Apocalypse Before Finals by Julie Steimle (electric book reader txt) 📕

"I AM NOT PREGANT! WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX!"

Zormna then threw the rest of the boxed pregnancy tests the nurse had out the second floor window. A couple landed in the bushes, and one at a teacher's feet.

Of course the test came out negative.

And though the calming rumor (for the teachers at least) that the energetic Irish girl was not pregnant but was just severely depressed about something spread over campus by third hour, Zormna ended up in detention for the outburst.

"You are being disrespectful," her counselor said as she deposited Zormna there.

"And you're violating my privacy!" Zormna snapped back.

And that upgraded her to in-school suspension the rest of the day.

Jeff applauded when he heard about it in PE during clothes changing.

His friends raised eyebrows.

"She's PMS-ing, that's what," Jeremy Sills said to another jock just five feet away from Jeff in the locker room... which was a big mistake. Brian, Jonathan, and Mark had to grab Jeff to keep him from pounding Jeremy into the metal locker.

"You know nothing!" Jeff shouted at the skinny mop-headed boy.

The supervising coach had to take Jeff outside away from the other boys to regain his temper. "Breathe in and out. He didn't hurt her. It was just a remark."  

Jeff glared at him, but breathed in and out as instructed. Though it would have been sadly amusing if they both ended up in detention, he didn't think it would do him or her much good.

By Friday, Zormna had finally accepted that there really was nothing she could have done. Coming to that sad realization, she grew calmer and more levelheaded - or at least looked it to outsiders. And with her calmness, Jeff's temper evened. But those who knew him best were aware that he was actually on edge, his eyes sneaking looks towards those whom he had identified as FBI spies on campus. And Brian wondered what had happened. He didn't dare ask either person.

Finally came the dance.

Sadie Hawkins had always been one of the favorite dances at Pennington high, even without Miss Bianchi's party touches. Nearly everyone went to it as you didn't have to buy fancy clothes or spend money on limousines. Also, more girls got to attend, as it was a traditionally girl-bring-boy dance. And most of the students brought their favorite Mp3s for the DJ to play, just in case the music selection was terrible.

The gym had been decorated with two themes this year. The usual back hills theme of hillbillies with rusty tin covered shacks and shotgun weddings filled the back of the gym. In the front half of the gym there were overlarge shamrocks and giant toadstools made from bar stools covered with pillows and slipcovers. A fake waterfall and a construction paper rainbow with a huge pot filled with chocolate gold coins sat at the right of the door. A photo-stand set up to look like a garden, seen from leprechaun-size was on the left. Couples getting their picture taken had to sit on a mushroom among enormous dandelions made out of cardboard and crepe paper. Miss Bianchi took full credit for the clever arrangement though Jessica leaked that the art teacher, Mr. Unger, had built them with the freshmen during art club.

Another photo line stood in the back as part of the shotgun wedding. Two volunteer teachers lugged around ROTC rifles, standing next to the two students getting 'married' by the Driver's Ed teacher in a preacher's costume. He had all the props, including a small moldy book that looked like it had been printed and bound in the 1800's. Mr. Zeigler, Zormna's Biology teacher, played one of the shotgun-holding 'fathers'. The other was a student teacher whom Zormna was sure was an FBI spy.

Jeff arrived early at the dance with his date. They had come in matching flannel shirts for the occasion, and Jeff had a florist create a daisy corsage for his date who looked about as nervous as she was excited. His date had given him a matching daisy neckerchief. He wore it sideways.

"Zormna!" Jeff waved to her as he and his date crossed the room.

The freshman girl blushed at the sight of her presumed rival, raking over Zormna's 'angelic' features and perfect figure inside the cutest girl-leprechaun outfit made, trying to hide her jealousy. But Zormna only smiled at her with no degree of animosity. In fact, Zormna seemed entirely pleased Jeff had brought someone other than herself.

"Hey, Jafarr," Zormna replied, and also nodded to the girl whose name she did not know.

Jeff's date blushed.

Jeff shook his head at hearing his real name, wishing Zormna would not be so relaxed about that one thing. He had never been able to break her of that habit. "I heard you were in charge of food," he said.

Zormna waved over the table full of trays containing pie, cake, tarts, and Popsicles in ice. "Take one. Take two. Take seven. I only have to stay here as long as the food lasts."

Jeff smiled and helped himself to a strawberry tart. The freshman girl blushed and took a brownie.

"I don't think we've met," Zormna finally said, meeting the eyes of Jeff's date, politely. Most people found Zormna's gaze intimidating. Her dark green eyes seemed unnaturally piercing and few could meet her gaze for very long.

The girl blinked and blushed, wiping her mouth. She extended her hand. "Lisa Jones."

Taking her hand in a business-like grip, Zormna shook it firmly, as she would an equal. "Nice to meet you. I'm Zormna Clendar."

The girl blushed again, ducking her head. "Everyone knows who you are."

Almost flattered, Zormna felt her cheeks burn. "Well...uh...."

"Zormna!" a voice called from across the room.

