Records Of A Girlhood Volume 1 (1 Of 2) by Frances Ann Kemble (best e reader for android .txt) π
A Collection Of My Own Letters, Written During A Period Of Forty Years,
And Amounting To Thousands--A History Of My Life.
The Passion For Universal History (_I.E._ Any And Every Body's Story)
Nowadays Seems To Render Any Thing In The Shape Of Personal
Recollections Good Enough To Be Printed And Read; And As The Public
Appetite For Gossip Appears To Be Insatiable, And Is Not Unlikely Some
Time Or Other To Be Gratified At My Expense, I Have Thought That My Own
Gossip About Myself May Be As Acceptable To It As Gossip About Me
Written By Another.
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- Author: Frances Ann Kemble
Read book online Β«Records Of A Girlhood Volume 1 (1 Of 2) by Frances Ann Kemble (best e reader for android .txt) πΒ». Author - Frances Ann Kemble
Screened My Eyes From It, My Mother Said, "Heaven Smiles On You, My
Child." My Poor Mother Went To Her Dressing-Room To Get Herself Ready,
And Did Not Return To Me For Fear Of Increasing My Agitation By Her Own.
My Dear Aunt Dall And My Maid And The Theater Dresser Performed My
Toilet For Me, And At Length I Was Placed In A Chair, With My Satin
Train Carefully Laid Over The Back Of It; And There I Sat, Ready For
Execution, With The Palms Of My Hands Pressed Convulsively Together, And
The Tears I In Vain Endeavored To Repress Welling Up Into My Eyes And
Brimming Slowly Over, Down My Rouged Cheeks--Upon Which My Aunt, With A
Smile Full Of Pity, Renewed The Color As Often As These Heavy Drops Made
Unsightly Streaks In It. Once And Again My Father Came To The Door, And
I Heard His Anxious "How Is She?" To Which My Aunt Answered, Sending Him
Away With Words Of Comforting Cheer. At Last, "Miss Kemble Called For
The Stage, Ma'am!" Accompanied With A Brisk Tap At The Door, Started Me
Upright On My Feet, And I Was Led Round To The Side Scene Opposite To
The One From Which I Saw My Mother Advance On The Stage; And While The
Uproar Of Her Reception Filled Me With Terror, Dear Old Mrs. Davenport,
My Nurse, And Dear Mr. Keely, Her Peter, And Half The _Dramatis Personæ_
Of The Play (But Not My Father, Who Had Retreated, Quite Unable To
Endure The Scene) Stood Round Me As I Lay, All But Insensible, In My
Aunt's Arms. "Courage, Courage, Dear Child! Poor Thing, Poor Thing!"
Reiterated Mrs. Davenport. "Never Mind 'Em, Miss Kemble!" Urged Keely,
In That Irresistibly Comical, Nervous, Lachrymose Voice Of His, Which I
Have Never Since Heard Without A Thrill Of Anything But Comical
Association; "Never Mind 'Em! Don't Think Of 'Em, Any More Than If They
Were So Many Rows Of Cabbages!" "Nurse!" Called My Mother, And On
Waddled Mrs. Davenport, And, Turning Back, Called In Her Turn, "Juliet!"
