lost by cristal santos aka dancingmilklover246 (readict .txt) 📕

As I write this as tears fall from my eyes blurring my vision. I bite my lips trying to word the next phrases. I know that your parents will understand that I loved you yet I can’t go through the pain I feel every day. My heart throbs hard against my chest almost like a bomb in a bird cage. I smile lightly at this metaphor. I know you’ll find someone eventually and somewhere and sometime I will be smiling down at all of you. You will be different with her you’ll be gentle loving caring and protective. You will hold her in your arms and just think about her never second looking at another girl. I know this because ei know the real you. You’re not the mean jerk that I’ve been shown you’re warm and kindhearted but I guess that side comes out only when you honestly love someone right? Another reason why I want to make this decision is because ei wouldn’t stand knowing well get married one day with hate as our bond. Yelling and arguing. Knowing that you hate me. I love you too much to know that you hate me. I just want you to know I never hated you. I have loved you since the first day I’ve seen you and have been denying yet there no way around love. I love you parker ad I need to know you’ll forget me soon and move on. Live your life like a young adult should. Have fun and smile a bit. I never hated you and never will.
Love always, violet.
I put the letter in my binder and I climb into bed. I hear the door squeak open and the bed go down with his pressure of his weight. I pretend to be asleep. As I hear his breath even out I know then he is asleep. I stay awake just staring at the wall not knowing how to sleep. I hear him sigh and turn and tussle. At around 2 in the morning I finally fall asleep. I feel like I was asleep for 2 seconds when I hear Lilia calling my name telling me that I needed to get ready for school, I told her I wasn’t feeling well and when Damien and Julian came in to check I told them it was a girl thing. They believed me. When I hear them leave to go to school and then I hear their parent’s car leave the driveway I climb out of bed. I jump in the shower and put on some jeans and a long sleeved striped black and white shirt. I put on some converse and I walk downstairs. I make myself an omelet and bacon for lunch considering that it was already 1. I eat slowly forming the plan out. When I finish I put the dish in the washer and grab the kitchen cutting knife walking upstairs towards the library. I grab the note and I leave the bedroom staring at everything remembering. As I walk towards the library I look at everything and I stare at everything. I take a big deep breath while I walk into the library and stare at everything. I let a tear slip as I shut the door and walk back out towards me bedroom. I plug my I pod on and listen to my favorite songs. “The joke by life house
When you find me in the morning
Hanging on a warning
Oh... the joke is on you
You said you were pretending
Here's to unhappy endings
Oh... the joke is on you

To make sure yesterday doesn't repeat
I took a shortcut home, a left on the street
I know they won't find me here
I found out how to make mama proud
Be real quiet don't talk too loud
I try, try to disappear

My life is for the taking
Breakdown is awaking me
I'm ending all this pain

When you find me in the morning
Hanging on a warning
Oh... the joke is on you
You said you were pretending
Here's to unhappy endings
Oh... the joke is on you
I walk into the bathroom and I leave the door. Open. Listening to the song go on and on. I stare at myself in the mirror, my face staring back at me. My green eyes staring at me, shining and big. My complexion perfect as ever and my mouth a crooked smile full of sadness.

This is my last day
Should have been my first kiss
Think to myself will I ever be missed
I hope... or maybe I don't care
I wear my team around my neck
I love them so much gonna love them to death
Tonight... see the world through my eyes

My life is for the taking
Breakdown is erasing me
I'm ending all this pain

Before I could change my mind I cut my arm the pain unbearable I let out a small scream but when I do it repeadtly over and over again deeper and deeper, it feels almost nice, letting all the pain go away. I keep cutting until the knife slips from my hands and onto the floor with a clatter and the note on the floor next to me when I fall my green shining eyes closing and my lips smiling happily for the first time and the last.

My great escape
Is my biggest mistake
I think you better turn around
don’t throw it away
today... today...


