The Calling by Haneefa Muhammad (ebook audio reader .TXT) 📕

Should I even be this happy? Should I be this nervous? What if I don’t do it? What if I do it? What if something bad happens to me after I do it? All these questions are running through my mind while I constantly pick up my fork and shove food into my mouth. I pretend to be almost insanely engrossed in my food, but in reality I’m freaking out.
But it’s a good freaking out, I’m finally gonna do what I’ve been dying to do for a long time now. Something I’ve been planning for, for days, weeks, even months. All the planned ahead scenarios, gathered necessities, wishes, hopes, and dreams led to this day. Well to be exact this night. My body shivers in excitement, and I hold back a smile as I go over in my mind for the hundredth time, the official plan I made.
“Izzy are you gonna finish your vegetables?” My mom asks me, waking me up from my day dreaming. I look up from my plate to meet her brown eyes that are slightly filled with worry. Could she tell something was wrong? I put on the fake smile I’m way too used to and nod.
“Yeah I guess.” I respond my voice monotone as I stare at the cold vegetables. As she goes back to her plate of food I sneak a look at her. I watch her brown smooth hand gently grip the fork, and the laugh marks on her face increase when she opens her mouth to intake her food. Her dark brown curls fall gently around her face and she every so often pulls a strand of hair to rest behind her ear. What I really can’t take my eyes away from is her eyes, the eyes that I’ve known all my life that holds any and every emotion you could think of. The eyes that could take my breath away that could make me feel comfort, safe, and secure. But unfortunately I won’t be seeing those brown orbs anymore, nor will I get to hear her voice. The voice only a mother can have that could comfort her child like no other sound could. That could stop the child’s heartbeat in a second.
How could I say good bye to that? Should I hug her and tell her thanks for everything, or would that be too obvious? My eyes concentrate on a single spot on the table as I think about this. I know I have to tell her bye some way, it will kill me if I don’t, but I just have to think of a way of doing it without being too obvious.

“Hey mom?” I try not to sound nervous or sad but it’s hard to keep the emotions out of my voice, when I know what I’m about to say means more than what she thinks, and she won’t know that until it’s too late.

“Yes hunny, is there something wrong? You haven’t eaten your vegetables.” Mom says as she sits across the brown wooden table looking at me.
Oh yeah, the vegetables…… totally forgot.
“Yeah I’ll get around to that… I just wanted to say that I love you Mom.” I said and nearly choked on the last four words, because I know what the words ‘I love you’ means. My mother smiles and says she loves me back, only if she knew that the words I love you means goodbye.
After the long intense dinner I retreat to my room to get ready for the plan. I look around at the usually messy room, that’s spotless clean. I can actually see the floor now! Yeah, it’s brown, and for some odd reason it always seemed like a reddish color to me… shows how messy the room was. There are only four things I’m bringing with me a backpack full of food and cloths, two thousand dollars in cash, a cheap small portable tent, and a neatly folded letter I’m going to leave behind. I stuff the tent into my bulging backpack, and then put it on. I stash the cash in my back pocket and pick up the letter and read over it for the 25th time today, literally. The letter basically states that I love my mom and I’m grateful for everything she’s done. And this was done by free will so don’t bother looking for me.
As I stare emotionless at the letter, I feel my eyes start to water up, and I know it’s time to leave. I can’t be weak anymore. I look behind me to make sure my bedroom door is locked. If mom tries to walk in on me, it’ll buy me sometime with the door locked. I open my window and look at the dark sky. It’s decorated with thousands of twinkling stars and the cool breeze of the night swarms into my room, inviting me out.
I take a deep breath and look back for the last time, ‘Good bye’; I say in my mind and jump out the window into the night.


2 Days later……..

I wake up to the sound of dogs barking nearby, shit I must have overslept. I usually wake up before they start barking, I look at my blue and yellow watch wrapped around my wrist to find that it’s 5:20 in the morning. Wow that’s weird they’re up pretty early. I pack up my tent and get a move on before somebody sees me if they haven’t already.

