Always Yours by Amicia Bianchi (best books to read fiction TXT) 📕

you spring this on them. They won't have time to warm up to the idea. Are you willing to create a rift between you? If you go, he'll have you isolated with no way to get back home without him. That ticket is a step, I'll give you that, but you need to really think about if it's one you want to take."

 

That had been a risk all along whether I told them before or now, I'd thought. Before I got a chance to insert anything she kept going.

 

"Don't just make the decision blindly, face the red flags, take note of warning signals, then decide. And if you insist on being with the guy, despite everything, at least make sure he's really changed his stripes. Because when you leave the first thing they do is coming running, whispering sweet words and empty promises. They don't care about how you feel right now or how you felt and they tell you that's because it's about how you're going to feel. Telling you that they'll 'make you forget' all the bad but they can't really do that, can they? They can't replace memories or erase them, for that matter. You'll never forget," she emphasized her skepticism, "but you can choose to push them to the back of your mind and focus on all of the good things in the right now."

 

She tilted her and considered me a moment, "and that's where you are. But what happens when the bad outweigh the good? Then what's the point of only focusing on the good and ignoring the bad? Why do you stay? When it gets to that point, what makes you give up freedom, dignity, happiness, you life and for what? What do you get in return? Is it still worth it then?"

 

It was silent as she let her advise sink in. She sighed.

 

"I'm only saying this because as much as we always want the fairy tale we don't realize we've got the wrong guy sometimes," she said gently.

 

I took a deep breath and as I searched for the right words she got up and started for the door. When I got up to follow her she stopped, "I know this is hard for you and I don't mean to bring you down…" she turned around to face me, hesitant. "But I feel like I have to ask you this," I had a feeling this was going to be the nail in my coffin. I swallowed thickly.

 

"What is it?"

 

"You know that I don't really know Bryce that well. I'm just going off what I know and what you've told me."

 

"Yeah," my throat was dry and I couldn't shake the feeling that what she was about to ask would changed everything.

 

"So I could be wrong about him but that's why I think, despite the possible lies and everything, this is the most important thing you should consider."

 

"And what is that?" the nerves in my stomach were wound so tight I thought I might end up with an ulcer. She paused as if deciding if she really wanted to ask.

 

"Did he tell you that he loved you? Has he ever? At any point in your relationship?"

 

All of the air left my lungs as if I'd been punched in the stomach. I couldn't get a reply together, I was struggling just to breathe but Skylar didn't wait on an answer.

 

"It's bad when a guy doesn't love you enough, it's even worse when he never loved you to begin with, either way he won't change. If either is the case, Emy will still be a problem even in New York and if it isn't her it'll be someone else. And as much I know this hurts to hear, it's the truth."

 

Something flashed in her eyes that told me she spoke from experience. I stop frozen he'd never said it, he hadn't ever told me that he loved me as a friend before we were together either, not even as a joke.

 

"Do you really want to sacrifice everything for a guy who might not even love you?" she whispered, choked up with emotion. We stood there for a long time as she collected herself and I kept silent, my mind reeling. Realizing I wasn't going to say anything she left, "think about it…"

Chapter 7: What's Going On?

 

Angelica didn’t try to contact me all day and didn’t come over but I had other things occupying my mind so after Skylar left I didn’t talk to anyone else. When my parents got home I pretended to be asleep until they left me alone and the next day I didn’t even get out of bed. My dad went to work as usual and my mom went out with her friends both expecting me to be enjoying summer.

 

All day my phone was vibrating from calls and text messages but I tried to ignore them. Every time I’d burrow further into my covers trying to block the only noise in my otherwise quiet room but I’d end up succumbing to another wave of tears. I needed this emotional roller coaster to end because it was tearing me apart. If he loved me he should have said so yesterday that would have been the time to say it. So why didn't he? The more I thought about it the more I confused I was because one part of me argued it was because he didn't while the other felt that it just probably hadn't occurred to him to say it or  insisted there had to be a reason. I could have just asked him at the airport and I was sure he would tell me his honest answer, then I would know. I'm not entirely sure if knowing would have changed my mind or not but at this point one thing I did know was that my opportunity was lost and that was definitely my fault.

