Travels Through France And Italy by Tobias Smollett (fastest ebook reader .txt) 📕

Other Side. If I Had Been Resolved To Set Out Immediately For The

South, Perhaps I Should Have Taken His Advice. If I Had Retained

Him At The Rate Of Twenty Guineas Per Month, Which Was The Price

He Demanded, And Begun My Journey Without Hesitation, I Should

Travel More Agreeably Than I Can Expect To Do In The Carriages Of

This  Country; And The Difference Of The Expence Would Be A Mere

Trifle. I Would Advise Every Man Who Travels Through France To

Bring His Own Vehicle Along With Him, Or At Least To Purchase One

At Calais Or Boulogne, Where Second-Hand Berlins And Chaises May

Be Generally Had At Reasonable Rates. I Have Been Offered A Very

Good Berlin For Thirty Guineas: But Before I Make The Purchase, I

Must Be Better Informed Touching The Different Methods Of

Travelling In This Country.

Dover Is Commonly Termed A Den Of Thieves; And I Am Afraid It Is

Not Altogether Without Reason, It Has Acquired This Appellation.

The People Are Said To Live By Piracy In Time Of War; And By

Smuggling And Fleecing Strangers In Time Of Peace: But I Will Do

Them The Justice To Say, They Make No Distinction Between

Foreigners And Natives. Without All Doubt A Man Cannot Be Much

Worse Lodged And Worse Treated In Any Part Of Europe; Nor Will He

In Any Other Place Meet With More Flagrant Instances Of Fraud,

Imposition, And Brutality. One Would Imagine They Had Formed A

General Conspiracy Against All Those Who Either Go To, Or Return

From The Continent. About Five Years Ago, In My Passage From

Flushing To Dover, The Master Of The Packet-Boat Brought-To All

Of A Sudden Off The South Foreland, Although The Wind Was As

Favourable As It Could Blow. He Was Immediately Boarded By A

Customhouse Boat, The Officer Of Which Appeared To Be His Friend.

He Then Gave The Passengers To Understand, That As It Was Low

Water, The Ship Could Not Go Into The Harbour; But That The Boat

Would Carry Them Ashore With Their Baggage.

The Custom-House Officer Demanded A Guinea For This Service, And

The Bargain Was Made. Before We Quitted The Ship, We Were Obliged

To Gratify The Cabin-Boy For His Attendance, And To Give Drink-Money

To The Sailors. The Boat Was Run Aground On The Open Beach;

But We Could Not Get Ashore Without The Assistance Of Three Or

Four Fellows, Who Insisted Upon Being Paid For Their Trouble.

Every Parcel And Bundle, As It Was Landed, Was Snatched Up By A

Separate Porter: One Ran Away With A Hat-Box, Another With A Wig-Box,

A Third With A Couple Of Shirts Tied Up In A Handkerchief,

And Two Were Employed In Carrying A Small Portmanteau That Did

Not Weigh Forty Pounds. All Our Things Were Hurried To The

Custom-House To Be Searched, And The Searcher Was Paid For

Disordering Our Cloaths: From Thence They Were Removed To The

Inn, Where The Porters Demanded Half-A-Crown Each For Their

Labour. It Was In Vain To Expostulate; They Surrounded The House

Like A Pack Of Hungry Bounds, And Raised Such A Clamour, That We

Were Fain To Comply. After We Had Undergone All This Imposition,

We Were Visited By The Master Of The Packet, Who, Having Taken

Our Fares, And Wished Us Joy Of Our Happy Arrival In England,

Expressed His Hope That We Would Remember The Poor Master, Whose

Wages Were Very Small, And Who Chiefly Depended Upon The

Generosity Of The Passengers. I Own I Was Shocked At His

Meanness, And Could Not Help Telling Him So. I Told Him, I Could

Not Conceive What Title He Had To Any Such Gratification: He Had

Sixteen Passengers, Who Paid A Guinea Each, On The Supposition

That Every Person Should Have A Bed; But There Were No More Than

Eight Beds In The Cabin, And Each Of These Was Occupied Before I

Came On Board; So That If We Had Been Detained At Sea A Whole

Week By Contrary Winds And Bad Weather, One Half Of The

Passengers Must Have Slept Upon The Boards, Howsoever Their

Health Might Have Suffered From This Want Of Accommodation.

Notwithstanding This Check, He Was So Very Abject And

Importunate, That We Gave Him A Crown A-Piece, And He Retired.

