Finding London by Ellie Wade (uplifting book club books .TXT) 📕

the three of us are on a path to…where? My new future? I haven’t a clue. Of course, I’m not certain of much right about now. My mind’s a jumbled mess of confusion.

Cooper holds the door open for us, and we step inside. I release the two hands I was holding and wipe my sweaty palms against my jeans before bringing them to the base of my neck.

I’m mildly aware of the introductions happening as Cooper introduces Maggie to London. I make my way to the kitchen and fill a glass with water before chugging it down. I set the empty glass on the counter and turn to find Sarah behind me.

“I’m sorry. It’s a lot. I should have probably warned you before showing up.”

“No…it’s fine. I mean, yeah, it’s a lot”—I grin—“but never apologize. This is like a dream come true for me. I just need a moment to process it, is all. Don’t apologize, Sarah.” I let out a large breath. “Come here.” I pull her against my chest. Wrapping my arms around her, I hug her tight. I’m still so amazed that I’m standing here, embracing her, my Sarah.

I close my eyes and relish in the sensation of having Sarah in my arms. We stand like this as my mind continues to try to wrap itself around this new reality. It’s like I need to keep touching her to reassure myself that she’s really here. It’s so surreal.

I open my eyes when I sense the presence of others. Cooper, Maggie, and London stand at the entrance of the kitchen. They all wear odd expressions. A mixture of happiness, confusion, and unease grace their faces. I want to laugh because this entire ordeal really is strange. It’s not like someone who was presumed dead shows up on my doorstep every day.

Cooper—gotta love him—breaks the awkward silence first. He has this innate gift to know what others need, and right now, we need some lightheartedness to break up this intense atmosphere. “So, I’m sure you two have tons to talk about, given the fact that you thought she was dead when you woke up this morning—and every other morning for the past eight years, for that matter. Do you two need time to talk? Do you want us to take London back for you?”

“Oh, that would be great, Coops. Thanks.” I turn my attention to Sarah. “Can you give me a minute?”

“Of course.” She grins up at me. Her big blue eyes shine bright with joy and something that I’ve never seen in them before—peace.

She looks the same as she did when she was sixteen but completely different at the same time. She’s healthier and happier now, which makes her even more beautiful.

I walk over to London and take her hand in mine as we exit the house. Maggie and Cooper get in his car. They close the doors behind them, leaving London and me alone outside Cooper’s vehicle.

We stand, facing each other.

“Are you okay?” she asks, concern etched across her face.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I admit. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

“Are we okay?” Her voice cracks with emotion.

I’m momentarily taken aback. “Yes, of course we are. Why do you ask?”

“I just wanted to make sure,” she answers softly.

“London, we’re fine. We’re great. Okay?”

She nods, but her brown eyes still hold concern.

“Look, I know this day is ending on a weird note. I guess I never really told Cooper that I was bringing you with me when I texted him earlier. I’m sure, had he known, he would have told me not to. Not because I don’t want you here, but obviously, I have a lot of catching up to do with Sarah. So, I’m sorry our evening is being cut short. But we’re good, okay?”

“All right.” She nods before turning to open the car door.

“Hey”—I grab her wrist and turn her until she’s facing me—“I love you.” I give her a quick kiss. “I’ll call you.”

“Love you, too.” She gives me a weak smile before getting into the backseat of the car.

I watch as Cooper’s car backs out of the drive, and then I head back into the house.

I find Sarah where I left her in the kitchen, and now that we’re alone, I’m overcome with another round of unbelievable happiness.

I take her face between my hands and kiss her forehead. “God, I can’t believe this. Is this real?” I shout with what I’m sure is a crazy grin on my face.

Sarah giggles before wrapping her arms around my waist. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Oh, me, too.” I kiss the top of her head. Stepping back, I grab her hand in mine. “Come on.”

I lead her to my bedroom. We both kick off our shoes and climb into my bed without discussion.

The rituals of our teenage selves come back full force, not missing a beat. I held Sarah in my arms every night for two and a half years. We weren’t always in a bed. In fact, a high percentage of those nights, we weren’t. But, no matter where we were—city benches, alleyways, shelters, under an overpass, or atop the grass of a park—we were together, and she slept in my arms. I never wanted her to feel alone.

We lie, facing each other.

“They told me you were dead.” I pause. “Well, I guess the hospital receptionist actually told me you were gone, and I assumed.” The last two words come out with so much regret. “I couldn’t feel a pulse before the ambulance came. I guess I thought you were already gone before you even got to the hospital. But, regardless, I waited in that lobby for two days, begging anyone to tell me something. They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t let me see you, wouldn’t tell me anything. I felt so helpless. Finally, the receptionist came out on the second day and told me to go home because you were gone.”

