When We Let Go by Delancey Stewart (read with me .txt) đź“•
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- Author: Delancey Stewart
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“You were desperate. You saw an opportunity and you took it. I don’t blame you.” He seemed to think about that last part for a minute. “No, I take it back. I do. You had other options, Maddie. I gave you other options.” Connor took a step back and began to shut the door. He looked as if the sadness of a thousand lives weighed heavy in his heart.
“No!” I wedged my foot forward, blocking the door.
Connor looked surprised for a brief second, almost amused. And then he tilted his head to the side and sighed. “We’re done here Maddie. We’re just…this is done.”
“No, we’re not. That’s just it. I had every reason to sell that picture. But I didn’t. I didn’t do it, because I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to be under Jack’s thumb, and I didn’t want to be the girl who would throw someone I care about under the bus to save myself.”
Another raised eyebrow, but the door remained open.
“I didn’t do it, Connor.” My voice was almost a whisper now. “But I didn’t remove the photo from the cache, either. I was using the public terminal at the library. Someone else found the photo. Someone else sold it.”
He said nothing for a long moment, the blue eyes searching my face, reading my soul. Finally he said, “Jack.”
I nodded. “Probably.”
Connor was silent for a moment. He didn’t get enraged, he didn’t slam the door. But he didn’t reach out to hug and forgive me either. “Okay. Well, thanks for letting me know.” He took another step back and then said firmly, “Bye.”
I moved my foot out of the way, watching in shock as the door swung shut. I found myself staring at the heavy redwood plank in disbelief. That was it? Did he believe me or not? What was I supposed to do now? I couldn’t just go back to the trailer and go on with my life. My heart pounded in my chest, and every beat was a painful ache. Knowing that Connor had just pushed me out of his life made me realize how completely invested in him I’d become in a very short time.
Still standing there, I imagined him on the other side of the door, in that big house all alone. I pictured him believing that I’d betrayed him, that he really was on his own against the world. His sister was gone, and now he’d lost me too. He had no one, and the knowledge made my chest heavy and brought tears to my eyes. He had me. He just didn’t want me now.
I shuffled back to my car, my body numb and my mind a spinning wheel, casting in all directions for an answer to an unsolvable problem. When Cam called a little later, I told him I’d see him after my early shift the next day. He said he and Jess were going to take a quiet evening anyway.
It would have been nice to be able to forgive Maddie when she’d come to my door. I could almost picture myself reaching out, pulling her into my arms and burying my face in her strawberry-scented curls, just letting it all go.
But I couldn’t let it go. Maybe Maddie was telling the truth—I suspected she was. But none of that mattered. Letting Maddie close had reminded me of something I’d already known, and it wouldn’t do me any good to close my eyes to that lesson again.
So as hard as it was to let her go, that was what I did. It would be better for us both in the end. Maddie couldn’t save me, and I couldn’t save her. It was time for both of us to save ourselves.
I sat on the leather couch next to the cold fireplace and leaned my head back onto the leather. I’d wait for this horrible investigation to come to its inevitable end, and then I’d leave. I’d find some new place to be anonymous and alone. A small town was clearly not the right place—too many helpful neighbors and caring citizens. No, next time I’d go to New York or Montreal. Someplace new, someplace big and thrumming with so much chaos, no one would notice the solitary life of one lonely writer.
The whirling descent of my self pity had nearly swallowed me when I heard the distant whine of sirens drawing closer. I moved to the front deck and listened as their whining screams filled the peaceful mountainside, sending birds scattering into the sky. As the sounds grew louder, the flashing lights came into view down around the meadow loop, and after another moment, a police car pulled up my driveway.
I sighed and went to answer the door just as the knock came.
I’d gone back to work, but I was worthless there. Eventually Miranda cornered me, her blue eyes wide behind her glasses.
“This stuff really has you turned upside down, doesn’t it?”
“Sorry?”
“You gave table six table four’s food. And that guy wanted tea, but you gave him coffee. You’re a mess! Maybe you’ve been around me too long.”
I looked around. I wasn’t sure if I’d made those mistakes, but it didn’t surprise me. “Crap. Sorry.”
As things fell back into a lull and I was able to catch my breath, Miranda and I both leaned over the counter, resting on our elbows and watching the street beyond.
“I kind of want to go kick Connor’s ass for upsetting you like this.”
“It’s not his fault.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s for the best, right? I thought the guy freaked you out.”
“I don’t know him, Maddie.” She stared out the window for a minute, and I wondered if she was picturing him in her mind. “He’s pretty hot, though.” A huge grin spread across her face.
I couldn’t help but smile. “He is. It doesn’t matter now though.” I hadn’t told her the part about Jack, about the photo.
“Why not?”
“He’s not speaking to me. He thinks I betrayed him.”
“Betrayed him? Why does he think that?”
I opened my mouth to explain but Miranda was no longer listening to me. She was staring out the window, open-mouthed, as a long procession of police cars flew through the parking lot outside, coming out of the village.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“I’m generally the last to know.” I watched the cars pull out onto the main highway. In the back of one car, the shadow of a figure could be seen. It was impossible to tell who it might have been, but the sinking feeling in my stomach told me I already knew. And that I’d been wrong again—about everything. The car followed the others out to the main highway and disappeared, and my heart squeezed painfully.
“Holy cow,” Miranda said under her breath. “That was some kind of serious show of force right there.”
I turned to look at her. “I don’t think that means what you think it means.”
“Whatever.” She was still staring out at where the procession of black and whites had been. “Do you think that was…?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I hope not.”
The rest of my shift was painful. Everything I thought I’d decided, everything I thought I knew about Connor—could I really have been that wrong? I wasn’t surprised. I’d been wildly off base before, after all. But if that really had been Connor in that car, that meant the police had found enough evidence to arrest him. And if that was the case, then I hadn’t only been wrong, I’d been stupid. I’d been alone with Connor several times. I’d sought him out at his house. I’d ignored every warning anyone had given me.
That night I fell into an exhausted sleep, unsure about everything from what my life was going to become to whether my brother would be a part of it. And I was most unsure about Connor. Could I have really been so wrong about him? My heart said no, but I couldn’t stop seeing that form in the back of the police car. Had it been him? My head told me I was a horrible judge of people.
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