Making Circles by Vanessa Gilbert (summer beach reads .txt) 📕

I could; hoping that I would make it far. I know no one really cares if I’m there but I know that if I stay people will glare at me and stick with Marry saying it was my fault that I am a little whore and that I disserved to get yelled at.
I ran faster than I have ever ran before flying by the cars, the trees, the shrubs, people who had just arrived, and before I knew it I was running past the barn. I stopped running breathing heavily and looked behind me. There was a group of adults slowly running after me.
I sighed and said, “I guess I was wrong…they would follow.”
I took off my brown leather boots left, them where they landed, and began running again. I kept running ignoring the pain of the rocks that poked my feet ignoring the soreness of my legs from all of the running and soon found myself way out towards where they ride the horses on the trail.
The trail was different from the rest of their land. It was a bit smoother and had green growing grass, trees, and flowers that bloomed out of nowhere and just spread across the land. I remember that they even have a pond somewhere out here. I sighed and looked one more time back and saw not only the group of adults looking for me but the house and the barn…I had been running for more than I thought. I looked forward and began to make my way towards where I believed the pond was.
The pond was always calming…you could stick your feet in it, you could actually swim in it…they didn’t mind. It was so deep that you could drive down and you would never find the bottom, of course it had a bottom but we could never find it. I remember when my cousins used to live here and I almost always came to their house we would always go out to the pound and just dive trying to find the bottom.
I was the only one who was crazy enough and brave enough to dive deep enough to almost see the bottom…sadly I almost died but still was the first and last to see it. I looked around searching for it wanting it is way better than going back to the family reunion and having people stare at me for what happened or going back and having to talk to Carter about not only us but why the hell he couldn’t jump in when Marry was yelling at me....why he didn’t defend me…why he didn’t even look like he was going to try…just stayed leaning up against the wall…looking like he didn’t even care. I pushed the thoughts of the party…of the fight…of carter away and just focused on what I wanted to do, just go dive in the pond and find the bottom.
I stopped walking; put my hand over my eyes, squinted and just like that the pond magically appeared. I smiled and ran towards it remembering the times me and my cousins would joke about just diving in and never coming back up…or just living there by the pond in the weeping willow tree that sat beside the pond.
I sometimes considered running away there when I just wanted some privacy…even if I had everybody would know I was there. I reached the pond and felt the coolness of the water beckoning for me to jump in and to swim and just to be happy. The pond was a bit bigger than any normal pond…we sometimes considered it a lake but then again it was smaller than a lake so we usually considered it both.
I looked into the water near the edge I was at and saw my reflection. It didn’t even look like me, the person in the lake had big red tear stained eyes, her hair was a mess, and when she smiled even if it was for a second it was broken. I stared down at the poor girl and felt a bit of sorrow for the girl…then I remember that sad broken girl was me. I let out a sigh and said, “Well, I guess if I’m broken I’m broken.”
I looked up at the sky then I looked back at the water. I got as close to the edge of the water without falling in, turned my back to the water, tilted my head back to look up at the blue clear sky, then closed my eyes and fell back into the water. The water in closed around me and soon enough when I opened my eyes the blue tint of the water covered all other colors.
I looked around me and then down darkness was the only thing between me and the bottom. I began to swim deeper into the pond watching as my movements disturbed the peace of the water. I kept swimming and swimming until I felt the air I had slowly slipping away I could feel my lungs squeezing to keep ever last bit of my air. I quickly swam to the surface and as soon as my head was out of the water I gasped in air and began to cough.
“Ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh that was stupid,” I said out loud.
I swam back to the edge lifted myself up and out of the water then laid on the ground starring up at the sky breathing heavily. I let out a sigh as I sat up. I carefully stood up and then looked back at the house. I sighed and said, “Well I guess I should be getting back I mean after all it is a party.”

I walked into the house hoping no one starred…but like always they all I had to. I mean, how could you not stare at a girl whose hair was dripping wet, make up running down her face, and dripping wet dress. “Oh my god, honey what happened?” My mom asked walking towards me.
I sighed and hanged my head in embarrassment as I said, “I…I fell in to the pond.”