 

I couldn’t go. Not to New York, not even to the airport. I should have gone but I didn’t. I should have actually told him my answer but I couldn’t bring myself to face him. Even if I didn’t go he would know what I wanted, I told myself. If this was what I wanted then why couldn’t I pick up the phone? Was this really what I wanted?

 

I wasn’t sure. Just as much as I wasn’t sure if I wanted to pick up the phone and find out the effects of my tentative actions. It was hard trying to decide what to do, what was best.

 

I can’t, those words had become a mantra in my head to help combat the creeping guilt and had become the only words that I could use to calm down. There were other things that joined them, justifications at times, but it always came back to those two repeating in my head. It started out small and got louder, stronger until it was a deafening scream that once it was gone left me numb.

 

I may be confused about what to do but one thing I did know was that I didn’t want anyone to change my mind. That’s why when Angie came to my house I  locked the door and refused to see her until she eventually left. That’s why I wasn’t surprised to see Jason the next day as I was sitting outside on the porch swing.

 

“Sup, A,” came Jason’s authoritative voice.

 

“Hey,” I offered him a weak half smile but he already knows what happened so there was no reason to try pretending even if I’d had the energy. I was avoiding Angie because I knew she was upset with me and I had a pretty good idea of what she wanted to tell me.

 

Jason was like middle ground: he was an unbiased opinion and he would take your secrets to his grave without another soul knowing the wiser. He was a true friend and extremely loyal but he’d always been more of an advise giver than an instigator. Even though he wouldn’t spill your business that didn’t stop him from giving someone else unbiased advice based off of the information that he knew, best friend or not. He didn’t lie for anyone. When Angie’d told me Jason said Bryce hadn’t cheated on me I could whole heartedly believe that if Bryce had cheated he didn’t know about it. I’d avoided him before because it felt weird getting advice from Bryce’s best friend albeit he was mine too. I didn’t much like the idea of him breaking some kind of guy code and seeming as if he were taking sides. I’d also been afraid of what he’d think. Despite my efforts he was still caught in between us.

 

I sighed as he sat next to me on the swing.

 

“Penny for your thoughts?”

 

“Sorry for avoiding you all this time,” I apologized, glancing over at him.

 

“Don’t worry about it, I’m not mad or anything, I understand why you did it.”

We both were silent after that, staring off into space.

 

“At Bryce’s birthday party when you told me not to worry, you gave yourself away, you know,” he eventually spoke.

 

“You couldn’t have known about-” shocked I looked at him.

 

“I didn’t, but I knew something was up. I’m an alpha, it’s in my nature to worry about other members of my pack just as much as it is to take charge and lead. So I’m always going to worry about someone and that’s not something I can’t turn it off just because you say so. But when you do, it only makes me suspicious which has me more worried,” he explained.

 

“So I guess it wouldn’t help now if I told you not to worry,” I joked.

 

“I’d probably have a heart attack,” I rolled my eyes, as if that were possible.

 

We both cracked up.

 

“I would rather you explain why I shouldn’t.” I looked at him, his face now serious, and my smile faded.

 

“I’ll be okay,” I watched him, waiting for response or a question but none came. “You know, I’m finally doing what I want,” I laughed a little staring blankly into the distance.

 

I could feel his curious gaze aimed at the side of my head.

 

“I’d really thought as long as Bryce was with me we could make any tough decisions together, hmph, as if I can’t think for myself. I was so worried about what other people would think and I wasn't sure if I could stand it without him. At some point I would have thrown away my future just to be with him but what would he do for me? Nothing. I’ve looked at the good as well as the bad and I think this is what we need right now. I might miss him but I don’t miss the blatant disregard.”

 

I thought he would say something but again he sat looking thoughtful but hadn't said a word. On some level it made me a little mad but I recognized that he was probably trying to let me talk out my frustrations and because he wanted to hear what I had to say.

 

“Did you know about the whole Bryce and Todd thing when he went to that party a couple months ago?” I asked randomly as the thought came to me.

 

“I was at the party too,” he answered watching me closely.

 

“No I meant