The Easy Way to Handle Anxiety by Johnny Montoya (carter reed txt) 📕

Remember that anxiety and panic don't last forever. It always comes to an end. You're not going to live the rest of your life in a state of anxiety. It's not going to happen. It will pass. Think of it like a wave. It comes, and then it goes. Then maybe it comes round again, but soon it's gone. Just ride the wave and take it in your stride.

Moments come and go. One minute you can be feeling shaky, then ten seconds later you could just as easily feel OK. Don't get too absorbed in what's going on in any particular moment. Just make sure your average across all moments is as good as you can make it.

Besides, each day is a fresh new day and a chance to wipe the slate clean, and reset your frame of mind.

* Use steady breathing, mental focus, and smooth, mindful, systematic movements to keep yourself calm.

* Observe yourself objectively and talk yourself through it.

* Record yourself narrating the experience, or record a pep talk to help you through it.

* Keep yourself distracted with a small book, by observing your surroundings, with mild fidgeting or walking around.

* Use logic to reassure your amygdala that everything's OK, and thank it for trying to help.

* Go on strike from worrying and demand that your amygdala tells you what the threat is.

* Pick something innocuous and treat it like a threat, as if you're really scared of it. Then act out a ritual to stop the threat. It's best not to do this in front of others, unless you don't mind looking silly.

* Respond to your amygdala by either attacking something or running as if from danger. Again, keep this one to yourself.

* Force yourself to worry about something ludicrous, and when you feel really stupid, carry that feeling back to your original anxiety.

* Measure how anxious you are with a score of 0 to 10, and visualise the anxiety level descending.

* If anxiety comes but no panic attack happens after a while, give yourself permission to relax, because it's probably not going to happen. If you keep worrying, say/ think “STOP!”

* If you panic, try ignoring it as much as possible. If you can't, then go the other way and make a spectacle out of it (at least in your mind).

* If you feel sick, do it quickly, quietly and with your eyes closed. Then have some water and a mint.

* When it's over, smile, relax, and create a positive memory of the situation, and of yourself.

* Visualise and practise each of these techniques often. You'll know which ones work for you, and you'll know what to do if you're anxious, instead of fumbling around.

* When you're anxious, try not to make a drama out of it. Learn to calmly contain it and do what you need to do.

* Anxiety and panic don't last forever. It's like a wave that comes and goes. Ride it and take it in your stride.

So, did all of that make sense? I really hope so.

When deciding what to talk about in this book, my main objective was to make it the kind of book that I myself would appreciate. That's why I've talked about all the things that have helped me over the years. I hope I've managed to effectively pass that on to you.

I like to think of this as a 3 part book, each part addressing distinct issues. The first one is understanding exactly why you and I have developed this anxiety thing that causes so much bother, and how our beliefs about it can either make things worse or better.

The second part is about how to deal with situations and environments that once upon a time were no problem, but which are now tricky. And the third part is what to do to calm things down if we get anxious or panicky.

In case you're wondering, yes I will be referring to this book myself if I need to. I wrote this for both of us.

Although I think it's a good idea to keep this book with you, I also think it will help you to make checklists based on what I've said in each chapter, so you'll have a quick guide to handling any situation.

I've kept the focus of this book on easy, instant, practical solutions and safeguards, but of course there are many long term things you can do to help. For example, meditation. You don't even have to read about it because there's not much to know. Just sit or lie down for 20 minutes every day, choose something to focus on (an object, an image in your mind, your breath), and if your attention wanders, gently bring it back. Mild exercise is good for you too. It puts you in an alert but relaxed state of mind.

Another one that I find really helpful is walking with confidence. Every day for 5 minutes I used to pace up and down with a very confident posture. I did that for 5 minutes each day, then 10, then 15, and so on until every day I was doing it for half an hour. It's quite funny, try it. And now, that's my default walk. Or should I say a toned down version of it. It's a nice feeling to know that even if you're feeling anxious inside, you can still walk like everything's fine. It helps a lot because it reminds you that you're in control and you can contain whatever is going on inside you. It also sends a message to your amygdala that there's no threat.

At first, it might feel strange to have so many measures in place. You might feel like you're really limiting yourself. But remember, that's not the idea. The idea is to initially make lots of little changes to your lifestyle that will reduce the chances of you becoming anxious.

Then after a while you'll begin to appreciate the difference, and it won't feel so weird. You'll establish a calmer default state of mind. That's when you can start challenging yourself by slowly letting go of your crutches. Here are some ways to gradually become less dependent on your safety nets:

* If you find yourself needing something from your box of fresh items or your bumbag, try just looking inside without taking anything. See how long you can go without. When popping out, leave your water bottle at home.

* When you go on your walks, pick a time when it's really busy and there's loads of traffic, and see if you can handle it. Set a timer for a long time, maybe 2 or 3 hours, and stay out for the whole duration. To prolong your time spend out, go to the park with a book, some music and some snacks, and just hang out for a couple of hours. Or hang out at a bus stop or a train station. Get used to seeing people coming and going, living their lives.

* Instead of telling a trusted friend to come over for a visit at a specific time, tell them to come over any time on a particular day, so you won't know exactly when to expect them. Instead of lying down and listening to music while waiting for them, do something else. Don't come up with any excuses to cut the visit short. If you feel like ending it, make it so that you'll have to think up a reason there and then. Put a bit of pressure on yourself. Or just tell them the truth. See what they say. If you feel anxious, stay in the room rather than leaving. See how long you can stick it out.

* When using public transport, try sitting away from a window and the exit. When driving, deliberately drive somewhere where there's bound to be heavy traffic. If you're invited to a bar, restaurant, party or whatever, don't give yourself an escape option.

The habits that you develop from this book will, if you let them, become automatic. But as you become more comfortable, you'll probably start to phase them out naturally without really thinking about it. You might forget to do certain things, or you'll remember but you won't care so much!

If you're the type to keep a diary, keep one and note down your progress, your thoughts, and how you deal with different situations. If you're not a diary person, at least make mental notes of your progress. Remember the good, play down the not so good. Only measure success and progress. Anything else is meaningless.

There will come a point when you'll realise that you haven't felt anxious in a while. Obviously I can't tell you exactly when it will happen, but it will become increasingly harder to even remember what it feels like to be anxious. And when you try to imagine the feeling or think back to times when you had it, it will feel strange and out of character. That's a really good sign!

Anxiety will start to become a bit of an alien, outdated concept to you. Every time you realise that you haven't panicked in a while, you'll feel stronger. The idea of being scared when doing this or that, or being in such and such place, will seem laughable to you. These epiphanies will give you a nice boost in your confidence.

Starting off with all these safety measures in place will get you so used to feeling comfortable, that you won't accept any other way of feeling. And guess what, you'll seek that feeling in everything. Somehow, some way, you will do all the mental acrobatics necessary to convince yourself that whatever you're doing, wherever you are, and whatever situation you're in, that you actually feel OK. Even without your safety measures you'll find a way. Comfort will be the new normal. That's how the mind works. Once it gets used to something, it seeks it again and again.

But there will of course be times when you slip back and become anxious out of the blue. Don't worry about that and don't give yourself a hard time. It happens. It's just your amygdala making a few last efforts at holding on to your old