Swallowed Whole by Juniper Lee (book club books .TXT) 📕

The darkness rips it all away. My thoughts, my memories, my courage: torn from my depths, leaving only shards and strands for evidence that they were ever there at all.

I can't hear myself breathing. I know I must be, somehow, because I am aware. I don't feel. I can't think. But I know that I am.

Focus. How did you get here? Where are you? Who are you?

Each question just leads to another, but soon all have slipped from my grasp and I am back to just being aware.

The murky lightlessness claws at my soul, lacerating my hopes and dreams. It surrounds me on all sides. Closer, closer, inching slowly, crawling all over me. It affixes to my skin. This parasitic blackness that is draining whatever is left of me.

I begin to feel. I can not force any movement from my body, but inside me there is a searing coldness. It builds, crystallizing what’s left of me. I hear a groan and a scream from far away.

Me?

The penetrating cold has reached my heart. Agony overwhelms me. I hear more distant sounds: a gasp for breath, a bubbling gurgle, then nothing.

Is the pain over?

No. The freezing begins again, finding every gap, filling every hole with ice. I can only wait for it to get worse, because I know it will. How can I stop the cold from reaching my brain? I can't.

The iciness intensifies as it races upwards. I can't feel the cold that has swallowed the rest of my body. The torture of a frigid monster swallowing my brain is too much. I hear myself scream again, louder this time, but still far away, as if I've been detached from myself. I know only a fraction of a second remains before I'm completely immersed in this frozen prison.

A flash and I'm gone, out of the pain for a moment. I see myself as I stand before my brother. I see the tears in my eyes. I see myself pull the trigger. And I'm seeing it all again, because now I remember. A dozen similar scenes swim before my eyes. The same tears and the same death. I remember why I am doing this. I am a murder weapon.

But it wasn't your fault. You were under their control. Literally their robot. What could you have done?

I know it all, even as I tell myself again. The guilt was to much to bear. Selfish? Maybe. The right thing to do? Definitely.

With another flash, I'm back to the excruciating cold, but only for a split second, because then it consumes me.

______________________________________________

“Captain, you’re not going to want to hear this.”
“What is it!? Just spit it out.”
“He figured out a way to do it finally. He shut himself down from the inside.”
“Amazing. I didn’t think he would ever actually do it. Well, you know what to do.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Report back here immediately when you finish. Our best assassin can’t come back from the dead without a big welcome from his boss.”
“Yes, sir!”

Text: Juniper Lee
Publication Date: 07-29-2012

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