Less than Perfect by S. J. Evans (love letters to the dead txt) 📕

have to apologize to me for being your beautiful, honest self. I love you, no matter what you do. And I’ll keep loving you until I breathe my last breath.”
Skye shivered underneath his warm body, chilled by words so meaningful she almost didn’t believe they were spoken. Her heart thumped against her chest, a beat so slow it was almost painful. He confessed love to her, again. Those same words rang a melody in her mind, over and over again, so beautiful and peaceful that for a moment it was hard for her to breathe.
“Jules,” she sobbed. “Please don’t leave me? Stay with me, even after they get back. I don’t want you to leave me yet, I need you.”
He sighed deeply, his chest practically heaving. “I’m sorry, Skye,” he whispered. “I have to leave. I wish I could stay, I really do. But I have to go for now. You know my father needs my help. I’ll keep you on my mind, you know I will. And I’ll always be on call for you, if you ever need me. I’m going to be back soon, don’t worry, Skye. I’ll never leave you like that.”
Her entire body was shaking, her emotions and nerves shattering all hope she desperately tried to grapple onto. No, no, no

, she screamed at him in her mind. Don’t tell me you love me and then leave! Even if you have good reason

. She wanted to yell at him, tell him everything that was running across her mind—her love for him; her pain; her insecurities because of Johnny; her hurt; her everything. But she couldn’t. Her heart was beating too loud and fast in her ears, the sound stripping her emotion away. She fell numb, gasping for air though she knew she had plenty of air in her lungs.
The words came out of her lips without permission as she spoke, “It’s okay, Jules. You go ahead; I can handle whatever comes next as long as I keep you in my thoughts. Just, please, don’t stay away from me for too long.” She pulled herself away, searching for his emerald eyes. When she gazed into his eyes, every worry, every fear, every doubt, every pain seemed to slip away. It was as if, just by the mere glimpse into his soul, she was warmed and comforted in a way no one else ever could. How could he have so many very different affects on her?
“Are you sure, trouble? I don’t want you to be hurt,” he conjured. “I want you to be happy, free of this pain. I don’t want to be the reason you’re in pain, either. It would kill me.”
She smiled, despite the slight pang in her heart. She was happy; only, the happiness was also surrounded by a lot of pain from the continuing abuse that plagued her soul. She wouldn’t admit that to Jules though. She couldn’t.
Wrapping her hands behind his head, she played with his golden hair and shook her head slowly. “I’m sure you won’t hurt me, Jules. You’ve already helped me more than I could have asked just by simply being here for me. You don’t have to worry about me now. I’m going to free myself from any pain there is left inside me. I’m going to be genuinely happy again, soon. Please understand me, Jules? I need you to understand what I just said to you. Because, I love you, Jules; and I don’t want you feeling bad for me anymore. You’ve helped me in every way you can, and now it’s my turn to help myself. I can feel this way, remember?”
He nodded, once, twice, in agreement. “I understand you whole-heartedly, Skye. And I’m going to let you have things as you wish; because, you’re right, it’s alright to feel the way you do. I can’t change that, nor should I want to. But I will leave here with one last thing.”
Skye chewed her lip, apprehensive. “What’s that?”
“This,” he said, cupping his hands around her face and kissing her. It was a soft kiss full of so much emotion, depth, spirit. It was a kiss that warmed each of their bodies, shooting imaginary fireworks in the backdrop. They didn’t pull away right away, but instead kept their heads mere fragments apart, their breath coming out heavy and edgy.
“That was—” Skye breathed, choking on the rest of her words.
Jules finished for her. “Incredible.”
His hands were at her hips, keeping her securely on his lap. His full lips parted as he carefully brought them back against hers. He made a small sound as she pulled away again, almost a sigh.
The rest of the world had been clearly stripped away when they’d kissed. It was just the backdrop, barely there really. Skye caught her breath, pulling herself upright. She brushed her thumb over his chin as his hands traveled up to the small of her back. She saw the smile in his eyes, felt the previous emotions fall away. Something flew up into her stomach and fluttered repeatedly, tickling her enough so that a small smile played about her lips.
Looking at the boy who changed everything she once thought she knew about herself, she realized just how much she needed happiness. She’d craved it for so long, but never once really tried to find it. She found it with Bryan for awhile, before he changed, and she used to find happiness with Leah. But ever since she married Johnny, she and Skye’s relationship changed, for the worse—though Leah barely noticed it. Rachel had brought her joy and happiness many times; but it still wasn’t the kind of pure joy and thrill she got with Jules. She knew real happiness when she was with him.
He really did seem to be her angel.
A sound clapped behind them both, startling them. Skye’s nerves tensed when she felt his presence—Johnny’s. They were back from the hospital. And Jules was still there, right beside Skye. He would be close enough for Johnny to get upset. Skye could only imagine how ill-minded he would react.
She felt the alertness of Jules’s suddenly very shaky body. She could feel the tension in his body as he gently pushed her to her feet and followed suit. She closed her eyes, swallowing hard on the lump of anxiety that was caught in her throat. She felt someone’s strong, warm hand grip hers, squeeze it, and let go again.
Something brushed through her hair and into her ears—whispers. “I should go,” the voice said.
In the driveway before them, only feet away, were Leah and Johnny, making their way around and closer to the slightly on-edge couple. “Go ahead, Jules. I’ll wait for you.” She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him on the cheek—something she knew Johnny couldn’t speak out about. Johnny would have no right.
Skye, practically in the separate worlds that were playing themselves around her in slow motion, breathed a long breath. She closed her eyes a moment, remembering the past eventful morning, and put a smile on her face. She could handle anything, she reminded herself. Anything.
As she watched Jules leave, only giving a small acknowledgment of Leah and Johnny on his way by, she contemplated how she would handle Leah and, more importantly, Johnny. After all, he must have had something in mind earlier that morning when he asked her if she needed a ride home. He wasn’t being a kindhearted step-father looking out for his daughter, she knew; he was being something much different—and scarier—than that.
And it was then, when that thought crossed her mind, that she wished Jules wasn’t leaving her.

