Mike Fletcher by George Moore (ebook pc reader .txt) 📕

"Sit Down," He Said,  "Drink Something. You Need Not Be Afraid Of Me

Now--Do As You Like,  I Am Your Servant. I Will Ask Only One Thing Of

You--Forgiveness. If You Only Knew!"

"Don't Speak To Me!" She Gasped,  "Don't!"

"Forgive Me,  I Beseech You; I Love You Better Than All The World."

"Don't Touch Me! How Dare You? Oh! How Dare You?"

Mike Watched Her Quivering. He Saw She Was Sublime In Her Rage,  And

Torn With Desire And Regret He Continued His Pleadings. It Was Some

Time Before She Spoke.

"And It Was For This," She Said,  "I Left My Convent,  And It Was Of

Him I Used To Dream! Oh! How Bitter Is My Awakening!"

She Grasped One Of The Thin Columns Of The Bed And Her Attitude

Bespoke The Revulsion Of Feeling That Was Passing In Her Soul;

Beneath The Heavy Curtains She Stood Pale All Over,  Thrown By The

Shock Of Too Coarse A Reality. His Perception Of Her Innocence Was A

Goad To His Appetite,  And His Despair Augmented At Losing Her. Now,

As Died The Fulgurant Rage That Had Supported Her,  And Her Normal

Strength Being Exhausted,  A Sudden Weakness Intervened,  And She

Couldn't But Allow Mike To Lead Her To A Seat.

"I Am Sorry; Words Cannot Tell You How Sorry I Am. Why Do You Tremble

So? You Are Not Going To Faint,  Say--Drink Something." Hastily He

Poured Out Some Wine And Held It To Her Lips. "I Never Was Sorry

Before; Now I Know What Sorrow Is--I Am Sorry,  Lily. I Am Not Ashamed

Of My Tears; Look At Them,  And Strive To Understand. I Never Loved

Till I Saw You. Ah! That Lily Face,  When I Saw It Beneath The White

Veil,  Love Leaped Into My Soul. Then I Hated Religion,  And I Longed

To Scale The Sky To Dispossess Heaven Of That Which I Held The One

Sacred And Desirable Thing--You! My Soul! I Would Have Given It To

Burn For Ten Thousand Years For One Kiss,  One Touch Of These

Snow-Coloured Hands. When I Saw,  Or Thought I Saw,  That You Loved Me,

I Was God. I Said On Reading Your Sweet Letter,  'My Life Shall Not

Pass Without Kissing At Least Once The Lips Of My Chimera.'"

Words And Images Rose In His Mind Without Sensation Or Effort,  And

Experiencing The Giddiness And Exultation Of The Orator,  He Strove To

Win Her With Eloquence. And All His Magnetism Was In His Hands And

Eyes--Deep Blue Eyes Full Of Fire And Light Were Fixed Upon

Her--Hands,  Soft Yet Powerful Hands Held Hers,  Sometimes Were

Clenched On Hers,  And A Voice Which Seemed His Soul Rose And Fell,

Striving To Sting Her With Passionate Sound; But She Remained

Absorbed In,  And Could Not Be Drawn Out Of,  Angry Thought.

"Now You Are With Me," He Said,  "Nearly Mine; Here I See You Like A

Picture That Is Mine. Around Us Is Mighty London. I Saved You From

God,  Am I To Lose You To Man? This Was The Prospect That Faced Me,

That Faces Me,  That Drove Me Mad. All I Did Was To Attempt To Make

You Mine. I Hold You By So Little--I Could Not Bear The Thought That

You Might Pass From Me. A Ship Sails Away,  Growing Indistinct,  And

Then Disappears In The Shadows; In London A Cab Rattles,  Appears And

Disappears Behind Other Cabs,  Turns A Corner,  And Is Lost For Ever. I

Failed,  But Had I Succeeded You Would Have Come Back To Me; I Failed,

Is Not That Punishment Enough? You Will Go From Me; I Shall Not Get

You--That Is Sorrow Enough For Me; Do Not Refuse Me Forgiveness. Ah!

If You Knew What It Is To Have Sought Love Passionately,  The High

Hopes Entertained,  And Then The Depth Of Every Deception,  And Now

The Supreme Grief Of Finding Love And Losing. Seeing Love Leave Me

Without Leaving One Flying Feather For Token,  I Strove To Pluck

One--That Is My Crime. Go,  Since You Must Go,  But Do Not Go

Unforgiving,  Lest Perhaps You Might Regret."

Lily Did Not Cry. Her Indignation Was Vented In Broken Phrases,  The

Meaning Of Which She Did Not Seem To Realize,  And So Jarred And

Shaken Were Her Nerves That Without Being Aware Of It Her Talk

Branched Into Observations On Her Mother,  Her Home Life,  The Convent,

And The Disappointments Of Childhood. So Incoherently Did She Speak

That For A Moment Mike Feared Her Brain Was Affected,  And His Efforts

To Lead Her To Speak Of The Present Were Fruitless. But Suddenly,

Waxing Calm,  Her Inner Nature Shining Through The Eyes Like Light

Through Porcelain,  She Said--

"I Was Wrong To Come Here,  But I Imagined Men Different. We Know So

Little Of The World In The Convent.... Ah,  I Should Have Stayed

There. It May Be But A Poor Delusion,  But It Is Better Than Such

Wickedness."

"But I Love You."