Glad for the distraction, Zormna looked up to see Brian approaching with his date. In overalls and ripped off shirt-sleeves, Brian and his date had blacked out their front teeth and put pieces of straw in their hair.

"I hear you have food!" he called with a wide grin, bringing his date by the hand. Amanda looked happy.

Zormna laughed and waved her hands over to the table. "Take as much as you like."

Joy and Mark came to the dance not much long after that and quickly scoped out the party. Jonathan, and Stacey came later, dressed in matching overalls and sleeveless shirts just like Brian. All of them had creatively dressed up to look like countriest of bumpkins. Jonathan walked around barefoot and purposely slouched, talking with a drawl. Later, Adam had slipped in to the crowd with his date, looking a degree more fashionable in plaid and jeans and a straw hat, as his date was not going to go for the 'dirty hick' look...which was in fact the norm. Jennifer and Kevin dressed in matching colored shirts, abandoning the hillbilly theme altogether.

Darren arrived alone.

And Mark laughed at him...until Joy slapped his shoulder and told him to knock it off because it wasn't nice. Though Zormna had asked Darren to the dance, there was no real chance of them even getting in a dance because she had been snatched by Miss Bianchi to play the refreshment 'leprechaun'.  Jennifer had gotten out of being a leprechaun somehow. Zormna had guessed Jennifer's her parents had phoned the school and threatened to sue, calling it racial profiling. But since Zormna had no one backing her up like that, and she didn't want to waste her lawyer's time, she was stuck with the job. She had to be at the dance early to help set up. It was brave of Darren to show up anyway. And he had donned an outfit in total green to match his date, including a plastic bowler hat. He strolled in on his long legs and waved to Zormna to make sure she had seen him, and he danced by himself near the refreshment table where Zormna had been stuck. Most people thought he was just part of the serving staff.  

The event went on without a hiccup, much to Miss Bianchi's delight. There was a little mayhem, of course. But nothing worse than the usual goofing off. After Jeff had bumped into his buddies, they all pulled their neckerchiefs over their faces then briefly snatched the ROTC shotguns from the teachers to pose like they were about to rob a stage coach. Someone got the picture. Others spread it on Facebook and Tumbler. Someone had also run off with one of the giant daisies at the photo booth and Zormna was sent to hunt him down and bring it back. When the guy saw her coming, he dropped the giant flower and ran. A pic of her lugging the daisy back also ended up circulating, though you could hardly see her face.

The FBI had trouble hearing conversations over the noise of the music and mixed gossip. A number of their on-campus spies pretending to be chaperones (one of them being an ROTC-rifle-toting teacher and another with school security) could get nothing either. Though one of their targets was grounded to a station, the other roamed with his date, doing nothing more than showing the freshman girl a good time. When the last of the refreshments were finally brought out to the gym, Miss Bianchi gave the servers permission to join their classmates in the fun. Hearing it, the flame-haired Martian stuck in the fairy-land leprechaun suit quickly hurdled over the refreshments table and grabbed Darren's wrist, dragging him onto the dancefloor. Miss Bianchi dashed to the table to make sure nothing got upended.

"Woah, Zormna! Slow down! I'm not that good of a dancer," Darren exclaimed.

"Don't worry," she called back, leading him further onto the floor. "I'll show you what you need to know."

Darren laughed. And though he couldn't dance worth beans, he sure tried. He was just glad that Zormna had not been pulling his leg when she had invited him to be her date.

Many eyes turned to watch them as Zormna showed Darren a few fun and easy dance steps, which to him looked a bit like Swing. Of course, he knew it wasn't anything of the sort. So many of the boys watching them were jealous. Only Jeff (and that guy 'Sam' who had turned out to be an undercover FBI agent) had ever danced with Zormna. It didn't seem fair to them that a space-crazed loony boy from Pluto was allowed to put his hands on Zormna's waist and not get his teeth kicked in. If they had known that Zormna was purposely making sure every boy was jealous of him, they probably would have gone into conniptions.

Close to the end of the night, Jeff's date had retreated to the bathroom to fix her makeup and reassure herself that the evening really was happening and that she actually was on a date with Jeff Streigle, one of the coolest seniors on campus. He had done the date properly, including meet her father and mother and make small talk. He had proven to be gentleman. While waiting for her, Jeff sat on one of the stools decorated as a spotted mushroom to rest his feet.

Not long after he sat down, Zormna snuck over. She quickly leaned on his shoulder, wrapping her other arm around his back while draping her arm on the other side. Sticking her cheek next to his, she said with a laugh, "Lose your date?"

Amused, Jeff turned his head to say something to her, but a camera flash startled him. He blinked. Standing up and shaking her off, he muttered irritably, rubbing his eyes. "Cameras..."

Zormna chuckled, stepping back with a glance around herself. "I lost my date. Have you seen Darren?"

Jeff nodded, one eye open as he thumbed over his shoulder. "He's in the bathroom. He probably drank too much punch."

Plopping down on his abandoned stool, Zormna shrugged.

Just as she did, Michelle Clay sauntered up, dragging superman-sized Bradley Hershott on her arm. "Zormna! You look so cute there! You make such a good leprechaun." Michelle