How to Talk to Anyone (Junior Talker #2) by DeYtH Banger, Clive Cooper (epub ebook reader .txt) 📕

other random topics.
 

 

So How Do You Get Started?

 

Ok so you’ve got your topic, but how to bring it up? Well, you can start in one of two ways:

Asking a question Making a Statement (either an opinion or a fact)

Of the two, asking a question is usually easier when starting work on your social ability. That’s because it requires the other person to respond.

For example, if you say, “I love that watch, where did you get it?” That requires more response than the opinion statementof, “I love that watch.” In the second statement, the guy might just say thanks. In the first, he’s more likely to respond with a thanks plus a description of where he got it.

 

 

Through questions, statements & listening you get to know each other. That's how friendships & social circles begin.

 

Statements are very powerful too though. In fact, normal conversation is a mix of both statements and questions.

I recommend you experiment with both. The goal is to keep the conversation going by enticing the other person to give you more information to work with.
 

What NOT to Talk About

 

We all want others to accept us, but starting a conversation about yourself is usually not best. If the person doesn’t know you yet, he probably won’t have an interest in your life.

On the other hand, you DO want to talk about yourself once you’ve been chatting a bit. This is called Self-Disclosure and it’s vital to connecting with people. It’s an important part of how to be friendly.

Talking about yourself works much better as a conversation starter with someone you already know, like family members. They’re invested in the relationship and will be interested in what’s going on with you.
 

Take Action

 

Pick a social setting you’ll be going to soon, even a family event, and decide to practice the three parts to start a conversation. First get attention, then root the conversation, then talk about the situation or them.

Is this the only way to start a conversation?

No.

But this simple process will work in many social situations. And if you’re usually at a loss for how to start a conversation, it’s a great way to begin your journey to better social skills.

 

 

 

Chapter 1.1 - Honesty (Part 2)

 

 

 

Note: People are dump... all of them say that there isn't a secret in pulling strings... this is only in the movies... but let's talk for real... there is a secret... and I am into this shit... I am studying it... and soon... the formula si going to be out.

 

 

I won't say... "Hi"... I was nice... I passed... so fuck... you.... No more "Hi's" or just few more... just to to quite the shit... and then everything is over.

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

Carefreeness is crazy shit... nudity and nakecrossity...

- DeYtH Banger

 

 

 

How to Start a Conversation, Part 1: Get this One Thing to Get Started

 

 

 

Does this sound familiar?

You’re watching TV and suddenly notice someone talking…

Turning to the voice, you discover she’s talking to you, is halfway done speaking and you have no idea what she’s talking about?

Ok yes, that was my girlfriend yesterday. (D’oh!) But it points out an important lesson you need to learn, especially when talking to someone for the first time…

In this three-part series on How to Start a Conversation, I’ll share a simple process that’s surprisingly flexible. It works because it’s simple and based on human nature.

Your first step in talking to someone new is small, but it sets the stage for everything to come.

 

Get this and you’ll get conversations started

 

The first part of any conversation is to get the person’s attention. This can be done many ways, sometimes as subtle as how you walk up. But for now, we’ll go with the basics.

In the above example, my girlfriend didn’t get my attention so the conversation was a FAIL. I had no idea what she was saying since I’d missed the beginning.

 

When you start a conversation with someone new, things are a bit different. Not only could they miss what you’re saying, they might also feel caught off guard.

 

That’s worse.

You need to give people a mental pause to switch from what they’re doing (web surfing, daydreaming, plotting world domination) to realizing you want to say something to them. Otherwise you’re more likely to get awkward beginnings.

 

Easy to remember two-part process to get attention:

 

Smile. Helps you seem non-threatening and suggests you have good intentions. Open with a greeting. Simple often works best such as: “Hi”; “Hi, how are you doing?”; “Excuse me…”; “Good evening”; “Hey!”; or even “So…”

 

At this point, don’t continue talking until you have their attention. How will you know?

Well, they should be looking at you (which only takes a split second). If they didn’t hear you, go ahead and repeat your greeting.

Now I know you’re thinking, JUST SAYING THAT ISN’T A CONVERSATION.

You’re right, and we’ll discuss that in later posts. For now, the point is just to get their attention.
 

Slow Down, Reduce Anxiety & Talk to More People

 

Getting attention may seem simple and obvious, but shy talkers often skip it.

Nervousness and anxiety cause them to either say nothing, or rush in and say too much too soon.

Unfortunately, when this happens the conversation can begin awkwardly and the budding conversationalist takes it personally thinking, “I’m not good enough.”

In fact, what happened was just a natural reaction of the other person being thrust into a conversation before he was ready.

By using a simple “Hey,” with a smile, you get the person’s attention AND ease your nervousness by starting with something so easy. Plus, smiling just makes you feel spectacular.

And before you object…NO it isn’t always necessary to start a conversation like this. But it can be a good tool to have in your conversation arsenal.
 

