The Diagnosis by Leslie David Riddick (best self help books to read txt) 📕

MS has begun. We now have to measure, the progression to determine my physical capabilities and determine what treatment I should start on. I now have to take MRI's 3 times a year. I have to submit to a spinal tap to see how progressive the MS is in my spinal cord. She said I have been raised from a "Relapsing Remitting MS" to a "Progressive Relapsing" case. My MRI I have to take will determine the progression rate. GET THIS, The goal is to slow down the progression until they find a cure. It's a race to my incapacity against medical science finding a cure for MS. She says I have very good chance because I'm just starting out. As long as the progression can be slowed down ( NOT STOPPED), but slowed down, then I have a fighting chance in beating the bedridden side of MS.
You see, it goes in stages. First, imbalance. Second, using a cane. Third, in a wheel chair. Fourth is bedridden. That is what I am facing. The question is how long I can prolong all the stages from occurring. CRAP! That is totally not cool with me. I must confess, leaving the Doctor office today is the 1st time I cried from going to the Doctor. It hasn't happened like that since I was diagnosed. I'm good though. Not happy with what I was told, but I expected it. Just not now. Because there's more.


PNEUMONIA

What landed me in the hospital 2 years ago was a combination of depression, stress, a very low immune system, some drinking, smoking and hiccups. YES hiccups. This all happened gradually. I was diagnosed with MS in December 2004. The Pneumonia hit me in March 2005. How? You ask. Well, I had just finished a rough week at work. My attention span was null and void because I had my mind elsewhere. it was Friday and I was at home. I had a little drink like some of us do after a rough week at work. Later that night I developed a nasty case of the hiccups. It was so bad; I couldn't even sleep for 30 minutes before I was up again. These hiccups lasted 3 days. I tried everything to get rid of them. I drank water, held my breath, breathed in a paper bag, even stood on my head. Nothing worked. I was also feeling very exhausted. I couldn't even go to the bathroom without feeling like I just ran 10 miles. That's when things started worrying me.
After not getting ANY sleep the 3rd night I decided I had to get rid of these hiccups by going to the hospital and letting them look into it. It was 5:30am and I drove myself to the emergency room. I went to triage and had to wait about an hour. By the time the nurse saw me she took my temperature and then snapped a clip on my finger ( used to check your pulse Oxygen level) after a few seconds the nurse jumped up took the clip and blood pressure kit off of me, ran and got a wheelchair and rushed me into the emergency room. I had no idea what was going on, I just came in for the hiccups.
There were 4 doctors that came to see about me and I'm still wondering what's going on? They put me on Oxygen and took x-rays. The doctors then told me I had pneumonia and that I was going to be admitted to intensive Care Unit (ICU). It still never dawned on me I was as sick as I was. I laid there and I thought I better let someone know where I was and to call the job and tell them I wouldn't be in. I got off the cart and went to the phone and called my sister. I calmly told her I came to the hospital about the hiccups and they were keeping me and admitting me to ICU.
My sister later told me I explained like it wasn't a serious thing. Today my sister would tell you I talked to her like I was asking her “How she's doing?” I didn't sound worried about it. After wards my sister told me she had to take a double take on what I said to her. I was being admitted to ICU for pneumonia.
I told my sister to call work and let the dispatcher know I wouldn't be in. The doctor interrupted my call and told me to get off the phone and get back on the oxygen. I got admitted later that day and that's when I found my pulse Oxygen level was very low. It dipped into the high 70's. I didn't know till later the body has to maintain an Oxygen level of 90 and above.
The hiccups caused not enough Oxygen to enter my body and since it was in bad shape anyway, I developed the worst kind of pneumonia. Bacteria settled into both lungs and it was literally killing me. That's when I started having to wear an Oxygen mask for 5 days 24 hours a day, and I found out I had to stay awake in order to keep my breathing rhythm at a certain level or else I wouldn't make it. I literally had to teach my body how to breathe in and out. I had so much medication pumped into me and blood taken every 4 hours. I wasn’t far away from them having to put a tube down my throat to keep me alive. The most amazing thing was I didn't realize how serious this all was until my 3rd day in the hospital.