"Love Me! ... You Say You Have Sought Love; We Find Love In

Contemplation And Desire Of Higher Things. I Am Wanting In

Experience,  But I Know That Love Lives In Thought,  And Not In Violent

Passion; I Know That A Look From The Loved One On Entering A Room,

A Touch Of A Hand At Most Will Suffice,  And I Should Have Been

Satisfied To Have Seen Your Windows,  And I Should Have Gone Away,  My

Heart Stored With Impressions Of You,  And I Should Have Been Happy

For Weeks In The Secret Possession Of Such Memories. So I Have Always

Understood Love; So We Understood Love In The Convent."

They Were Standing Face To Face In The Faint Twilight And Scent Of

The Bedroom. Through The Gauze Blind The River Floated Past,

Decorative And Grand; The Great Hay-Boats Rose Above The Wharfs And

Steamers; One Lay In The Sun's Silver Casting A Black Shadow; A Barge

Rowed By One Man Drifted Round And Round In The Tide.

"When I Knelt In The Choir I Lifted My Heart To The Saint I Loved.

How Far Was He From Me? Millions Of Miles!--And Yet He Was Very Near.

I Dreamed Of Meeting Him In Heaven,  Of Seeing Him Come Robed In White

With A Palm In His Hand,  And Then In A Little Darkness And Dimness I

Felt Him Take Me To His Breast. I Loved To Read Of The Miracles He

Performed,  And One Night I Dreamed I Saw Him In My Cell--Or Was It

You?"

All Anger Was Gone From Her Face,  And It Reflected The Play Of Her

Fancy. "I Used To Pray To You To Come Down And Speak To Me."

"And Now," Said Mike,  Smiling,  "Now That I Have Come To You,  Now That

I Call You,  Now That I Hold My Arms To You--You The Bride-Elect--Now

That The Hour Has Come,  Shall I Not Possess You?"

"Do You Think You Can Gain Love By Clasping Me To Your Bosom? My

Love,  Though Separated From Me By A Million Miles,  Is Nearer To Me

Than Yours Has Ever Been."

"Did You Not Speak Of Me As The Lover Of Your Prayer,  And You Said

That In Ecstasy The Nuns--And Indeed It Must Be So--Exchange A

Gibbeted Saint For Some Ideal Man? Give Yourself; Make This Afternoon

Memorable."

"No; Good-Bye! Remember Your Promises. Come; I Am Going."

"I Must Not Lose You," He Cried,  Drunk With Her Beauty And Doubly

Drunk With Her Sensuous Idealism. "May I Not Even Kiss You?"

"Well,  If You Like--Once,  Just Here," She Said,  Pointing Where White

Melted To Faint Rose.

Mastered,  He Followed Her Down The Long Stairs; But When They Passed

Into The Open Air He Felt He Had Lost Her Irrevocably. The River Was

Now Tinted With Setting Light,  The Balustrade Of Waterloo Bridge

Showed Like Lace-Work,  The Glass Roofing Of Charing Cross Station Was

Golden,  And Each Spire Distinct Upon The Moveless Blue. The Splashing

Of A Steamer Sounded Strange Upon His Ears. The "Citizen" Passed! She

Was Crowded With Human Beings,  All Apparently Alike. Then The Eye

Separated Them. An Old Lady Making Her Way Down The Deck,  A Young Man

In Gray Clothes,  A Red Soldier Leaning Over The Rail,  The Captain

Walking On The Bridge.

Mike Called A Hansom; A Few Seconds More And She Would Pass From Him

Into London. He Saw The Horse's Hooves,  Saw The Cab Appear And

Disappear Behind Other Cabs; It Turned A Corner,  And She Was Gone.

Seven Hours Had Elapsed Since He Had Parted From Lily Young,  And

These Seven Hours He Had Spent In Restaurants And Music-Halls,

Seeking In Dissipation Surcease Of Sorrow And Disappointment. He Had

Dined At Lubi's,  And Had Gone On With Lord Muchross And Lord Snowdown

To The Royal,  And They Had Returned In Many Hansoms And With Many

Courtesans To Drink At Lubi's. But His Heart Was Not In Gaiety,  And

Feeling He Could Neither Break A Hat Joyously Nor Allow His Own To Be

Broken Good-Humouredly,  Nor Even Sympathize With Dicky,  The Driver,

Who Had Not Been Sober Since Monday,  He Turned And Left The Place.

"This Is Why Fellows Marry," He Said,  When He Returned Home,  And Sat

Smoking In The Shadows--He Had Lighted Only One Lamp--Depressed By

The Loneliness Of The Apartment. And More Than An Hour Passed Before

He Heard Frank's Steps. Frank Was In Evening Dress; He Opened His

Cigarette-Case,  Lighted A Cigarette,  And Sat Down Willing To Be

Amused. Mike Told Him The Entire Story With Gestures And Descriptive

Touches; On The Right Was The Bed With Its Curtains Hanging Superbly,

On The Left The Great Hay-Boats Filling The Window; And By Insisting

On The Cruelest Aspects,  He Succeeded In Rendering It Almost

Unbearable. But Frank Had Dined Well,  And As Lizzie Had Promised

To Come To Breakfast He Was In Excellent Humour,  And On The Whole

Relished The Tale. He Was Duly Impressed And Interested By The

Subtlety Of The Fancy Which Made Lily Tell How She Used To Identify

Her Ideal Lover While Praying To Him,  Him With The Human Ideal Which

Had Led Her From The Cloister,  And Which She Had Come To Seek In The

World. He Was Especially Struck With,  And He Admired The Conclusion

Of,  The Story,  For Mike Had Invented A Dramatic And Effective Ending.