Skye watched as Johnny and Leah neared her, hand-in-hand, too close for her own approval. She kept her mouth shut though, didn’t speak out. She had nothing to say that wouldn’t hurt Leah’s feelings. And, after all, Leah couldn’t possibly understand why the thought of her and Johnny together seemed so impulsive to Skye.
She took a few deep breaths, disregarding any personal feelings towards Johnny, any pain that was still latched onto her heart. Freedom was waiting at the edge; she only needed to grab onto it and let go of her bitterness towards Johnny. As long as she hated him and let her emotions get the best of her, she wouldn’t be a strong defense in her case against him. She knew she needed to be strong, for not only her own good, but Leah and the baby’s too. She needed to be strong and set them all free.
“Welcome back, Mom,” she greeted Leah, feigning a smile. It was a lopsided smile, torn between being genuine and fake. She was happy to see Leah. But it didn’t make it any less painful.
“Oh, Skye,” Leah exclaimed, rushing up to her daughter and wrapping her in a warm hug. She pulled her daughter close to her, holding her as tightly as possible. “How are you feeling? Did that boy bring you home?”
Skye sighed into her mother’s shoulder. “I’m feeling perfectly fine, Mom. And yes, Jules brought me home. Is that alright with you?”
“As long as you’re feeling better and nothing happened between you two that I should know about, yes, it’s alright with me.”
Skye chuckled a little. She was glad to see Leah as her normal, somewhat-protective (at least when it involves boys) mother; she was glad Leah didn’t hate her for what she’d spoken the night before. The last thing she needed was for her own mother to be unhappy with her too. Johnny was enough. In fact, he was too much.
“Nothing happened, really,” she said, pulling away from Leah and smiling, this time genuinely. “He was a perfect gentleman.”
“And you were a well-behaved young lady?” Leah questioned, knitting her brows together. She was smiling in the slightest, lips quivering between a smile and strict line.
“Of course I was,” Skye scoffed. “You know me.”
Leah brushed Skye’s hair behind her ears and smiled, holding her daughter’s face in her hands for a moment. “Yes, I do.” She planted a kiss upon Skye’s head. “Now let’s get inside!” she cheered. “It’s humid out here. And I’m dying for real lunch; not