PANIC

I was in the ICU and it was the 3rd night I was there. I had an O2 mask on and I had to stay up all night regulating my breathing. I was supposed to breathe in and out with consistency and the only way to do that was for me to stay awake. I was supposed to maintain a pulse Ox level of 90 and above. If it slipped lower I would have either a tube put down my throat to help me breath or I would die due to lack of Oxygen in my body. I was already into my 48th hour of no more than an hour sleep.
As the evening progressed a couple of nurses came in to take blood and do vitals. I guess they thought I was incoherent and couldn't hear them. I heard one of them say "He's not going to make it through the night." The other said "yeah I know it's a shame". It was the first time since I been there that I actually realized how serious my situation was. I really became scared and I really thought I was going to die. I think with all the drugs and no sleep, I was starting to think these people wanted me to die, and I refused to let that happen.
I started trying to pay attention to every conversation that took place outside of my room. My mind really started to mess with me and all I could think about was getting the heck out of there. If I was going to die, it wasn't going to be because they killed me. I know now that my mind was probably out of whack, but at that time I didn't think I had a chance. Well, it was 1:00am and I said if I'm not going to make it, I need to talk to someone. I sat up on the side of the bed. Strapped with multiple IV's, monitors and an Oxygen mask and started to flag down a nurse outside of my room. She was the charge nurse and I told her I wanted to talk to my sister. Now folks that work in Hospitals know there aren’t any phones in an ICU room. Well I put up such a fuss that the nurse brought a phone into the room and she dialed my sister’s number for me. I talked to her (probably scaring her to death) and told her they think I'm not going to make it till the morning and I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I want you to make sure the girls (my daughters are taken care of). My sister just told me OK and asked me why I think that I'm going to die? I told her the events that happened and my sister said "OK, let me talk to the nurse" We said I love you and then I gave the phone to the nurse. All I could hear the nurse say was that I've had a rough 2 days with no sleep and that I was still in a critical state. I didn't know what happened until later. Anyway, the doctor came in and said I need to get some rest. I took my mask off and said "you've told me I had to stay awake" He said your breathing is still a problem and when you wake up, there is a possibility I'll have a tube down my throat to help me breath. I asked him will I die. I told him I always need the truth and that I could handle it. The Doctor said “Yes” it is a possibility, but he was optimistic that I would be OK. So the nurses came in and pushed some medication into my IV.
I fought going to sleep for about 3 hours. I tried watching TV, talking to myself, anything not to make me go to sleep because I thought I would never wake up. When you think realistically of your own death, it can really mess with you. The nurse came in again and gave me another dose and told me I need to relax. I still fought.
Finally the drugs kicked in and I couldn't fight any more. I said a prayer asking God to look out for the people I love and that I'm ready for Him to take me. I then went to sleep.



Is It All Over?

I thought it was my time to go. I closed my eyes wondering if they will ever open again. In my sleep I saw a white luminescent stairway. I went toward the stairway, but as I got closer, it went further away from me. I actually thought it was my path to God and I wasn't going to be afraid to go up them. I started thinking maybe I'm not worthy of going up and He wanted me to stay in this empty room I was in until He felt I was ready to meet Him.
I decided to relax and just started talking. I talked about how I wished things were done differently in my life, and how much I loved my daughters and that I hope God looks after them. I thanked Him for the gift of life He's given me and that I would love to meet up with my dad and his dad because God knows how much I miss talking with them. I also told Him I hope He is pleased with the people I have touched throughout my life, and for the most part tried to be the type of man He would be proud of. I know I've made many mistakes along the way in my life, but I never shunned God. I hope He was happy that I reentered my commitment to Him