddenly slipped on something and was in the process to landing on my buttocks. As if that wasn’t enough, I frantically tried to hold onto the counter and only got to grab the tablet with the coffee mugs on it. Of course I tugged the whole thing off the table and the coffee mugs flew around the room, spilling their hot contents everywhere. I turned bright red and stood up as fast as I could. My feet carried me to the kitchen and I ran back to the mess, crouched down and started to clean it up. I apologized to the nearest customers. When I tried to stand again, I misestimated the distance to the underside of the table and banged my head hard. I swore loudly and then apologized again, when the customers stared at me indignantly. When I was walking away, I heard several people grunting, chuckling and laughing. I wondered what they were laughing about and turned my head to them. With growing fear, I followed their gaze - only to see my torn and coffee-wet trousers showing off my white underwear. The trousers must’ve ripped open when I had fallen down and stood up so fast. Naturally I tried to cover it up. Naturally too, it was useless and I stormed back into the kitchen with fury and shame burning through my body. This was so not my day.

I endured the rest of my shift with the grace of a newborn horse. I half expected to fall down again anytime soon, so I was nearly kneeling gratefully in front of the clock when it showed me that my working time was finally over. Before anything else could happen, I packed my stuff and sprinted to the subway station, intentionally ignoring the screams which insulted me as a thief.

Half an hour after I had entered my apartment my cell phone started ringing. All the blood rushed to my head and I accepted the call with shaky fingers.

“Jay, so happy I got through to you! I hope you remember me… How was your day?”

“Hello, Reece, how could I forget ya. My day was actually bad – the kind that makes you wanna go back to bed. How was yours? Any better, I hope?”

“Oh no, that’s shit! Mine was all right, nothing special though. But hey, listen, I may be able to cheer you up. Clubbing sound good to you?”

“You bet! I’m happy to get away from here. When and where?”

Reece explained his plan and I agreed maybe a little bit too fast and too enthusiastic. But what was I supposed to say and how should I act? He was the only thought that made me smile during the most awful of days. He was the sparkle that killed my loneliness and let hope rise within my sad little mind. I know it must sound crazy. I’d only seen the guy once. But I didn’t care. I hung the phone up smiling and headed for my dresser.

My feet slammed on the ground as I hurried to the subway. I was already a little late. But it was exactly as I had planned it. It always looked better to arrive a little bit too late than too early. Of course I was wearing the new clothes I had bought and today, my hair was done nicely. I had even bothered with an acceptable aftershave. My heart threatened to let my chest burst and I was so sure that every person around me could hear it beating in rapid fire.

“Just calm down, Jay. It’s Reece. He’s cool, nice, and handsome, you can totally relax with him… Yeah, if he hasn’t suddenly realized what a loser you are!”

Swearing to myself and earning annoyed glances from the passers-by, I caught the subway train as the beeping doors were about to be closed. I squeezed in and rearranged my clothes with the grace of an elephant. Accepting that it was useless, I sighed and concentrated on getting out at the right station. As soon as I was out, my eyes searched the narrow street for the familiar sight of Reece. After ten seconds, they finally found him. Just then, Reece spotted me as well and raised his hand. I strolled over to him and tried to act cool.

“Hiya, Reece.”

He greeted me and we left the street and headed for another one of his favorite clubs. This time though, there were none of his friends present. It was a fact that made me even happier.

“Your friends are gonna come later?” I asked. He shook his head and smiled at me, “No, they’re all busy tonight. So it’s just you and me. Does that bother you?” I shook my head in return and beamed at him.

I was wondering for the twentieth time if he was seeing me as a friend or if he was a little gay and maybe interested in me. I could only guess and warned myself silently that I had to be careful around him as to not spoil my chances.

The evening was developing itself fast. We danced all the time and more than once his