Damaged Beyond Repair by Kashmira Kamat (KittyKash) (motivational novels txt) 📕

Re-admit in the psyche ward.

Re-admit in the psyche ward.

The lines kept repeating in my head like a mantra. I had settled for a warm bath in hopes of relieving the stress which only increased and ended up thinking more than I usually did otherwise. The gash on my palm had begun to fill in again. A good twenty minutes later, I dried myself and pulled on a cute peach gown. I was ready to knock Claire's door since my sleeping buddy options were limited, and Rowan had taken over almost the entire king sized bed. I was kind of disappointed, but I really didn't want to wake him up when he was so obviously exhausted.

Some weekend trip, I tell you.

When I stepped out of the warm bathroom, I noticed Rowan to be wide awake, sitting in a straight posture, the comforter that I'd pulled over him was lying on the side.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I was," he ran a hand through his messed up hair, which was so darn cute, "but Mary-Ann woke me up with all the chair pulling and the glass clanking noises."

Of course. The cleaning lady Mary-Ann, who'd insisted upon cleaning the room a while ago, had disturbed Rowan's beauty sleep.

"Go back to sleep." I told him.

"So you're not sleeping here..with me?" he sounded hopeful. Those baby boy melt-my-heart expressions were hard to turn down.

"You were sleeping like a baby and I didn't want to disturb you."

"But I'm awake now."

Why doesn't he still speak his mind to me? Why did I need to do mind-reading all the time?

"Do you want me to sleep here with you?"

He smiled almost mischievously, nodding his head.

"Then why didn't you say so?"

Rowan offered me his hand, which I took willingly. He pulled me closer by the waist, stranding me between his legs so my face was almost leveled with his. I stood a little taller. His eyes bore into mine, as he caressed my cheek with his knuckles, "I love the way you do that. How you always know what I want. What I need."

He kissed the corner of my mouth.

"What if someday I don't get what's going on in that broody head of yours, what am I supposed to do then?" I asked him.

"I'll make sure you do." he whispered in his husky voice, bringing his face so close to me that I smelled the familiar mint cologne on him. I gave into the sweet temptation as he pulled my lower lip in his gently, sucking it slowly. I pressed myself closer, kissing him back with an even wider passion, delving my tongue in his mouth. He was taking it slow and letting me set the pace which was nice.

I loosened the buttons on his shirt, and kissed the bare skin. There was a light trail of hair on his chest. I ran my hand through it which gave me goosebumps all over my body.

Like a horny teenager who couldn't control her teenage hormones, I touched his crotch. My fingers fumbled, trying to unzip his pants.

Rowan seized my wrist before I could go any further. "Whoa! Slow down, Tiger. What's gotten into you all of a sudden?"

He chuckled which embarrassed me further.

I noticed a smile play along his lips, "What were you trying to do?"

"You're my boyfriend."

"And your professor." he added.

"Ex-professor." I corrected him. "I was doing what every girlfriend does. Was I not supposed to?" I folded my arms across my chest.

He laughed again. I should be angry, but those dimples were irresistible. I couldn't hold it against him if I tried.

"What's so funny?"

Rowan dragged me in his lap, "Hey, don't get so pouty." His breath sent shivers through my body. He brushed the hair away from my back, kissing the sensitive area. "You're cute when you get like that."

I pretended to be mad at him for teasing me; he nuzzled close to my ear, biting softly at it, making me moan, "Rowan.."

His fingers trailed a path from my ankle towards the top of my thigh, exploring. "What do you want me to do?"

I was taken aback by his question, I was sure a lot of men wouldn't let an opportunity like this to slip away but Rowan was asking me what I needed from him and he wasn't taking advantage of the situation like any guy would. "I want to touch you."

He stared at me for a good ten seconds, after which he said. "You're a virgin, aren't you?"

I began slipping my hands out of his grasp but he caught it, "Answer me, Alana."

I bit my lip, and looked away. I wasn't ashamed, just embarrassed. He lifted my chin up, "Baby, you haven't done this before with anyone else?" 

I shook my head.

He pulled me closer and tucked a loose strand behind my ear. He was acting like a parent consoling his kid. "You should be proud, not embarrassed. You have a right to decide who it should be."

"And I know I want it to be you." I blurted out.

Rowan sighed, kissing me full on the lips once. "We can't go that far, Alana. I'm sorry."

A feeling of rejection washed over me like a high tide wave.

"Why not?"

"Because..."

"Because what? Because, I'm not pretty enough? Or is it because I'm not experienced?"

Rowan shook his head, caressing my cheek. "It doesn't feel right. I think we should wait some more time."

"Like until when?"

"At least until you graduate."

I rolled my eyes.

"Hey, don't be like that." Rowan said, and pulled his shirt and discarded it to the floor. Then, he began reaching for the hem of my nightgown.

"You just said we weren't doing it." I giggled.

"Of course we aren't going all the way. But, there are still some things I could teach you. Trust me, I can teach this better than economics."

"I will take your word for it."

He pushed me onto the bed, and his body hovered above me, pressing his body lightly over mine, he began kissing me roughly—pouring all his emotions in it, there wasn't anything lustful about it. It was pure love.