Our journey from engagement to marriage by Shipra Saini (surface ebook reader TXT) 📕

I don't deserve to live. I don't have any right to live after giving so much sorrow to my parents. My mother is lying unconscious on bad, my sister is crying because of me and my father have tears in his eyes first time, only because of me. I don't deserve them. I don't deserve to anybody. I don't deserve to be live.
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'The customer you are trying to reach is currently busy.'

I pull my phone from my ear and looked at it. I press again call icon on Siddharth name and put phone on my ear.

'The customer you are trying to reach is currently busy.'

The lady said again on phone. He still put my number in block list.

I was sitting in a balcony of my room looking at the half fades moon in the sky. Tonight is a foggy night and I could see hardly anything outside.

Cold wind of January flown to my face and socking my tears on my cheeks. I pulled my hoodie more to me. I'm wearing his hoodie which he gave me the night when we were in fields at night. I wanted to feel his touch on me. I wanted to snuggle in his fragrance.

It's been a month when he broke engagement with me. It's been a month when he threw a stone on my heart and make it shattered into a million pieces.

My every night spend in my balcony which remind me the day when we both sitting here, cuddling each other. Everything in my room, reminds me about him. He is everywhere. I can still smell his scent in my room.

I call him everyday in a hope he will pick my calls or call me back but it didn't happened. He never called me back after that day. The heavy weight in my heart make its home there permanently. But I'm getting used to it slowly.

Shivani di left to her home after staying here for few days until mummy's health getting improved. Mummy is fine now but she is on blood pressure pills to control her blood pressure.

When everyone knows about the wedding, some people taunt us, some of them try to find the faults in me and people which had a dome humility in them, they looking at me with pity. My family go through a lot of shame when people laugh at behind their back. My family go through a torture because of me. I failed to give happiness to them.

I closed my eyes and fresh tears escape from my eyes. My heart will always be belong to him. I never stopped to loving him. He is my first love and I can't stop loving him whether he love me or not. My heart refused not to love him.

I don't know how long I was sitting there with my broken heart, with his thoughts in my mind. I locked myself in my room. I rarely go downstairs. I skipped my meals many time.

I wiped my tears with my palm and sniff. I took my phone from the floor and look at the time. It shows 3:25 A.M. of the next day.

I got up from the floor and walked to washroom. I looked at myself in mirror. The color on my face is faded and looked pale make me look almost white. My eyes are puffy and red along with my ears and nose due to the crying.

I washed my face with cold water and splashing water on my face until I felt a burning sensation in my eyes. I closed the tap and wipe my face with towel.

I switched off the light and came out from the washroom. Suddenly my eyes meet with most mesmerizing face in my life. His smile reminds me how my heart skip a bit just a smile on his face. 
Tears escape from my eyes. I can't stop myself to love him. He becomes my life now.

His photo is still on my bed side table. I don't know why but I don't have courage to remove his photo beside table.

I walk back to washroom and wash my face again. When I came back to room I walk towards the table where his photo is placing. I took his photo from table and put it in my wardrobe, hiding behind my clothes without looking at it. I know if I looked at it once again my heart refuse to do it.
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Ring...ring..

Ring...ring..

I was sitting in my balcony again, missing him so much. My phone is kept ringing. This is fifth time my phone is ring but I ignore it. Kshama is calling me after that day when she came to know about my wedding. She even came to my home to meet me but I don't want to meet her, I don't want to meet anyone. So I told mummy to tell her that I was not in a home. I know Kshama knew that I was telling a lie but she respect my decision and leave me on my own.

Ring...ring..

Ring...ring..

"Hello.."she said after I decided to pick her call. I can't ignore her long. She care about me lot and I can't keep dodging her.

"Hello...." I said in a dull voice.

"How are you Preeti ?" She asked me in a concern voice.

I didn't say anything. Tears rolled down from my eyes. I also don't know how I am? I sniffed and wiped tears with my palm.

"Preeti I know this is tough. It's More than a month since but you have to move on." She said in a concerned voice.

"For how long you locked yourself in your room. You have to come out one day. Join office again you will feel better." she said.

"I'm not ready to face anyone." I said in my dull voice.

I'm not ready to face anyone. Everyone will make fun of me. Everyone knows about my engagement.

"Preeti don't think so much. We will do fun like before. Please think about uncle and aunty. They are worried for you. At least for them join office again." She said, try to make me understand.

"Please Kshama..I don't want to do anything. I need sometime to recover myself and I don't know if I want to join office again and you know why? It's belongs to him. It's remind me of him." I whispered.

"Okey I won't force you. But think again, okey." She said.

"Okey.." I said and after that I hung up.

He is the owner of my company and everything is related to him, reminds me about him and it drive me crazy. I don't want to do anything. I just wanted to lost in my world where he and I are living happily as a wedding couple. Where he loves me and cherish me with his kisses. I know it's all in my imagination but It console my heart.