I couldn’t tell her…I couldn’t just say, “Well you see I was so angry I decided that I should just jump into the pound and just swim my worries and pain and stress away…oh and I tried to drown myself.” I sighed, I always told my mother everything…it was always easy…but it’s not easy to tell her that I tried to kill myself almost and then I chickened out.
I sighed again, nothing seemed easy anymore. I mean all through my Freshmen year I dealt with no problems yea I had a few panic attacks over quizzes and yea I had a few problems with gym but that was it. I never had the problems I’m having now…and I’m not even in school yet! I looked over at Carter who kept his position on the wall just trying to look like a cool guy that he always wanted to be…he always pretended he was that guy when meeting either my family, my friends, or somebody important to me.
Our relationship to him was like a play, as he once put it to me. His role was the charming, cool, exciting, dangerous, hot guy. My role in this play was the stupid, clumsy, over emotional, bitchy, ugly chick that he falls in love with and no one but he understands why. Also in this play of his I am weak and cannot help myself even if it were to save BOTH of our lives.
Right now we are at the scene of this play of his where he meets my family and no one and I mean no one approves of him. Where he just leans up against a wall, either smoking a cigarette or just starring at everyone, trying his hardest to look like a real bad ass…but right now he just looks…well kind of smug and he’s acting like a total jack ass.
Why the hell am I dating him? My mom wrapped an arm around me and led me to the back of the house where Grandma Rosie’s room was, grabbed a towel, and began to help me get dry. My mind raced with thoughts, images, wishes, and…and dreams sadly though all of this came to the same conclusion that involved the same person…Carter.
Carter the guy I swore I would never ever leave, Carter the one I swore to love forever, Carter…my best friend and yet here I stood wonder if I would be happier to break up with him or tell him to just be my friend.
“Well then just ignore me then,” my mom said.
I looked down at her dumbstruck and shocked on my face as I said, “What?”
Mom shook her head and said, “I swear Arien if your head wasn’t screwed on your body I’d say it would float away to the heavens. I asked if you were okay you looked a little stressed.”
I sighed, I was more than stressed I was downright tense.
I had to figure out how to dumb Carter and still keep him as my best friend. I sighed and nodded then said, “Yea, I’m fine.”
Mom handed me the towel then said, “Dry your hair off a little then I’ll re do your hair.”
“No mom it’s…its fine I’ll just…you know…go out with damp messy hair.”
Mom sighed then walked out of the room, leaving me there with my thoughts. “Okay, okay Arien just breath, I can come up with a few simple words…but then again,” just as I was about to finish the thought the door slightly opened and who else would it be but Carter.
“Babe, you okay,” Carter asked as he stuck his head in.
I looked over at him and as soon as I saw his face…my throat sealed up…locking up any chance I had of telling Carter how I felt about his analysis of our relationship…of how he acts around other people with me. “Uh, yea I’m fine just…thinking,” I said.
“Babe, when are you not thinking,” he asked.
I let out a sharp laugh…sharper than I wanted and said, “Ha well I guess…never.”
Carter smiled then stepped fully inside the room. My eyes unconsciously looking over him and my mind imagining one or more things that I wanted to do at this very second. Carter had his black leather jacket on, his blue jeans, a white t-shirt that has a design on it, and his skater shoes.
I watched him walk further and further in the room until he was right in front of me and snaking both his arms around my body and pulling me to his body tightly. I stared up into his hazel eyes and soon I was lost in the chocolate sea of his eyes. He lifted one of his arms, slowly moving up my body till the hand could cup my left cheek.
He slowly let his thumbs caress right under my jaw and then he slowly leaned in his eyes never living mine. It’s amazing how much we can say without even speaking a single word. I could feel his breath playing with my lips and blowing strands of hair that were dry away from my face. I slowly let my arms rise from where the hung limply from my side and wrap around his neck.
He smiled at me and then leaned in and planted a gentle kiss on my lips. I smiled under the kiss and felt him smile back. We pulled away and just stared into each other’s eyes for as long as possible…as long as we could stare into each other’s eyes it felt like…like nothing else mattered.