Less than Perfect by S. J. Evans (love letters to the dead txt) 📕

“He’d be part monster,” she mumbled, barely audible.
“And what would be so bad about that, Skye? No matter what, the baby will be your brother or sister and it will need your love and affection too.”
“Yes, but—” she paused, deliberating on how she would tell her mother the truth. “Well, I’m happy you’re having a baby and that I’ll be a big sister. Really, I am. But I’m not sure that it’s a good thing. Now, I know you probably think that I’m just being dramatic and childish, but Johnny’s not someone you should be having a child with. He’s never been a good father figure to me and I’m sure he never will be. So do you really think that if he has his own child it will change that?”—she took a quick breath but didn’t allow her mom to put a say in the matter—“Because it won’t, Mom. Nothing is ever going to make him a good father. I mean, he’s not even who you think he is, Mom. And if only you knew who he really was, then maybe—”
She was cut off by the sound of the room’s door closing and loud footsteps approaching. Her heart slammed itself against her chest, speeding up in a matter of seconds.
“Johnny!” Leah exclaimed, looking up in the direction of the door.
Skye froze, chilled to the very bone, and sucked in a quick breath before turning around. He looked about the same as he had when she’d left him: exhausted and weary. The only difference was that he was wearing a slightly amused expression on his face. But behind the amusement, Skye saw wrath in his eyes. Could he have heard what Skye was saying? She didn’t want to stay and find out.
“Hi, Johnny,” Skye managed to say, putting on a fake smile. She told herself she had to play innocent, whether he had witnessed the previous conversation or not.
“What’s going on in here?” He asked, looking directly at Skye.
Those were the last words she wanted to hear. Leaning back against Leah, she regarded him with a winning (but fake) smile and shrugged. “We were just talking about the big news,” she stated casually. Though, inside, she was on-edge, waiting for a sign that he for certain had heard what she was telling Leah. If he knew, it would be the end of her. Or worse. He’d make her suffer to extremes.
“You were?” He said, almost hinting at disbelief.
Leah went slightly rigid around Skye, something she was known to do when she was about to lie or cover the truth. “Yes, Johnny, we were. Would you like to hear the good news?” she said quietly. In technicalities, she wasn’t completely lying, but Skye knew Leah hated bending the truth. It was something she didn’t do often; and yet, for some strange reason, she bended the truth this time around. But maybe she didn’t want to believe Skye, maybe if Johnny hadn’t entered, she wouldn’t have let Skye continue. It was always a possibility.
Johnny walked over to them, bending down to kiss Leah on the forehead before standing up and grinning. “Yes, of course I would,” he replied.
Getting up, unable to look at Johnny in the eyes anymore, Skye brushed past him and sat down in the chair by the window on the other side of the room. She didn’t want to be near him; she couldn’t handle being so close. It made her imagine what misery he could bring her, all too well. Instead of listening to Leah give Johnny the “good” news, she tuned out, staring out the window in a feeble attempt to get away.
She thought of Jules in those moments, curled up in a chair in the hospital, waiting for a sign that Johnny wouldn’t hurt her though she knew it wouldn’t come. Jules was in her comfort zone. He was the only one who could make her forget all of the mess she had in her life; he made it so much more of worth.
Coming to, she heard Leah and Johnny laughing and looked to see what they were doing. Johnny was rubbing Leah’s stomach, what little of a bump there was, and whispering things in her ear that caused her to laugh. They looked happy, Skye concluded, sighing a deep sigh of regret. She hadn’t convinced Leah enough; she was still just as taken with Johnny as before.
Standing up, she let all of her nervousness about being around Johnny fall away and cleared her throat loud enough to break their playful gestures. “I hate to break up this ‘happy couple’ thing you’ve got going on here, but if you don’t mind, I’d kind of like to know why we’re still here, at the hospital right now. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with you anymore, right?”
Leah and Johnny both looked at her at the same time, smiles spread wide across their faces. “Technically we’re going to be just fine, but even so, the doctors say that I need to stay here tonight. All the lack of sleep was hurting the baby and caused my body to fall into a downward spiral. But there’s nothing to worry about, sweetie, because we’re going to be okay. I’m just going to be really tired for the next couple of days.” She took a hold of Johnny’s hand and closed her eyes.
“Well, as long as you get better, I’m fine with whatever.” Skye assured her, stepping up to the bed and squeezing Leah’s other hand. With her free hand she rubbed her tired eyes, sighing. Her head had begun aching from everything that was going on, and all she wanted to do was curl up, sleep, and forget anything ever happened. She wanted to forget that Johnny could know that she was about to tell Leah the truth; she wanted to forget that Leah was pregnant with Johnny’s child; she wanted to forget everything and move onto another life, one where pain didn’t lurk at every corner.
