Less than Perfect by S. J. Evans (love letters to the dead txt) 📕

underneath her shirt, while the other kept her face close to his.
After a few moments like that, Jules moved his lips along her jaw, her neck, soft kisses on her skin, before giving her one last, fulfilling kiss on the lips. He pulled away then, disheveled hair hanging over his eyes, a grin spread wide across his face, breathing heavy.
Skye’s entire body tingled, riveted with the fierce, undeniable effects of their passion. Her heart was racing, her mind spinning, as she fought to catch her breath, lost in the measures of Jules’s love for her.
“Good enough?”
She grinned. “Yes—definitely.”
“I thought so.” He laughed heartily, before lying down beside her and pulling her against him. A sigh escaped his lips, so quietly that she barely caught it. “Are you sure this is what you want, Skye?”
Taken slightly aback by the change in course, Skye froze. Her mind shut down for a moment, torn between what she wanted and what she feared. Without looking into his eyes, she laced her fingers through his, and quietly replied, “This is what I want. I want to be with you, know everything about you. I can handle you. And that’s not going to change any time soon.”
“Are you absolutely certain?”
“I am absolutely certain.”
“It won’t be easy.” He caressed her cheek, pulling her to look him in the eyes. “The truth—I mean. It’s . . . not pretty.”
“I can handle it, Jules,” she said, and kissed him. “I love you. And I know that whatever the mistakes are you’ve made in the past, they won’t change the way I feel about you. I’m not going to abandon you, Julian Rane. I’ll stay beside you—no matter what.”
A small smile graced his warm face. “I really hope you’ll still feel that way after I explain myself.”
She smiled, kissed him once, and buried herself into his chest again. “I will. I promise.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
“I wouldn’t.”
He exhaled shakily, his warm breath bathing the top of her head. “This is a lot harder than I thought it would be.”
It became obvious to her that he was nervous. She could feel the shakiness of his body beneath her, and hear the thudding of his heart. Despite the part of her that craved the truth, wanted it more than anything else, she felt compelled to comfort him a bit by saying, “We don’t have to talk about this right now. It can wait. We’ve been through a lot today already.”
“No, Skye.” He shook his head. “We should. It’s about time you know the truth about me. The truth I’ve kept hidden underneath this—this picture perfect

façade. The truth that will show you just how innocent I truly am not.”
“Then tell me,” she whispered. “Tell me the truth. Tell me why I should be scared of you? Or why you can’t get too close to me without pulling away? Tell me why, Jules, why you’re so afraid of what could happen if we take a few chances, a few risks. Please

—just tell me the truth.”
He swallowed hard, closing his eyes. “Truth is,” he began, running his fingers carefully through Skye’s hair, “I didn’t use to be the good, tenderhearted man I strive to be now. I was something much worse than that. I was a thief, a criminal, a liar, and worst of all, a murderer

.” He took a quick intake of breath, opened his eyes, searching for some sort of reaction from Skye, but she made none. Either too shocked to do anything, or too focused on her thirst for knowledge to steer him away from the path he was venturing on.
Squeezing his hand, she told him to continue.
So he did, voice low and cautious as he treaded into murky water. “After my mom walked out on us, my dad sort of dropped out of his duties as father, and gave his full attention to his career, leaving me and my older brother James to fend for ourselves. We were only kids back then—ages nine and seven—without proper guardians to show us the way. Our dad had shipped us off to our aunt’s most of the time, desperate to be rid of anything that reminded him of Mom. And despite the fact that they’d eventually agreed to the divorce, he never really let go of her. It wasn’t until I became of age that I truly realized how much he’d really loved her, and how much hurt she’d caused him.
“And by the time I realized he’d simply transitioned into a lost, grieving soul after she left, busying himself in work so that he didn’t have to face the painful longing he felt in his heart, it was already too late. I’d already made too many mistakes. I’d already vowed to never forgive him for abandoning me. And James was already gone, along with my innocence.
“All of my biggest mistakes were made when I was sixteen,” he continued, working to catch his breath. “It was the year of my rebellion, the year of my loss in control, and the year I ventured deep into an abyss of trouble. James had gotten himself involved with a gang two years earlier, unable to see a brighter side in anything, and somehow he’d managed to reel me into it, too. And I’d never put up a fight about it since part of me couldn’t care less. Back then I was still angry with my father, angry with the change in course my life had taken, and nothing seemed to matter much anymore.
“It wasn’t until I met Clara, a girl I grew to care deeply about, that I realized how in-over-my-head I was. It wasn’t until the night things went too far, the night we crossed a dangerous line together, that I came to my senses and decided I made another vow to turn things around for the better. I promised Clara, and myself, that I would get out of the gang, turn away from the drugs and violence, and finally be the kind of guy who could truly love and forgive. But by then it was too late. I had already hurt Clara, and James, and I couldn’t save them. After my confrontation with the leader of our gang, telling him that I would no longer me a part of the mess they were creating, all hell broke loose.”
Tears were rolling down Skye’s face, little droplets cascading down her cheeks as Jules’s words rang in her ears. Her heart ached, her throat burned, and she struggled to hold herself together, grasping for the security of Jules’s warm hands. The truth was so far from what she’d expected, so different than what she’d imagined it to be, that she needed something solid to cling to—something real that wasn’t breaking her heart into a million shattered pieces.
She heard, and felt