My Aunt Gave Me An Impulse Forward, And I Ran Straight Across The Stage,
Stunned With The Tremendous Shout That Greeted Me, My Eyes Covered With
Mist, And The Green Baize Flooring Of The Stage Feeling As If It Rose Up
Against My Feet; But I Got Hold Of My Mother, And Stood Like A Terrified
Creature At Bay, Confronting The Huge Theater Full Of Gazing Human
Beings. I Do Not Think A Word I Uttered During This Scene Could Have
Been Audible; In The Next, The Ball-Room, I Began To Forget Myself; In
The Following One, The Balcony Scene, I Had Done So, And, For Aught I
Knew, I Was Juliet; The Passion I Was Uttering Sending Hot Waves Of
Blushes All Over My Neck And Shoulders, While The Poetry Sounded Like
Music To Me As I Spoke It, With No Consciousness Of Anything Before Me,
Utterly Transported Into The Imaginary Existence Of The Play. After
This, I Did Not Return Into Myself Till All Was Over, And Amid A
Tumultuous Storm Of Applause, Congratulation, Tears, Embraces, And A
General Joyous Explosion Of Unutterable Relief At The Fortunate
Termination Of My Attempt, We Went Home. And So My Life Was Determined,
And I Devoted Myself To An Avocation Which I Never Liked Or Honored, And
About The Very Nature Of Which I Have Never Been Able To Come To Any
Decided Opinion. It Is In Vain That The Undoubted Specific Gifts Of
Great Actors And Actresses Suggest That All Gifts Are Given For Rightful
Exercise, And Not Suppression; In Vain That Shakespeare's Plays Urge
Their Imperative Claim To The Most Perfect Illustration They Can Receive
From Histrionic Interpretation: A _Business_ Which Is Incessant
Excitement And Factitious Emotion Seems To Me Unworthy Of A Man; A
Business Which Is Public Exhibition, Unworthy Of A Woman.
At Four Different Periods Of My Life I Have Been Constrained By
Volume 1 Chapter 12 Pg 29Circumstances To Maintain Myself By The Exercise Of My Dramatic Faculty;
Latterly, It Is True, In A Less Painful And Distasteful Manner, By
Reading, Instead Of Acting. But Though I Have Never, I Trust, Been
Ungrateful For The Power Of Thus Helping Myself And Others, Or Forgetful
Of The Obligation I Was Under To Do My Appointed Work Conscientiously In
Every Respect, Or Unmindful Of The Precious Good Regard Of So Many Kind
Hearts That It Has Won For Me; Though I Have Never Lost One Iota Of My
Own Intense Delight In The Act Of Rendering Shakespeare's Creations; Yet
Neither Have I Ever Presented Myself Before An Audience Without A
Shrinking Feeling Of Reluctance, Or Withdrawn From Their Presence
Without Thinking The Excitement I Had Undergone Unhealthy, And The
Personal Exhibition Odious.
Nevertheless, I Sat Me Down To Supper That Night With My Poor, Rejoicing
Parents Well Content, God Knows! With The Issue Of My Trial; And Still
Better Pleased With A Lovely Little Geneva Watch, The First I Had Ever
Possessed, All Encrusted With Gold Work And Jewels, Which My Father Laid
By My Plate And I Immediately Christened Romeo, And Went, A Blissful
Girl, To Sleep With It Under My Pillow.
BUCKINGHAM GATE, JAMES STREET, December 14th.
DEAREST ----,
I Received Your Letter This Morning, Before I Was Out Of My Room,
And Very Glad I Was To Get It. You Would Have Heard From Me Again
Ere This, Had It Not Been That, In Your Present Anxious State Of
Mind Respecting Your Brother, I Did Not Like To Demand Your
Attention For My Proceedings. My Trial Is Over, And, Thank Heaven!
Most Fortunately. Our Most Sanguine Wishes Could Hardly Have Gone
Beyond The Result, And At The Same Time That I Hail My Success As A
Source Of Great Happiness To My Dear Father And Mother, I Almost
Venture To Hope That The Interest Which Has Been Excited In The
Public May Tend To Revive Once More The Decaying Dramatic Art. You
Say It Is A Very Fascinating Occupation; Perhaps It Is, Though It
Does Not Appear To Me So, And I Think It Carries With It Drawbacks
Enough To Operate As An Antidote To The Vanity And Love Of
Admiration Which It Can Hardly Fail To Foster. The Mere Embodying
Of The Exquisite Ideals Of Poetry Is A Great Enjoyment, But After
That, Or Rather _For_ That, Comes In Ours, As In All Arts, The
Mechanical Process, The Labor, The Refining, The Controlling The
Very Feeling One Has, In Order To Manifest It In The Best Way To
The Perception Of Others; And When All, That Intense Feeling And
Careful Work Can Accomplish, Is Done, An Actor Must Often See Those
Points Of His Performance Which Are Most Worthy Of Approbation
Overlooked, And Others, Perhaps Crude In Taste Or Less True In
Feeling, Commended; Which Must Tend Much, I Think, To Sober The
Mind As To The Value Of Applause. Above All, The Constant
Consciousness Of The Immeasurable Distance Between A Fine
Conception And The Best Execution Of It, Must In Acting, As In All
Art, Be A Powerful Check To Vanity And Self-Satisfaction.