The First Thing I Did When I Arrived At Dover This Last Time, Was

To Send For The Master Of A Packet-Boat, And Agree With Him To

Carry Us To Boulogne At Once, By Which Means I Saved The Expence

Of Travelling By Land From Calais To This Last Place, A Journey

Of Four-And-Twenty Miles. The Hire Of A Vessel From Dover To

Boulogne Is Precisely The Same As From Dover To Calais, Five

Guineas; But This Skipper Demanded Eight, And, As I Did Not Know

The Fare, I Agreed To Give Him Six. We Embarked Between Six And

Seven In The Evening, And Found Ourselves In A Most Wretched

Hovel, On Board What Is Called A Folkstone Cutter. The Cabin Was

So Small That A Dog Could Hardly Turn In It, And The Beds Put Me

In Mind Of The Holes Described In Some Catacombs, In Which The

Bodies Of The Dead Were Deposited, Being Thrust In With The Feet

Foremost; There Was No Getting Into Them But End-Ways, And Indeed

They Seemed So Dirty, That Nothing But Extreme Necessity Could 

Have Obliged Me To Use Them. We Sat Up All Night In A Most

Uncomfortable Situation, Tossed About By The Sea, Cold, Arid

Cramped And Weary, And Languishing For Want Of Sleep. At Three In

The Morning The Master Came Down, And Told Us We Were Just Off

The Harbour Of Boulogne; But The Wind Blowing Off Shore, He Could

Not Possibly Enter, And Therefore Advised Us To Go Ashore In The

Boat. I Went Upon Deck To View The Coast, When He Pointed To The

Place Where He Said Boulogne Stood, Declaring At The Same Time We

Were Within A Short Mile Of The Harbour's Mouth. The Morning Was

Cold And Raw, And I Knew Myself Extremely Subject To Catch Cold;

Nevertheless We Were All So Impatient To Be Ashore, That I

Resolved To Take His Advice. The Boat Was Already Hoisted Out,

And We Went On Board Of It, After I Had Paid The Captain And

Gratified His Crew. We Had Scarce Parted From The Ship, When We

Perceived A Boat Coming Towards Us From The Shore; And The Master

Gave Us To Understand, It Was Coming To Carry Us Into The

Harbour. When I Objected To The Trouble Of Shifting From One Boat

To Another In The Open Sea, Which (By The Bye) Was A Little

Rough; He Said It Was A Privilege Which The Watermen Of Boulogne

Had, To Carry All Passengers Ashore, And That This Privilege He

Durst Not Venture To Infringe. This Was No Time Nor Place To

Remonstrate. The French Boat Came Alongside Half Filled With

Water, And We Were Handed From The One To The Other. We Were Then

Obliged To Lie Upon Our Oars, Till The Captain's Boat Went On

Board And Returned From The Ship With A Packet Of Letters. We

Were Afterwards Rowed A Long League, In A Rough Sea, Against Wind

And Tide, Before We Reached The Harbour, Where We Landed,

Benumbed With Cold, And The Women Excessively Sick: From Our

Landing-Place We Were Obliged To Walk Very Near A Mile To The Inn

Where We Purposed To Lodge, Attended By Six Or Seven Men And

Women, Bare-Legged, Carrying Our Baggage. This Boat Cost Me A

Guinea, Besides Paying Exorbitantly The People Who Carried Our

Things; So That The Inhabitants Of Dover And Of Boulogne Seem To

Be Of The Same Kidney, And Indeed They Understand One Another

Perfectly Well. It Was Our Honest Captain Who Made The Signal For

The Shore-Boat Before I Went Upon Deck; By Which Means He Not

Only Gratified His Friends, The Watermen Of Boulogne, But Also

Saved About Fifteen Shillings Portage, Which He Must Have Paid

Had He Gone Into The Harbour; And Thus He Found Himself At

Liberty To Return To Dover, Which He Reached In Four Hours. I

Mention These Circumstances As A Warning To Other Passengers.

When A Man Hires A Packet-Boat From Dover To Calais Or Boulogne,

Let Him Remember That The Stated Price Is Five Guineas; And Let

Him Insist Upon Being Carried Into The Harbour In The Ship,

Without Paying The Least Regard To The Representations Of The

Master, Who Is Generally A Little Dirty Knave. When He Tells You

It Is Low Water, Or The Wind Is In Your Teeth, You May Say You

Will Stay On Board Till It Is High Water, Or Till The Wind Comes

Favourable. If He Sees You Are Resolute, He Will Find Means To

Bring His Ship Into The Harbour, Or At Least To Convince You,

Without A Possibility Of Your Being Deceived, That It Is Not In

His Power. After All, The Fellow Himself Was A Loser By His

Finesse; If He Had Gone Into The Harbour, He Would Have Had

Another Fare Immediately Back To Dover, For There Was A Scotch 

Gentleman At The Inn Waiting For Such An Opportunity.

Knowing My Own Weak Constitution, I Took It For Granted This

Morning's Adventure Would Cost Me A Fit Of Illness; And What

Added To My Chagrin, When We Arrived At The Inn, All The Beds

Were Occupied; So That We Were Obliged To Sit In A Cold Kitchen

Above Two Hours, Until Some Of The Lodgers Should Get Up. This

Was Such A Bad Specimen Of French Accommodation, That My Wife

Could Not Help Regretting Even The Inns Of Rochester,

Sittingbourn, And Canterbury: Bad As They Are, They Certainly

Have The Advantage, When Compared With The Execrable Auberges Of

This Country, Where One Finds Nothing But Dirt And Imposition.

One Would Imagine The French Were Still At War With The English,

For They Pillage Them Without Mercy.

Among The Strangers At This Inn Where We Lodged, There Was A

Gentleman Of The Faculty, Just Returned From Italy. Understanding

That I Intended To Winter In The South Of France, On Account Of A

Pulmonic Disorder, He Strongly Recommended The Climate Of Nice In

Provence, Which, Indeed, I Had Often Heard Extolled; And I Am

Almost Resolved To Go Thither, Not Only For The Sake Of