Searching for Anna by Jenifer Carll-Tong (best classic books of all time .txt) π
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"Then there's only one solution."
Will unbuttoned the top two buttons of his uniform and pulled out the necklace hanging around his neck. He unclasped the chain and, holding one end of it in his right hand, lifted it to allow his mother's ring to fall into his left. He knelt on one knee in front of her.
"Phoebe Albright, since I took my first breath on earth, you have been God's plan for me. I have loved you since I was a precocious little boy who had no idea how to show his affections properly, into a foolish teenager who couldn't resist stealing a kiss from you while you were blindfolded. And that affection has only grown deeper in adulthood. I love your spirit, your determination, your love for God and his people."
Her beautiful lips parted, and her hand traveled up to rest on her chest.
Will continued. "I have dreamed of how I would do this so many times, and I wanted it to be so much more romantic than this, but in the end, all that matters is that I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Phoebe, will you marry me?"
"No."
It took a moment for him to process what she had said. One word. No. She had said no.
"What do you mean, no?"
"Will, please stand up."
He didn't. He stayed on his knee, shaking his head. "Don't do this, Phoebe. I know you love me. God has a plan for us."
Phoebe nodded. "Yes, He does, Will. But you are not God's plan for me."
A wave of nausea swept over him as he slowly rose. This couldn't be happening. He couldn't have misread God. Not after all this time, all this prayer. "I love you, Phoebe. Don't you believe that?"
"I'm not denying that β "
"You're just denying that you love me?"
"I'm sorry, Will."
"You can't say that you don't love me. I see it in your eyes. I've felt it in your kiss."
"I should never have⦠I never meant to mislead you. But regardless of the way I have allowed myself to respond to you physically, I could never allow myself to love you."
"And why in the world not?"
"Because you aren't the kind of man I need."
"And what kind of man is that?"
"I've prayed that God would send me someone called to God's purpose. Someone who has answered God's call for their life."
"You don't think I've answered God's call for my life?"
"No, of course you have. But it isn't the same."
"It is," he protested. "God has called me to be exactly who I am, a Michigan State Trooper in love with a woman of God. Don't you see that God created me to be his servant as well? Just because I don't stand behind a pulpit doesn't mean I'm not doing His work!"
"Of course, but it's not the same. I wish you could understand."
Will sighed. "Then explain it to me."
"If he has called me to ministry, then I believe he will send me a helpmate to fulfill that calling."
"Why can't you see that I am that helpmate? Have you lacked for anything since accepting your calling here? Have I stood in your way in the least bit?"
"No." She spoke the single word, barely above a whisper.
"No. Not only that, but I have done everything in my power to support your ministry. Can't you see that?"
"But marriage, to you or any man not in the ministry, would mean I would have to give up my calling."
"Why?"
She was momentarily silenced. He watched her perfectly shaped lips form words, but none came out. She blinked several times, then said, "A husband would expect me to be in the home, not working outside of the home, especially in a job usually reserved for men."
"Who told you that?"
"I - I don't β"
"Not me. I've never said such foolishness because I've never felt that way. I would never expect you to give up your work because you chose to marry me."
"But what of children? What then? Surely you would expect your wife to be home with the children."
"If children are in God's plan for us."
Will had never thought about that possibility. Hearing his own words was as shocking to him as they had obviously been to Phoebe. She stared at him, eyes wide, her delicate mouth hanging open.
"Listen, Phoebe. Neither of us knows what the future holds. We only know Who holds that future." He reached for her hands, and she didn't pull away. "I love you. Of that I am certain. And I trust God for the rest. Please say that you will, too, and accept my hand in marriage."
"Well, there you are Miss Albright! Did you forget about our afternoon outing?"
Both Will and Phoebe turned to the door where Gregory Parker now stood.
Phoebe quickly pulled her hands from Will's and stepped back from him quickly. As she did, realization dawned on him. She had said that Will wasn't God's plan, and Parker was the reason why.
Something began to stir deep within him, something he was not often the bearer ofβ¦anger.
"I didn't realize you had plans," he spat out at her.
Her head whipped back in his direction. "Will, I β"
"Save it. It all makes sense now," he said. "You already said I'm not part of the plan." He grabbed his hat off the pew and stormed past Gregory Parker.
"Good to see you again, Sarge."
Will skidded to a halt and his hand went to his holster instinctively.
Do you trust Me? a still small voice spoke within him.
Did he? Could he still trust? He had trusted the Lord in every way for every part of his life. But trusting had given him nothing but heartache.
Will tore open the door and bound down the stairs before he did something foolish.
Grabbing Tolly's reins, he hoisted himself into the saddle. Anger was quickly being replaced by numbness, everywhere except for the stinging he felt in his right palm. He looked down at the hand he hadn't realized he had been clenching and uncurled his fingers. The ring lay there, in a deep, purpled imprint of the same size. He slid his mother's ring back onto the chain he wore around his neck and dug his heels into the gelding's flank, wishing to get as far away from Phoebe Albright and his shattered hopes as quickly as possible.
Phoebe listened to the sound of Will's horse galloping away, but the echo of his words rang louder than anything she had ever heard.
"Neither of us knows what the future holds. We only know Who holds that future."
She had spent her entire life trying to orchestrate her every move in order to fulfill God's calling. The foolishness of it was so apparent now. Did she think that she was bigger than God? That, somehow, if she took one misstep, she would destroy His plans? God and His plans were so much greater than hers, were they not?
Will had also made something else very clear. He had never stepped in the way of her calling. In fact, he was far more supportive than any of the men she had met at Bible College. How many of them had married educated women from the school, only to resign those women to the status of helpmate rather than ministry partners? In contrast, Will Caffey had at every turn worked to help her accomplish her ministry. How many times had he woken early to get the stove running so the church would be warm by the time she arrived? She couldn't count the times, nor could she count the numerous chores he had done in secret that gave her more freedom and time.
And what had she done in response to his support and kindness? Jilt him at every turn. Accept his aid, but not his love. And he did love her. She knew that with all her heart, because she now realized what true love felt like. It felt like this. She was in love with Will Caffey as much as he was in love with her.
"Now, don't go and cry. Wouldn't want to mar that pretty face by making it all red and puffy."
She quickly swiped at a tear that had silently escaped down her cheek.
"Mr. Parker." Phoebe had completely forgotten that the evangelist was standing there, and seeing his smug face reminded her that he was the reason Will had left. "To my knowledge, we had no plans for this afternoon."
"I know. I just wasn't willing to lose you that easily to that Keystone cop."
Phoebe gasped. "You were eavesdropping. You knew what he was doing, didn't you?"
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