As To The Mere Excitement Proceeding From The Public Applause Of A
Theater, I Am Sure You Will Believe Me When I Say I Do Not Think I
Shall Ever Experience It. But Should I Reckon Too Much Upon My
Volume 1 Chapter 12 Pg 30Steadiness, I Have The Incessant Care And Watchfulness Of My Dear
Mother To Rely On, And I Do Rely On It As An Invaluable Safeguard,
Both To The Purity And Good Taste Of All That I May Do On The
Stage, And The Quiet And Soberness Of My Mind Under All This New
Excitement. She Has Borne All Her Anxieties Wonderfully Well, And I
Now Hope She Will Reap Some Repayment For Them. My Dear Father Is
Very Happy; Indeed, We Have All Cause For Heartfelt Thankfulness
When We Think What A Light Has Dawned Upon Our Prospects, Lately So
Dismal And Overcast. My Own Motto In All This Must Be, As Far As
Possible, "Beget A Temperance In All Things." I Trust I Shall Be
Enabled To Rule Myself By It, And In The Firm Hope That My Endeavor
To Do What Is Right Will Be Favored And Assisted, I Have Committed
Myself, Nothing Doubting, To The Stormy Sea Of Life. Dearest H----,
The Papers Will Give You A Detailed Account Of My _DΓ©but_; I Only
Wish To Assure You That I Have Not Embraced This Course Without Due
Dread Of Its Dangers, And A Firm Determination To Watch, As Far As
In Me Lies, Over Its Effect Upon My Mind. It Is, After All, But
Lately, You Know, That I Have Become Convinced That Fame And
Gratified Ambition Are Not The Worthiest Aims For One's Exertions.
With Affectionate Love, Believe Me Ever Your Fondly Attached
FANNY.
I Most Sincerely Hope That Your Brother's Health Is Improving, And
If We Do Not Meet Sooner, I Shall Now Look Forward To Dublin As Our
_Point De RΓ©union_; That Will Not Be The Least Of The Obligations I
Shall Owe This Happy Turn Of Affairs.
I Do Not Know Whence I Derived The Deep Impression I Expressed In This
Letter Of The Moral Dangers Of The Life Upon Which I Was Entering;
Certainly Not From My Parents, To Whom, Of Course, The Idea That Actors
And Actresses Could Not Be Respectable People Naturally Did Not Occur,
And Who Were Not Troubled, I Am Sure, As I Then Was, With A Perception
Of The More Subtle Evils Of Their Calling. I Had Never Heard The Nature
Of It Discussed, And Was Absolutely Without Experience Of It, But The
Vapid Vacuity Of The Last Years Of My Aunt Siddons's Life Had Made A
Profound Impression Upon Me,--Her Apparent Deadness And Indifference To
Everything, Which I Attributed (Unjustly, Perhaps) Less To Her Advanced
Age And Impaired Powers Than To What I Supposed The Withering And Drying
Influence Of The Overstimulating Atmosphere Of Emotion, Excitement, And
Admiration In Which She Had Passed Her Life; Certain It Is That Such Was
My Dread Of The Effect Of My Profession Upon Me, That I Added An Earnest
Petition To My Daily Prayers That I Might Be Defended From The Evil
Influence I Feared It
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