“I’m so sorry,” she says, her eyes filling with tears. “I’m sorry I did that to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t find you sooner.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“Well, I think I was in the hospital for two days before I was transferred to a treatment facility. I had asked for you, but I was in and out…” She hesitates. “I don’t remember a lot about it. I just know, when I got to the rehab place, I wasn’t allowed to call anyone for what seemed like forever. When I finally was able to make a call, I called the motel, but they said that you had left, and I had no idea how to find you.”

“So, what happened to you?”

She laughs dryly. “Well, I wish I could tell you that I got better after that, but I didn’t. I was in and out of a couple of group homes that housed mainly teenagers.”

My body goes stiff.

She notices and rubs my arm. “No one hurt me…again. No one touched me—well, at least no one who I hadn’t asked to.” She frowns. “You know how I was. I was really messed up for a long time, Loïc. I’m sorry. I wish I could have been stronger. But I’m finally okay. I’ve been to more therapy sessions than I can count, and I go to meetings every week. I’ve been clean for two years.”

“How’d you find me? Why didn’t you look sooner?” I question.

“I did. I’ve looked for you on and off the entire time. You do realize that you have zero social media accounts. You’re, like, impossible to find. I didn’t look all the time because it would drive me mad, but every month or so, I would do an Internet search with your name. I just did one, and I found a military article that mentioned you and David Cooper. So, I looked up David and stalked his Facebook. He’d posted a picture with you. In his post, it showed the city, so I came here. When I got here this morning, I messaged him and told him who I was and that I needed to see you. When he told me that you thought I was dead, I figured it would be best to meet you here versus having him tell you over the phone. I didn’t want you freaking out and driving.”

I take in her words. “This is just so insane.”

“I know,” she agrees.

“I thought I’d lost you,” I say sadly.

“I know. I’m so sorry. You look so good though, Loïc. You look happy, and your girlfriend seems nice.”

“She is. She’s amazing.” I huff out a humorless chuckle. “London’s actually my first girlfriend…ever. She’s kind of a recent development. I wasn’t good for a long time. After I lost you, I shut down completely. I couldn’t imagine losing anyone else. So, I never got close to anyone again—besides Cooper because he’s persistent like that.” I smile.

“He seems great.” She smiles.

“He is.”

“So, what happened to you after you left the hospital?” she asks.

“I went back to the motel room and packed up my stuff. Then, I left. I couldn’t stand to be there without you. I aimlessly traveled around for a couple of months before turning myself into the system, so I could get an ID. At that point, I was just shy of eighteen, so I didn’t have to go to a home or anything. I got my GED, joined the Army, and met Cooper. That’s about all. I lived a pretty emotionally closed-off life until this summer when I met London.”

“What’s up with the name? You think it’s a sign?”

I know what she means. Some days, I think it might be—well, at least I would if I believed in that sort of thing.

During the time I spent with Sarah, I turned my dad’s stories of London into a fantasy for the both of us. I told her story after story until, eventually, we both dreamed of making it to London where we could be happy and free.

“I don’t know. Her name definitely caught my attention, that’s for sure.”

“Have you been to England? Did you check on your grandparents, let them know how you were?” she asks eagerly.

I shake my head. “I couldn’t.”

Her face drops, sadness lining her features. “Why?”

“They left me. They didn’t deserve to know that I was okay.” I use the last word in the loosest term of the word.

“But they’re family, your only family.”

“Family doesn’t abandon a child who’s lost everything, Sarah. They’re not my family anymore. I have Cooper and Maggie, and now, I have you again. And maybe, if I don’t scare London away, I’ll get to keep her in that category, too.”

She laughs. “Why do you say that?”

“Because, since I lost you, I’ve kind of turned into somewhat of a jackass. I’m not what you would call a relationship kind of guy.”

“Well, judging by the way she looks at you, I’d say you have her fooled. I’m sure you’re doing just fine.”

“I’m trying. It’s been a bit of a train wreck, but she continues to like me. So, I guess we’ll see.” I shrug.

She runs her hand along my cheek. “You still don’t get it, do you?”

“What?”

“You’re impossible not to love, Loïc.” Her expression is so sincere, and her words make me uncomfortable.

I shake my head. “That’s not true.” My voice cracks.

“It’s very true. I told you when we were kids, and I’ll tell you again…you are special. You have the kindest heart. You are brave. In this world of ugliness, you are a beacon of