Crossing the Mirage: Passing through youth by BS Murthy (interesting novels in english txt) 📕

Though he tried his best to attract her attention from dawn to dusk the next day, she took no note of him. That made him think of giving up on his vigil, but came evening, he found himself on the terrace and awaited her arrival. All the same, while his desire urged him to stay on, his decency counseled him to retreat. Though he felt it was demeaning to pry upon a disinterested dame, yet he reached the coign of vantage to ogle her compelling nudity. As if she got wind of his suffering from his qualms, and to put an end his moral dilemma, she left to her native, the next day. Nevertheless, her thoughts tickled as well as troubled him for long, well before her curvy figure all but became a contour in his memory.

When the chaai-wala came along chanting his mantra, Chandra came out of his reverie. Alive to the environs all again, he felt like having some chaai, even as the bulky chap ordered for both of them. Sipping from his cup, Chandra saw the woman opposite bring her other breast into play but that made no impact on him. In that lactation, the absence of eroticism was a revelation to him. Then, as the woman cuddled her kid, he sensed the essence of maternity.

‘By now mother would know,’ he contemplated. ‘She would be taken aback and feel cheated for sure. But then, won’t Vasavi make her see the reality? And it would all be different with father. He would be hurt and unforgiving too. Why he may even disown me. So be it. I am a free bird and that’s what matters to me now.’

When the vendors started distributing dinner thalis, the lower berths were converted into dining tables. As the bulky guy found it difficult to arrange himself, Chandra made room for him by squeezing himself.

“Thank you,” the guy said heartily.

“It’s okay.”

“Are you going up to Bombay?”

“Yes,” said Chandra and added, “what about you?”

“Wherever we go,” said the other in reply, “we, the Bombayites go back to Bombay.”

“Maybe that’s how everyone feels about his native place,” said Chandra, however, feeling that Hyderabad had nothing to offer him.

As they ate in silence, Chandra wondered whether befriending the guy would be of any help. When they finished their meal, Chandra tried to prolong the talk.

“It is shame we haven’t introduced ourselves,” said Chandra stretching his hand, “I’m Chandra.”

“I’m Ashok,” said the other, taking Chandra’s hand, “Ashok Agrawal.”

“What do you do?”

 “Day after tomorrow by this time,” said Ashok heartily, “I would be well on my way to the US for MS.”

“Perhaps, then,” said Chandra in smile, “Bombay might lose its hold on you.”

“Our garment industry is sure to pull me back,” said Ashok. “What about you?”

“My father is into pearls,” said Chandra resignedly, “but I don’t want to join him.”

“How strange,” said Ashok as he yawned, “the famed pearls of Hyderabad failed to entice you?”

“Oh, there is more to it,” said Chandra a little embarrassed. “Looks like you’re sleepy.”

“Anyway, we’ve a lot of talking to do tomorrow.”

“Why not take my lower berth?”

“Are you afraid,” said Ashok heartily, “the middle one would come down crashing on you?”

“Oh, no,” Chandra felt a little embarrassed.

“I’m only joking,” said Ashok, “Thank you. Good night.”

Ashok soon started snoring on the lower berth but Chandra lay crouched on the middle one. By then, though most have slept, the newlyweds were still lost in themselves. Seeing they were immersed in their sweet nothings, Chandra couldn’t take his eyes off them.

‘They are really made for each other, aren’t they?’ He began to focus on them. ‘Surely she’s a rare beauty and he’s no less handsome. Why shouldn’t they be enamored of each other? And truly they cling to one another, don’t they? Seems happiness courts the beautiful couple for its own fulfillment. And for the average looking, marriage could be a matter of going through the motions, couldn’t it? Oh, for the ugly, well, it might be wifeless at the worst or an indifferent mate at the best. What a curse it is to lack looks!’

Seeing the bride doing most of the talking, Chandra wondered about the feminine propensity to blabber.

‘What a wonder woman is!’ he thought at length. ‘How they never cease talking! In spite of their limited awareness why are women ever eager to express their opinions? Maybe, it’s all hormonal. But then, why should men, for all their exposure, lend women their willing ears? Ever! Is it the sweetness of their tone or the charm of their manner that appeals? But then, why should men submit to horrid wives? How am I to know the mystery that is man-woman chemistry?’

One by one, as the main lights were switched off, the blue ones came to hold their own. In the dimness of the blueness, savoring the bride on the sly, Chandra felt she looked divine. And sensing the opportunity for privacy, the man reconnoitered the adjoining area only to find Chandra hold the solitary post. Getting wind of their heat, Chandra, hoping to voyeur their romance, feigned asleep to snare them into the act.

When he opened his eyes tentatively to espy the ecstasy of their togetherness, he got a mocking stare from the man who seemingly read him well. Ashamed, Chandra desisted from venturing again. Soon enough, his resolve not to open his eyes for the rest of the night, insensibly sent him into a deep sleep.

Chandra woke up in the morning to find Ashok in slumber and their baggage in place. By then, most of the passengers had had their breakfast at the previous stop itself. The babe, still half asleep, was at her mother’s breast while its father was immersed in The Times of India. However, as the honeymooners were ‘as is where is’, he wondered whether they had had a wink at all the night.

When he tried to reach the toilet, he found the vestibule swarmed with beggars and other ticket-less lot. However, with the agility of an acrobat, he entered the toilet only to find it dirty. Recoiling, he came out to gain access into the one opposite. And finding it occupied, he waited in irritation.

