Earthbound by DM Arnold (read book .TXT) 📕

He watched her eyes crack open and close again. “Oh, God, Nykkyo, I feel terrible. My throat's sore, I have a splitting headache and my face is throbbing.” He stroked her. “And I have morning sickness!” She stood and headed for the bathroom.

Nyk waited by the bathroom door. She emerged, holding her hand on her stomach. “I saw myself in the mirror -- I look awful.”

“Do you feel like talking about it?”

She nodded. “Let's talk.”

“That was quite a fright you gave your parents last night -- and me.”

She opened a box of saltines. “And me.” Nyk filled a tumbler with water and set it before her. She removed a stack of crackers.

“Are your demons herded up?” he asked her.

She ate a cracker. “For now. These episodes are so unreal to me. I remember everything, but it's like it never happened.”

“Do you want to die, now?”

She shook her head. “No. Except for my face aching, I feel perfectly normal. I don't want to die. I'm afraid of dying.”

“I shouldn't have left you last night. I should've listened to your mom. Can you forgive me?”

“You've done nothing to forgive.” She picked up a cracker. “I told you to go away. I got what I deserved, I guess. You've given up everything to be with me -- and I told you to go away.” She looked into his eyes. “I didn't mean it. Remember, in the future if I tell you to go away, I don't mean it. What I mean is -- I need some time by myself to think things through. Okay?”

“Understood. I'll never leave you again. Suki, I love you.”

“I know you do.” She kissed his injured hand. The wound was now a thin, red line. She stroked it. “Does it hurt?” He shook his head.

“Suki, I want you. I want you desperately. If you still want to consummate our love, I won't say no.”

“No, Nykkyo. Don't say that to me, now. I realize why things must be as they are.”

“But Suki, I have something important to tell you.”

“Please let me finish. I was about to tell you this last night. Then I discovered you'd left, and I completely lost it.” She ate another cracker. “I've reconciled it in my own mind. Nykkyo -- it's not fair for you to live like a monk. If you want to spend time with your Floran girlfriend, by all means, do so. I can't deny you that. You've promised to help me with the child. I won't keep you from Andra.”

“That was a Floran sentiment,” he said. “Perhaps you're beginning to understand our approach to love. Love isn't selfish -- it's generous. We think it's all right to love more than one. Our language doesn't have a word for friend. We use the word amfa, and it means lover. To us a friend and a lover are one and the same, and so are friendship and love. We use one word for both.

“What matters is depth and commitment. Suki, I love you deeply, and I am committed to you. That Andra and I discovered we're amfen does nothing to diminish how I feel for you. Neither does our expressing ama by sharing the gift. Andra knows you're my true love. She sent me to you with her blessing.

“I'm not apt to alter my Floran ways, especially when it comes to dealing with other Florans. I expect we'll have cultural differences from time to time. With understanding we'll get through them. I'm much more sensitive about your feelings now, and I'll modify my behavior accordingly.”

“Will you ever forgive me? I'm so ashamed of how I behaved. I'm trying, Nykkyo, but I am so fucked up. Do you have a word for that in your language?”

“Yes, we do. Suki, I already forgave you.”

“It'll take me a while to forgive myself.”

“There's something important I was about to tell you before this ... misunderstanding. Suki, I've learned we're not really related. I'm not a Kyhana, I'm a Veska. I'm not my father's son. Well -- I am, but my father's not who I thought he was.”

“Are you sure?”

“Beyond doubt.”

“You're not just saying that?”

“No. I am not your descendant.”

She looked at him, her eyes wide. “This means... this means...”

“This means I'm yours, Suki, if you still want me.”

She began laughing and crying simultaneously. “Of course I want you!”

“Haven't you cried enough?” he asked wiping his own eyes. “I'm surprised you have tears left!”

She opened her arms to him and he fell into them. “How do you know? How are you sure?”

“Senta performed a DNA sequencing analysis on you. I'm sorry if you feel your privacy was violated but I had to know.”

“Senta? How did she obtain a sample?”

“I found one of your hairs. She performed the analysis and discovered you are likely an ancestor to Xarvo Kyhana, my legal father -- but not to my biological father -- or to me. I was conceived from an adulterous liaison between my mother and ... another man.”

“Oh, Nykkyo, I'm so happy.”

“Please -- don't be too happy. This caused me considerable agony, and I'm not over it. I was proud to be a Kyhana and now I'm an outsider looking in. I'm a Kyhana in name, only.”

“You're my Nykkyo.”

“Are you feeling better about yourself, about us?”

“Better for now. Nykkyo, this is how I've been my whole life. Please help me rid myself of the demons. Without your help, I'll never raise this child without a complete emotional meltdown.”

“Of course I'll help you. It's the assignment Destiny's given me.”

“You'll be patient with me? It won't be easy. I have a lifetime of difficulties to overcome.”

“We have a saying -- Urbafloran vi ne en un taka xi nefabrik't.”

“Which means?”

He kissed her forehead. “Floran City wasn't built in a single day.”

She finished the stack of crackers. “Oh, Nykkyo, I'd want you right now if I didn't feel so awful. I need to lie on my back with an ice pack on my face, until the swelling goes down to only twice normal size.”

“Your dad offered to drive me to the hotel so I can check out and retrieve my gear. I must send a message to the homeworld. I'll see you in a little while.”