Parkers POV

As I’m walking toward math I feel a deep pain slash through my arm. I wince and let out a small scream. Julian and Damien stare at me. The slashes keep coming and deeper. I almost fall to the floor but I hold myself against the wall. I croak out the name that pops into my head. Violet. “Violet” I croak out as I breath and start running towards my car. Damien and Julian hot on pursuit. Lilia runs to her car and we all speed home. I park my car and run upstairs the gang behind me. I hear music coming from upstairs ad I sprint up the stairs taking those 2 at a time. I walk into the bedroom and I look around not finding her there but I find the I pod. I UN plug it A note next to it.

Dear parker.
I know we met under the weird circumstances of our parents arrangements and that I have to be honest that I have developed feelings for you , yet again here I go with the honesty thing again, I know you are not happy. I see it in your eyes. I feel it in your heart, you think you love me but that’s all part of the game our parents created the day they were bored. I know that your parents will understand that I loved you yet I can’t go through the pain I feel every day. My heart throbs hard against my chest almost like a bomb in a bird cage... I know you’ll find someone eventually and somewhere and sometime I will be smiling down at all of you. You will be different with her you’ll be gentle loving caring and protective. You will hold her in your arms and just think about her never second looking at another girl. I know this because ei know the real you. You’re not the mean jerk that I’ve been shown you’re warm and kindhearted but I guess that side comes out only when you honestly love someone right? Another reason why I want to make this decision is because ei wouldn’t stand knowing well get married one day with hate as our bond. Yelling and arguing. Knowing that you hate me. I love you too much to know that you hate me. I just want you to know I never hated you. I have loved you since the first day I’ve seen you and have been denying yet there no way around love. I love you parker ad I need to know you’ll forget me soon and move on. Live your life like a young adult should. Have fun and smile a bit. I never hated you and never will.
Love always, violet.


I turn around slowly towards the bathroom and that’s when I see her, there the knife next to her. She’s on the ground slumped on the wall. A note next to her. I scream to everyone to come no and I walk towards the bathroom. I go and see her arm gashed up and I blink back tears. I have the note crushed in my hand when Damien and Julian walk in Lilia hiding behind them. I look at them “she wanted to kill herself.” I walk toward her and I feel a light pulse. But she lost a whole of blood. I pick her up and she falls limp in my arms. I run downstairs to the basement and lay her on the bed. Julian checks her out and stares grimly at me. “She’s lost a whole lot of blood. It’s either she dies or you change her. I stare at him unwilling to understand. He shakes his head. I yell at him. “She wanted to die.” I stare at her. “Just let her die then” Julian then snaps his heap toward mine. He stalks and pounds the table. “Are you kidding me? “He snatches the letter from Damien hands when he looks at me “this girl this loving caring funny girl rather takes her life then see you miserable. She thinks you have a good side. She thinks the best of everyone but her parents but I mean I even hate them anyway, she left you this note. God damn it read the fukinking note. Did you let me reads this specific part of it. Ok ay. Knowing that you hate me. I love you too much to know that you hate me. .. I know you’ll find someone eventually and somewhere and sometime I will be smiling down at all of you. You will be different with her you’ll be gentle loving caring and protective. You will hold her in your arms and just think about her never second looking at another girl. I know this because I know the real you. You’re not the mean jerk that I’ve been shown you’re warm and kindhearted... “He stops and stares at me venom in his hazel eyes. I let that sink and then nod my head. “Let’s do it.”

3 hours later.

I sit in the living room waiting for the hours pass. Just a few more. Usually it only takes 8 hours. Julian stills mad at me but Damien is okay. He was watching some football team when we hear the door open. I see my mom walk in. she looks at me and then sits down. “So you really turned her. She is now part of our world.” The only response I could actually respond was a nod.


Violets POV

I see bright lights when I open my eyes. I wondered if this was heaven but I felt pain. In my neck in my wrist. Is this part of haven pain? I feel cold and I can’t see anything anymore its all black.