“Oh, what characters!” he thought nauseatingly. ‘Don’t know how to shit even!’

With his own urgency increasing, and as the occupant of the other one taking his own time, Chandra thought it fit to do the flushing himself in the unoccupied one.

When he returned after going through his ablutions, Ashok was lowering the middle berth with bleary eyes. Offering him the seat by the window, Chandra called for coffee.

“Oh, shit,” Chandra complained, having sipped the lukewarm beverage that the vendor advertised as steaming hot.

“Well, the railway fare could become a farce at times,” said Ashok. “Better we gulp it before it gets worse.”

As the vendor came to collect the fare, the friends indulged in one-upmanship for footing the bill. In the jostling that followed, the dregs of Chandra’s cup fell on Ashok’s trousers.

“It’s time I washed myself,” Ashok pre-empted an apology from Chandra. “Let’s treat it as a reminder.”

As the friends resumed their tête-à-tête, the topic turned to Chandra’s upkeep in Bombay.

“Do you have someone in Bombay?” Ashok said.

“Not anyone remotely related even.”

“Where are you planning to put up then?”

“I've no idea whatsoever,” said Chandra seizing the opening. “Can you suggest a place for me?”

“Don’t worry, I'll show you a way,” said Ashok assuredly. “Once you get a foothold, the rest is up to Bombay.”

“How can I thank you?” said Chandra clasping Ashok’s hand.

Being assured thus, Chandra began to relax.

When the man opposite had finished with The Times of India, Ashok borrowed it. As his newfound friend got immersed in the metro news, Chandra began contemplating about him.

‘What a helping nature he has,’ he thought, looking at Ashok. ‘How lucky, I’ve met him. And doesn’t he appear handsome in spite of his bulk! Looks like, it’s when we see the soul of a man that we discern the man in him. Oh, how even our outlook changes then towards him! It’s as if his inner beauty acquires a bodily charm before our very eyes.’

Struck by his discovery, Chandra saw a ray of hope for himself.

‘Am I not getting bogged down with my physicality?’ he thought. ‘Can one improve his looks anyway? And how silly it is to go to lengths to seem better cosmetically! Why not I strive to excel at something to seem handsome? Then, who knows, I might find a dame who would see me for what I am worth.’

When the train halted at Kalyan, the honeymooners alighted to an overwhelming welcome of their relatives.

‘How mystifying is marriage, even to the family!’ felt Chandra, seeing the way the couple was fussed about by their folk. ‘If only Vasavi got married! Oh, what all we miss for her being still a miss.’

‘Has he chickened out after all?’ Ashok thought, misreading the change in Chandra’s demeanor. ‘Why, it’s tough venturing out alone into the unknown. It’s as if freedom places burden on the soul. But once he gets his moorings in Bombay, he will find life exhilarating. Doesn’t it seem he has some inner force? And Rashid would be the right foil for him.’

Chapter 4

Onto the Turf

As if to afford Chandra time for reflection at the threshold, the train was held up at Kalyan for long. And to his irritation, Ashok found out it was owing to some technical snag. Thus, the train could reach Dadar only towards the evening. By then, Chandra was physically fatigued and mentally worn out. When the cab they hired halted in a by-lane in Sion, the weary friends uttered a sigh of relief. But as luck would have it, as they went up to Rashid’s room, a Godrej padlock greeted them. Nevertheless, Ashok thought the key to Rashid’s whereabouts would lie in the addas that they were wont to frequent. Securing their luggage with the housekeeper, they went in search of Rashid but not finding him anywhere there, Ashok thought better of it.

“It’s like we’re on a wild goose chase now,” said Ashok, characteristically throwing up his arms in the air. “Let’s go back and wait for him.”

“What if he’s out of town?” said Chandra as they sauntered their way back to Rashid’s place.

“If so, wouldn't have the housekeeper told us?” said Ashok assuredly. “Don’t worry; you won’t be left in the lurch.”

“Oh, I’m relieved,” said Chandra, taking Ashok’s hand. “Wonder why I don’t feel tired! What's there in Bombay’s air?”

“Well, its Vitamin M,” said Ashok patting Chandra’s back, “and that helps keep mind and body hale and healthy? Boy, Bombay is a goldmine that lets even the poor to exploit it. Wonder if there is another place like this anywhere else.”

“Whatever it is,” said Chandra, “I think Hyderabad is an over-grown village in comparison.”

Not finding Rashid even on their return, they waited for him impatiently. When he didn’t turn up even by seven, Ashok felt it was time he left, for his mother might have become anxious by then.

“I’ll leave a note for him,” said Ashok. “I’m sure he'll help you, at least for the night.”

“I know it’s not fair to expect more from you” said Chandra. “But, what if…?”

“Don’t worry,” said Ashok, “he won't let you down.”

“Thank you.”

“It’s all right,” said Ashok penning a missive.

“I won’t forget this day all my life,” said Chandra taking the note from Ashok.

“Why make much of it,” said Ashok holding Chandra’s hand.

“If only you are in my shoes,” said Chandra, “you would understand what your gesture means to me.”

“Thank you,” said Ashok warmly, “my mother says good wishes do help. I wish you all the best in Bombay.”

“Thank you, I'll never forget you, may God bless you,” said Chandra with moist eyes. 

“Who knows, we may meet again,” said Ashok. “Don't they say it’s a small world?”

Having waved off Ashok, Chandra resumed his wait for Rashid.

“Wonder how he got that worldly outlook,” Chandra