“Um, hey, I don’t feel very well, and I think that, like Johnny said earlier, I could use some good sleep in my own bed. So is it alright with you, Mom, that I go home and get some rest?” She opened her eyes only to avoid Johnny’s intent stare, looking into Leah’s for an answer.
Leah squeezed her hand, grabbing it with both hands, and smiled. “Of course, it’s alright, Skye. You should get a good sleep too, sweetie. We wouldn’t want you having a relapse of what happened earlier. So go ahead, sweetheart, we’ll see you tomorrow.”
Skye shivered a little, a wave of cold washed over her. “Are you sure? ‘Cause if you wanted me to, I could stay. I mean, I’m partially the reason you’re in this situation.”
Leah frowned, brows narrowed. “You most certainly are not the reason I’m here right now, Skye! I’m here because I’ve been working myself too hard and haven’t been getting the nutrition the baby and I need. It has nothing to do with you, sweetheart.”
Skye shook her head. “But you stayed up with me, all those nights while I was out of it. You didn’t get enough sleep! And I

put you through that.” She didn’t fully understand why they were arguing. Leah and Skye barely ever argued, even when it was more a matter of a disagreement, they just didn’t. They were always so calm with one another. It surprised all of them.
“Enough!” Johnny spoke, loudly. He put both of his hands up between them, as if to silence their argument. He caught both Skye’s and Leah’s attention. “Skye, you had no control over what happened while you were out and you couldn’t have possibly made your mother get hurt. Now, listen to me when I say this because I’m not taking sides, but your mother has been working herself really hard lately. You know that, I know that, she knows that. So let’s not break out a war about something that’s only going to upset one another, alright? Got it?”
Skye was thoroughly surprised. Never could she have imagined Johnny playing the role of Peacemaker. In her mind he was always the one stirring up the trouble. But frequently in the past couple of days, he’s surprised her in more ways than one. She couldn’t know what to expect or consider true anymore with him.
He was right though, she conjured. Though she hated to admit it, he was right. The yelling wasn’t appropriate in a time like that and the subject didn’t need to be dealt with. It was only a matter of apologies now.
“Sorry,” Skye said, ashamed. Grabbing her mother’s hands with both hands, she put a wavering smile on and pleaded with her eyes for forgiveness. “Johnny’s right; can we start over? I didn’t mean to stir up an argument. I know that can’t be good on the baby.”
Leah, looking as though she was holding back tears, smiled a sad smiled and nodded. “There’s nothing wrong here, not anymore. The baby will be fine, I will be fine, and you need your rest. Go home, I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you, my precious darling. Johnny will bring me home tomorrow when the doctors say I’m free to go. It’ll probably be sometime late in the afternoon. Now go, please, I’m feeling pretty sleepy.”
Practically in tears, Skye gave one last reassuring squeeze of Leah’s fragile hand and stepped around the foot of the bed. She glanced towards Leah and smiled, sadly. “Goodbye, Mom.”
As she was heading towards the door, as an exit, a large hand gripped onto her arm gently and turned her around. She avoided looking him in the eye, holding her breath. She was too close to him again, too close to Johnny.
“Do you need a ride?” He asked her, voice calm and—almost—sweet.
She shook her head. “No, I’ll get a ride,” she said before wiggling from his grip, rushing herself towards the door in a casual manner, and pulling on the handle to leave the room before tears spilled from her eyes and washed down her cheeks. She was a mess and she couldn’t figure out why. It was all just too much. Running down the long white hall, silent tears running down her face, she came to a wall and leaned against it to catch her breath. Before she could even pull her cell out to call for a ride, she collapsed against the wall and balled. She sobbed, sobbed until she couldn’t anymore. She sobbed until someone sat down next to her, black shoes and a long white coat coming into her blurred eyesight.
She felt a strong hand touch her shoulder, carefully, and couldn’t help but flinch, though she knew it wasn’t Johnny’s. “Joe?” she gasped, turning her head towards the man sitting beside her. Wiping her tears away, she saw the worry in his eyes, framed by pale skin and cropped dark hair atop his head. She saw Joe; the man who she’d wanted to be father back in seventh grade and again wouldn’t mind having him married to Leah instead of Johnny now. At least there wouldn’t have been all the hurt and fear.
“What’s wrong, doll? Did something happen in there?” He asked her, squeezing her shoulder as a