Nyk brought Suki a fresh cold pack and she placed it over her eyes. He stretched out on the bed and pressed his palm against hers. She spread her fingers and they laced hands. “Last night, you called me Nykkyo in front of your mom. I don't think she noticed.”

“I'll be more careful, next time.”

“I hope there never is a next time.” He felt her grip on his hand relax and her breathing became deep and regular.

Yasuko poked her head into the room. “The door was open. Is she napping?”

“Yes,” Nyk whispered.

“Is she all right? Are you all right?”

“Yes to both.”

“Thank goodness.” She stroked away a tear. “I've seen suicide by one of those ... things. I don't want to see it again -- ever. I wish George didn't have it in the house.”

“You've seen it?”

“Yes. George's father lost his business and killed himself. I'll tell you about that awful experience some other time. Thank you, Nick, for caring for her.”

“Caring for her is the easiest thing in two worlds for me to do.”

Nyk sat across from George at a small table. George was explaining the rules of “go” to him, and they took turns placing black and white stones on a gridded board. Nyk felt Suki's hand on his back. “It's a clear night. Shall we look at the stars?” He followed her into the back yard. “If my folks had doubts about you, they're gone now. I'll call tomorrow and get the name of a counselor.”

“I'll come with you, if you'd like.”

“I'd like that. It'll be easier for me with your support.”

Nyk looked up. Though it was a clear night, New York City's lights washed out all but the brightest stars. “I never paid much attention to the stars,” she said. “When you were there and I was here, I'd come out and lie in a lawn chair and look up. I wondered which stars you could see from your world.”

“Most of the brighter ones.”

“I thought you and I might be looking at the same star. The thought some sun was shining on both our worlds helped me feel closer to you. Which one is Floran's sun?”

“You can't see our sun from Earth without a telescope.” He pointed skyward. “Do you see the constellation that looks like a cross?”

“Yes.”

“That's Cygnus, the swan. Do you see the wings, the tail, the neck and head?”

“Yes.”

“The bright star forming the tail is Deneb. Floran is in that general direction.”

“To think another world is out there, patiently waiting for the day when our peoples can be united,” she said. “Just a couple of days ago, you were walking the surface of that world. I wonder what's to come when we make contact.”

“My hope is for interplanetary friendship and cooperation.”

She embraced his arm. “Aren't you tired? I didn't get much sleep last night. How about some bed?” He laced his fingers with hers and headed into the house. “Nykkyo, I'm scared.”

“Scared of what?”

“That after last night it'll never be the same between us.”

“We have a saying -- Xa kel mi nedetru mifort.”

“Which means?”

“That which doesn't destroy me strengthens me. Our love is strengthened by last night. I certainly don't love you less.”

“Nykkyo, that's not Floran. It's Nietzsche!”

“Nietzsche?”

“That saying -- it's from Nietzsche, the nineteenth-century German philosopher.”

“Oh. I guess we can't have invented all the good sayings. We must've brought a few from Earth.”

She led him up the stairs to the apartment, closed the door and threw her arms around him. He kissed her lips. “Oh, Nykkyo, tonight was the only thing I could think about all through dinner. I can't believe I have you. I can't believe you still want me.”

“Of course I want you.” He kissed her again and felt her tongue against his. “This is all I could think about since I stepped aboard the shuttle.” He grasped the hem of her jumper and lifted it from her. “I've wanted you since I first laid eyes on you.”

She pulled his polo shirt from him and caressed his arms. He unbuttoned her blouse, slipped it from her and kissed her shoulders. She unsnapped her bra and let it fall to the floor. “I've always loved you,” he said. “I was born loving you.”

“How's that possible?” She guided his face to her neck and between her breasts. “We only met six months ago.”

He led her to the sofa and she sat on his lap. “When I gazed into your eyes, it awakened a love that had been sleeping in my cells.” She traded kisses and caresses with him. “Suki -- I love you so much -- I want you so much -- I can't believe how I want you.”

“Then take me. I'm yours, Nykkyo.” She lay on her back on the floor. Nyk knelt between her legs. “Take me,” she said, her eyes closed and her fists clenched.

He looked at her supine body. “No,” he said and shook his head. “Not like this.”

“What's the matter?” she asked and sat up. “Nykkyo, what's wrong? You said you wanted this -- I want to give myself to you -- for you. I couldn't do this for any other man.”

“Oh Suki -- it's supposed to be glorious. You looked as if you were bracing yourself for some ... unpleasant medical procedure.”

“But, Nykkyo -- I've ... I've never made love to a man before.”

“Never?”

“I told you -- I find men repulsive.” Suki looked into his face. “...not you, Nykkyo -- you're different. In my eyes -- you are not a man...” She put her hand to her eyes. “...oh God -- what I mean is -- you might look like a man but you don't act like one...” She let out an exasperated sigh. “No, that's not right either... I'm glad you're not manly because...” She rolled her eyes. “Nothing I say seems to come out right. I feel like some tongue-tied teenager.”

“Don't be concerned about insulting my manhood. Florans might have healthy egos, but they're not gender-linked. I understand what you're trying to say.”

“What I meant to say was ... you're not like any man -- or anyone I've ever known. It's why I love you and why I want it for you.”

“But -- what about your first husband?”

“I told Mom how horrible it was with him. She told me I could learn to like it -- that she learned to like it with Daddy. But, I never did. It wasn't lovemaking -- it was lying there and letting him have his way with me. So you see, giving myself to the rapist wasn't so difficult -- I had lots of practice.”

“That's not how