Lost to You by - (book club books .TXT) 📕
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I already knew the way to her room. I had been there several times.
I palmed Lisa’s slender hips and flattened my body against hers. And Elizabeth was still there, her hips curvier, her round ass fitting perfectly in my hands.
I groaned, and Lisa giggled.
Fuck.
My hands snaked under her shirt, my palms gliding up her sides as I pushed it over her head.
Oh God.
My mouth came down aggressively against Lisa’s as I palmed her breast in my hand, anything to fill up and shut out whatever was resisting this from happening tonight.
Lisa ripped my shirt over my head, went for the buttons on my jeans while I kicked off my shoes. Her skirt was on the floor, and I was pushing her to her bed.
I climbed between her legs.
The only thing I saw was Elizabeth. Could do nothing but imagine what she’d look like lying there, instead.
How soft she would feel.
How this would feel different.
I could never have Elizabeth, but still, I knew I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t fuck some girl while I pictured Elizabeth’s face. It was wrong—disrespectful to Lisa—but what I really cared about was the overwhelming feeling that it was even more disrespectful to Elizabeth.
Unwelcomed hands were at my waistband, pushing down my underwear. I struggled back, got to my knees, and pinned her arms at her sides.
For a moment, confusion filled Lisa’s eyes, before a slow, sexy grin took her over, misunderstanding seeded in the manipulated compliance.
I dropped my head, and a heavy, regretful breath forced from my lungs. “I can’t do this, Lisa.”
The confusion was back, a mix of hurt and anger and embarrassment.
“What did I do? I don’t understand.”
I released her arms, and she reached for me, her fingertips just grazing across my bare chest as her eyes and mouth implored, “Please.”
I understood it then.
Saw it.
All the times I’d done this, and then walked out the door, left some girl alone after I’d used her up, many times when I didn’t even know her name.
Was I really blind enough to believe that they were just like me, that one night was all they ever wanted, and that they never gave me a second thought once I was gone?
Because when I looked down at the blow I’d just inflicted on Lisa, I knew that was not the case. She’d thought of me, wanted me.
“I’m sorry, Lisa.” Scooting off her bed, I fumbled to get back into my jeans. I grabbed my shirt from the floor and tugged it over my head. “I can’t do this anymore.”
She looked away, to the wall, and covered her breasts with the drape of her arm. “You’re an asshole.”
The statement came so quiet, yet its truth consumed the room.
“I know.” I guess it was something I’d always known. It was just the first time I’d admitted it.
I left her there, took the stairs because I needed to burn off some of this unspent energy.
Elizabeth had gotten under my skin. Exposed who I really was just by reflecting her light onto me.
She didn’t have to voice it. It was spoken in the way she resisted me the first day, in the assumptions she made that weren’t really assumptions at all because they were nothing but the truth. It was clear in the way her eyes clouded with a token of distrust, a barrier she had to place between us to protect herself from me.
Because Elizabeth knew she could just as easily be like Lisa, left alone upstairs, instead of my friend who I couldn’t wait to see again.
I ran back to my apartment and let myself into the darkness. I went straight into the bathroom and blasted the showerhead, turning it as hot as it would go.
I shucked my clothes.
Steam filled the room, and I stepped into the water and welcomed its relief. Hot sheets blanketed my back, and I raised my head, let the waves flow down my face, let it wash the night from my body.
Stepping from the shower, I toweled myself off, slipped into a pair of boxers, and fell back against my bed.
I lay, staring at the ceiling, not knowing what the hell I was supposed to do. I was completely mixed up, but in some strange way, I felt okay with it.
Shaking my head at myself, I grabbed my phone. It was just before one in the morning. Earlier than I normally would come crawling back to my apartment, but late enough that Elizabeth would probably think I was complete freak if I gave in and called her just to check that she’d had a good night.
Instead, I tapped out a message and pushed send.
I was shocked when my phone buzzed a few seconds later. I couldn’t help but smile when I read the words.
Elizabeth: Sleep well, Christian.
A tiny sigh escaped my lips as I clutched my phone to my chest. Darkness crawled along my ceiling, all except for a thin strip of light that slanted off to one side as it snuck through the top edge of the blind.
It turned out I was right about Christian.
There was no doubt the first impressions were true, too, the ones about the girls and how quickly he flew through them. I knew if I wasn’t careful, I could so easily end up one of them.
But beyond that, he was kind.
And he needed a friend.
I reread the text I received a few minutes earlier.
Christian: Wanted to tell you how much tonight meant to me. TY Elizabeth.
It was late, though the city was still alive, horns and sirens echoing outside my door, magnifying how intensely quiet it was within the walls of my apartment.
And I felt warm. Good. Thankful.
Thankful Christian had become a part of my life.
The next Friday, Elizabeth and I were back at the café where we first met. Even though we’d just met here yesterday, we decided to meet again tonight so we could cram in a few extra hours of studying for our first American Government quiz next week.
Elizabeth downed the last of her coffee. “So, I think I’ve finally got it,” she said, though her tone hinted that she was only trying to convince herself, her head nodding as if she were mentally calculating another problem.
Of course, I’d spent most of the time trying to help her with her calculus homework, trying to ingrain these concepts that continued to try to slip right over the top of her head.
Finally, it seemed to have snapped into place, this light flicking on and warming the honey of her eyes. I’d just sat there, staring as she came to understanding, wondering why I felt like some inflated hero when she looked at me like that.
Now she chatted ceaselessly, as if I’d managed to toss the weight from her shoulders. “I really didn’t think I would. I mean, I studied it again and again and it just wouldn’t sink in.”
She climbed to her feet and grabbed her backpack from the floor. She flopped it on the table and began stuffing her things inside. There was nothing ditsy in her words, just this thankfulness that oozed from her mouth. “Thank God I met you, Christian.”
She glanced up at me with a gentle smile.
I was so right on about her. She was the nicest girl, innocent and sweet.
And sexy as all hell.
That was the only problem with this whole friendship thing. How could I reconcile the respect I had for her and want to peel the clothes from her body every single time I saw her?
I was pretty sure something in that equation didn’t add up.
I smirked at her just because I liked the way she blushed every time I did. “Now you owe me.”
She blushed deeper at the insinuation and dropped her head, and I couldn’t help but wonder just how innocent she was. I knew I had to watch myself, to keep everything that wanted to push its way out in check if I was going to successfully walk this fine line.
I gathered my things. “You
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