Lost to You by - (book club books .TXT) 📕

From her doorway, Elizabeth watched me walking down her hallway. I kept glancing behind me, making sure she was still there. The way she had her head cocked, her blonde hair fell in sheets of gentle waves over one shoulder, and that same smile that had torn me up the entire night whispered at the edges of her mouth.

All I wanted to do was turn around and bury my hands in those waves.

Tilt her head up and press my lips to hers.

She’d taste sweet.

I’d put money on it.

She’d have to rise to her toes to meet me, and I could almost feel the way the length of her body would mold against mine as she struggled to get closer.

The need was strong, so close to being overpowering.

Shit.

I had to get away from her and put some distance between us.

Right before I rounded the corner, I paused.

Something inside me clenched with the thought of leaving her there. I just stared at her, having no idea how I felt or what I wanted to say.

Knowing I was acting like a freak, I forced myself to say something. “Lock up behind me, okay, Elizabeth?”

Maybe it was lame.

But I just . . . wanted her to be safe.

Needed to know she was safe.

Confusion fluttered across her face. Then she smiled and gave a little wave of her hand. “Of course. Good night, Christian.”

I nodded once in her direction and turned the corner.

Elizabeth disappeared behind me, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was walking away from something that I shouldn’t.

Hating the strange feeling, I flew down the stairwell and out into the heavy night air.

Outside, it was still hot, the skin at the nape of my neck beading with sweat that I wasn’t positive had anything to do with the humidity hanging in the air.

I just didn’t understand this.

I couldn’t put a finger on what I was feeling.

I didn’t know if I should embrace it or run from it.

On Monday at the café, I couldn’t help but think Elizabeth was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.

I’d flirted.

Messed with her.

Coaxed the shyness from her because it was just so freaking cute.

I knew I wanted something more than I normally did from a girl. That I wanted to know her and see that smile light her face.

But tonight—tonight was entirely different. Tonight, she had made me feel different.

I mean, yeah, I wanted her.

Badly.

I’d had a really hard time keeping the images at bay, ones of wrapping my hands around her thighs and tugging her away from the wall. I could almost hear her book hitting the floor when I shoved it aside and pressed her body into the bed with mine.

It’s what came naturally, what I would normally do, the instinct I had to reach out and take what I wanted.

The thing was, she’d made it abundantly clear we weren’t crossing that line.

That didn’t mean I missed the way she reacted to me. The way she’d flush and shift beneath the attraction that made her uncomfortable.

Part of her wanted me, too.

But there was something that hung in that room that held me back. Something in the softness of her eyes and the in sweetness of her voice.

Elizabeth had to be the most transparent good girl I’d ever met.

I couldn’t—wouldn’t—take advantage of that. It made me sick to think of tainting her.

Knowing me, I’d take what I wanted, get bored, and push her aside. I wouldn’t mean to, but I’d hurt her, and I couldn’t stand the thought of doing something so vile.

She asked me to be her friend, and I wasn’t going to fuck that up by giving into the overwhelming urge I had to touch her.

I could deal with it.

Elizabeth could see through all my bullshit, anyway.

A sarcastic huff escaped my mouth.

I think I was sorely underestimating Elizabeth.

The girl could probably see straight into my soul.

Chances were, she wouldn’t let me touch her if I tried.

With a mumbled groan, I rubbed the tension from my face and dug my cell from my front pocket. Tom was on speed dial, and he answered on the second ring after I’d dialed.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Tom yelled over the deafening background noise. Music thrummed above the roar of indistinct voices. It sounded like the perfect escape.

“Just wondering what’s happening tonight.”

“We’re all at Sam’s. You headin’ over?”

“Count me in. I’ll be there in twenty.”

At my building, I took the stairs two at a time and let myself into my apartment.

Dropping my backpack to the floor, I shed my button-up for a fitted black tee and headed into the bathroom where I wet my hands under warm water, splashed some on my face, and ran two hands through my hair to tame the mess it’d become.

I straightened and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. A grin clung to my face, something I doubted I could dispel if I tried. I realized I felt good.

Really good.

Tonight had been . . . fun.

Refreshing.

Grabbing my keys, I headed out the door and jogged the two blocks to Sam’s place. I could hear the music pulsing as soon as I landed on his floor.

With a single knock against the door, I let myself in.

Bodies were cramped nearly wall to wall.

It definitely wasn’t the smallest apartment I’d been in since I’d gotten to New York, especially considering I’d just left Elizabeth’s.

I still couldn’t make sense of the way she’d looked at the place as if it were a palace.

But here, it felt suffocating. People were packed into the tight space.

Some were huddled in groups where they conversed along the walls. Others pressed and throbbed against each other as they moved in rhythm to the music on the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room. More were piled on the two couches or sat on the floor.

“You made it!” Tom yelled. He had a red cup lifted over his head as he shouldered through the crowd and cut a path to meet me. He pushed out a fist for me to bump.

I returned it.

“Hey, Tom, how’s it going?”

“Great, man, great. Look at this place.”

I met him when I first got into town. He was from here, had some connections and knew the area. He was cool, a decent guy, my passport to Friday night.

He was the one who always knew