When We Let Go by Delancey Stewart (read with me .txt) 📕

After twenty-four hours of darkness and self loathing I was reaching the end of some rope, unsure what I was going to do next. I couldn’t leave Kings Grove, though I’d put in a call to the detectives to make sure that was the case. If I could have driven away from here, gone almost anywhere else, I would have.

“You’re still a suspect,” Detective Jensen had confirmed. “You need to stay put until we give you the all clear.”

“I’m a prisoner up here,” I’d growled, angry and frustrated.

“We’ll be in touch, Mr. Charles.”

It was a wonder my phone was still working, actually, after I’d hurled it against the wall. The screen was cracked, but nothing else seemed to be wrong, which was good considering I couldn’t drive down to the valley to replace it if I needed to. I couldn’t actually do anything—it was like my hands were tied. They might as well go ahead and put me in jail for all the freedom I had.

Maddie’s face haunted me, every word she’d spoken cycled in my head as if I could find some clue that she would betray me. I searched my memory of our one sexual encounter, looking for signs that she’d been faking it, faking everything. There’d been nothing, nothing I could find that made me think she had any plans to take advantage of my situation, of her proximity. I’d believed her, I’d trusted her.

The more I thought about it, the more I realized my trust was a symptom of my loneliness. The only way to avoid being taken in and used was to avoid people completely. I swallowed down the anger and self-pity that came with that realization.

I had just taken a seat on the back deck when the shattered phone rang and Maddie’s name appeared on the broken screen.

I took a deep breath and picked it up, some ridiculous shard of hope inside me that somehow she could say something that would make me believe in her again, that maybe it was a misunderstanding.

“Maddie.” My voice was sandpaper and acid.

“Hi!” She sounded happy—giddy, almost. She cleared her throat and said again, “Hi. Are you okay?”

“Well, there’s a lot going on.” My words were terse and I held in my anger, knowing if I let it go, I’d let out a string of obscenities and fury I would regret.

“Oh, right. Well, for one thing I just wanted to say hello. I know I saw you yesterday, but it feels like it’s been forever.”

She was right about that. Everything had changed in that short time. “Okay.”

My tone was coming through clearly and I could hear hesitation in the next words. “Maybe this isn’t a good time to ask this—you sound really busy—but my brother is in town for only another day. And his wife is here, and it turns out she is a huge fan of yours. When I mentioned you, she got really excited.” She paused, and then went on. “I wondered if you might have time to meet them.”

“She wants a picture?” I could hardly believe she’d have the nerve to ask me. Was she going to sell this one too?

“Or an autograph maybe?”

I squeezed my eyes shut, holding in the rage and confusion I felt. My voice wavered slightly. “That’s flattering. Will you give her my apologies?”

“I …” I heard the understanding finally click into place. “Connor, what’s wrong?”

“I’m busy, Maddie. I’m supposed to be working up here, not entertaining the locals. I need to get back to it.”

“Oh, sure …” The hurt in her voice gutted me and I was even more angry at myself for being unable to stop caring. “I guess I’ll leave you alone, then.”

Alone. Exactly. As I was meant to be. “I wish you would.”

“I … okay, then. Bye.”

“Goodbye, Maddie.”

I put the phone down on the arm of the chair and ignored the swirl of wrongness in my gut, the feeling that maybe there was still a reasonable explanation.

That worked for about an hour, and then I couldn’t help the shard of optimism that refused to die, and I couldn’t seem to stomp it out. I’d had twenty-four hours to think about it, to worry, and it still didn’t make sense.

Maddie wouldn’t do that, I was certain of it. And if she had, would she have had the nerve to call and ask for an autograph?

I stared out at the green meadow, watching a doe pick her way through the tall grass, innocent and naive. The world was not an inherently evil place, I reminded myself. People were not naturally out to get each other. I knew I had a choice to make. If I decided to believe the worst, I’d spend the rest of my life as a bitter man, alone.

“I don’t want this,” I said angrily, startling the doe and sending her leaping into the trees.

I went inside and pulled one of my hardback author copies off the shelf behind my desk. I signed it, and grabbed my car keys, driving to the diner before I could think too much more about it.

As I pulled into the lot, I looked around, wanting to make sure I didn’t bump into Amanda Terry’s parents, or anyone else involved in the investigation. Though I was not guilty, I didn’t enjoy the looks or the interrogations that followed those run-ins.

On the sidewalk in front of the post office, I saw a familiar glow of wild brown curls and my heart skipped a beat against my will. Maddie was the most beautiful woman I’d ever known, and her very presence had a power over me. But in the next instant, I saw who she was with, and my eager heart stilled.

Jack. Her ex.

They were engrossed in what looked like a heated conversation, and neither noticed as I stepped nearer, standing between two parked cars just a few feet away.

Maddie’s posture was tense, and for a second I nearly went to her side, ready to protect her. But I made myself wait, listening.

“Get to the point, Jack.”

“I just wanted to compliment your photography skills again. I’d forgotten how talented you were, when you used to do weddings and such.” My stomach twisted at the mention of photos.

She sighed. “Jack …”

“I guess it makes sense that your photographs would be your salvation.” He grinned and then pulled a thick envelope from inside his navy blue sport coat, holding it out to her. “Here you go, love. I told you that photo was worth a fortune. Just like I promised.”

I couldn’t see Maddie’s face, but she shook her head quickly. “You promised a lot of things. I don’t remember money being one of them. Not recently, anyway.”

He chuckled, reaching his manicured fingers into the envelope to reveal neat stacks of cash lined up inside. “For the photograph. I sold it, just as we agreed.”

Darkness swept through me then as anger finally won out over the other warring emotions. “That’s perfect,” I said, stepping up to the curb. “The one person I thought I could actually trust.”

“Connor, I …” Maddie’s face changed as I watched—from a surprised smile to a horrified expression as the realization of what I’d just seen dawned on her. “No, Connor, it’s not—”

“Mr. Charles,” Jack said, and it took everything I had not to punch him in his smug face.

“Jack.” I spit his name out, and it left a bitter taste in my mouth. “This is all so clear now.” I looked between them. “I don’t understand why things didn’t work out between you. You’re perfect for each other, you know that?”

“No,” Maddie said, her voice shaking. She took a step away from Jack, as if she wanted to distance herself from him, or from the situation.

“I used to think I was a good judge of people,” I told her, my voice no longer angry but sad instead. “I came down here to apologize to you. To give you this.” I handed her the autographed book. “To meet your sister in law …” I couldn’t continue, couldn’t look any longer into Maddie’s eyes and try to understand how she could have done what she’d done. I shook my head and walked away, and I was in my car and heading back to my beautiful prison before she could say another word.