, a choked, suppressed sob sputter from Jules, and held on to him for dear life, unwilling to release him in the slightest, wanting to be of comfort.
He took to her actions well, and instead of stopping for too long or giving up, he barreled ahead in the story of his past, saying, “Later that night, when Clara and I got into a heated argument, things got messy and we both ended up hurting each other, her mentally, me physically. She stormed off before I could apologize, and I was too shell-shocked at what had just happened too really stop her from leaving.
“Later on, I received a call from the leader of my old gang, Dave, and he told me that I had to meet them all for one final task before I could be out for good. I was already numb from fear of losing Clara forever, that I didn’t care what I had to do. I would have done anything to get out of their nasty little group. Only I wasn’t prepared for what awaited me when I got to their hideout in an abandon warehouse. Not prepared at all.
“The first thing I remember seeing was Clara, with her arms tied to a wooden beam, her clothes torn and dirty as she sat, hunched over, head hanging low. The second thing I remember seeing was James, his shirt torn away from his body, revealing gruesome bruises and gashes, his usually golden hair dark and filled with dried blood, while he shook on the floor, gasping for breath. And before I knew what was happening, I was being shoved forward as two of the gang members restrained me, forced to watch as Dave strolled in front of me, a nasty grin spread wide across his face as he lectured me about how disappointed he was in me, and how it wasn’t in my best interest to try to escape, but that it didn’t matter anyway because he was about to make me suffer. That’s all he wanted me to do, for the rest of my life—suffer

—and he made that very clear as he kneeled before my brother, beat him a few times with his fist, before he pulled a knife out just as quickly and took his life.
“I watched him die a brutal, inhuman death, which will forever be etched into my memories, and didn’t do anything to stop it. In fact, according to Dave, I was responsible. It was because of my

rebellion that he’d decided to murder my brother, and that made me responsible. I’d killed by own brother. Just at someone else’s hands. And that wasn’t even where the torment stopped.”
Jules could hardly catch his breath as he spoke, choked up with tears as, Skye could only imagine, the scene was playing inside his mind like a horror film, clawing at his heart all over again. She wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him that she couldn’t bear to hear any more, just as she assumed he couldn’t bear to tell any more, but couldn’t. She was also too choked up, and her own heart was pounding loudly in her ears as she imagined the end of this tragic story that had been Jules’s life once upon a time.
“By the time Davewas finished ripping at my brother’s body, I was in a heap on the floor, gasping, sobbing, and screaming in agony as my heart was torn in two. Dave had killed my brother. I

had killed by brother. And in those weak moments, I vowed that I would never forgive him, never forgive myself. I didn’t believe it would even be possible.”
“But as soon as my screams faltered and my eyes reached upwards, Dave taunted me with another devilish grin, playing with the knife in his hands. He wasn’t finished yet. He still wanted me to suffer, still wanted me to pay for rebelling against him. And as he took a few steps backwards, set his knife on the ground, and kneeled down in front of Clara’s unconscious body, I felt my heart break a little more, along with my soul. I’d figured out what he was about to do, and I couldn’t bear it. I tried to talk him out of it, pleading that I would do whatever he asked of me if he would just spare her life, but he wouldn’t be moved. He had already made his decision. And that was to destroy me.