Getting Attention is a Two-For-One Technique

 

One other reason this is great– it puts you on the spot.

Here’s what I mean by that…

I was ignored often in the past. I’d start talking to someone in a tiny voice, without getting their attention. They wouldn’t respond, but I actually felt relieved.

 

I’d think, “Oh well, they didn’t hear me. At least I tried.”

Then I’d leave, happy I didn’t have to talk but upset I still wasn’t good at this conversation thing.

 

 

I've talked on mic and DJed for years. Getting attention is the biz. You need to do the same in conversations.

 

That’s not healthy!

 

By making sure you have someone’s attention, it gets you in the habit (and mindset) of having people acknowledge you.

It takes away the (false) excuse you’re not important enough to be listened to. It pushes you to learn how to start a conversation.

This may feel scary, but you’ll get there little by little. This technique will help.
 

Take Action

 

Next time you talk to someone, even a current friend or a family member, practice getting their attention first.

Even if you don’t think it’s necessary, at least you’ll develop the habit. Then it’ll feel natural when approaching someone new.

As a bonus, you’ll never have to compete for attention with a LOST TV marathon ever again. (not easy to do! Just ask my girlfriend…)

 

What about you?

 

Do you want to learn how to grab people’s attention positively so they enjoy talking to you…with everyone wondering how you do it?

While still being yourself?

And without having to memorize lines?

 

 

 

 

A little-known secret to create warmth and comfort when talking to strangers 

 

 

 

What do these have in common?

– Starting a new job
– Learning to drive with your dad
– Talking to a complete stranger

You’re nervous in each one, right? You question your abilities. You lack confidence. You feel anxious.

(Although you just rocked it once your dad was out of the car, right? Sorry, beside the point…)

Unfortunately, if you feel anxious talking to someone new, they will too. They’ll link that discomfort to you and want to run far, far away.

It’s SO frustrating to feel you’re turning people off; I would know.

 

The good news is there’s an easy way to switch their feelings of anxiety to feelings of warmth. In this post, I explain how to do this so people want more of you instead of running the heck away.

 

The Secret to Reducing Anxiety… A Blue Dress?

 

In a previous job, I reluctantly attended dinner meetings with groups of high-profile people from my community.

I remember my nervousness talking to a member of our chamber of commerce. She was polite, but her eyes darted around the room as we talked. I tried to act “normal,” but only worried more about what to say.

Then I noticed her dress. Lace ruffles twirled like a spiral staircase around the sparkling blue gown. Beautiful. I suddenly admired how well put-together she was.

I didn’t mention this admiration, but immediately my anxiety decreased.  She engaged more in the conversation and we chatted pleasantly for much of the meeting.

The blue dress didn’t improve my conversation; my change in focus did. This affected my mood, which in turn affected hers. I’ll explain this in a sec, but first…

 

What Every Nervous Talker Should Know About Mirror Neurons Right Now

 

So what’s the deal? How can our mood rub off on those around us?

Two words: Mirror Neurons.

These highly-developed cells in our brain allow us to feel what another person is feeling. What we’re talking about here is empathy.

For example, have you ever seen someone cut their hand deeply? Did you grab your own hand or “feel” that person’s pain?

This is mirror neurons at work.

Dr. Marco Iacoboni, a neuroscientist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who studies mirror neurons, explains it like this:

“When you see me perform an action – such as picking up a baseball – you automatically simulate the action in your own brain… And if you see me choke up, in emotional distress from striking out at home plate, mirror neurons in your brain simulate my distress. You automatically have empathy for me. You know how I feel because you literally feel what I am feeling.”

(from the New York Times article, Cells That Read Minds)

 

Your Anxiety Shows in Ways You Can’t Control

 

The same thing happens (on a more subtle level) when you anxiously talk to someone.

While nervous, your tone of voice might pitch higher or waver. Your facial expressions give you away and your posture suffers in ways you can’t consciously control.

As humans, we’re highly attuned to these non-verbal signals.

The other person subconsciously picks up these cues and mirror neurons zap into action. He begins to feel the discomfort you feel, even if he’s not sure why.

Bottom Line: People feel uncomfortable with you and don’t want to stick around.

Punks!

It’s ok though, here’s how you change that.

 

How to Change Your Focus and Change the Vibe

 

Stop thinking things like, “ok, I’ve got to be less nervous.” That just brings your anxiety to the front of your awareness and in turn, to theirs. If you want them to feel warmth toward you, you need to feel it first. The best way I’ve discovered to do this is by finding something you genuinely like about the person and focusing on that.

 

Examples of qualities to focus on:

 

Nicely dressed, great accessories Hair well groomed or done-up Pleasant personality – fun, laid-back, quirky Passionately speaking about a subject

During the dinner, I noticed how well dressed and together the chamber member seemed. I admired her sense of pride. This shift in focus subtly reflected in my body-language and tone of voice.

She sensed the warmth of that admiration (or rather her mirror neurons did).

So, think of it as silently complimenting the other person. If