I stumble around the small tent gathering the few of my items that are out of my bag. I grab my sleeping bag and get out of the tent so I can fold it up. After that I take down everything, and put my tent in my backpack. Only down side is my pajamas are still on, and not much stores are open at 5 in the morning. Luckily no one has seen me yet so I make my way through the quiet streets of the city. I’m what they call around here a street walker; others call people like me vagabonds. What do I do? I just move around place to place, never staying in one spot for more than a day. All alone on the cold streets of New York, but it’s the life I chose and I don’t regret it.
I don’t know why but leaving felt like the right thing, it wasn’t that I was being treated unfairly by my mother it’s just that I didn’t feel like I belonged. Like there’s something out here for me and I just have to find it. I go into a gas station up the road; I nod at Ben, the cashier at the front. I’ve known him since….. Yesterday but the guy is a good guy. He has long brown shaggy hair and has glasses, he’s pretty immature for his age, 20, but the guy is pretty awesome.

“Sup Izzy how’s it hangin?” He calls to me from behind the counter as he attends to one of his early customers, Earl, he’s always the first one in. I give him a friendly smile and laugh a little, cause Earl is talking his ear off like always.
“It’s been going good just changing my cloths.”
“Changing your clothes? I didn’t know you had your own dressing room back there, I’ve been working here for half a year and I haven’t even got a raise, never the less a dressing room!” He says with mock rage.
“Well I’m a special person that gets special things.” I respond back equally playfully.
“Well hurry up short bus I know you have to pile on piles of makeup to make yourself look the least of decent.” He says.
“Says the guy with the mascara who looks like a hooker…” I respond and quickly retreat into the bathroom in the back to change my clothes. I can tell, me and this guy are gonna be pretty great friends. He knows other homeless teens in the area so he’s pretty friendly, and he understands it’s hard being an eighteen year old out on your own. I go into the bathroom located towards the back of the store and look at myself in the mirror, my long brown hair is a mess and I have sleep marks on my face, at least I didn’t slobber. Ben wouldn’t let me live that down.

“Izzy Izzy Izzy what are you going to do with yourself.” I say to myself as I change out of my black pants and Transformers night shirt into black jeans and a Korn T shirt, yeah not much of a difference. I wash my face off to make myself look more awake, and grab all of my belongings.
As I make my way towards the entrance I notice that Ben looks scared as hell and has his hands up in a submissive way. A man in front of him in a black hoodie is pointing a gun at him, oh no this is bad…


“Give me the money now!” Says a deep voice, before I can go back into the bathroom to formulate a plan Ben’s eyes meet with mine and the robber turns around, shit…
“Hey you get over here.” The masked armed robber says he’s wearing all black and has a “Saw” face mask on, wow the guy is original with his cover up. I move slowly towards them and find that there are two other guys with him all of them carrying guns, and wearing the same thing.
“What do yah got in that bag, girl?” The one to the left of me says, his voice is a bit scratchy.
“Nothing you need to worry about.” I respond boldly, this is all I have and I’m not giving it up without a fight. The three men laugh as if amused by my ability not to bow down.
“Looks like we got a tough one here.” The man who’s pointing the gun at Ben says, and his crew gives nods and grunts of agreement. My legs start to tremble and I feel as if the ground is starting to move. No! I can’t get nervous I have to stay strong! The other guy who isn’t talking much circles around me.
“Well I guess we’ll have to break her, eh?” The man on my left says, and then he puts a gun to my head.
“So are we gonna do this the easy way are hard way? Doesn’t matter which route we go cause I’m gonna get what’s in that bag.” The man pointing the gun at me says. I take a deep shaky breath and try to steady my trembling limbs; I can’t show them I’m terrified.
“Why are you so interested with my bag? I have nothing in there except cloths and a tent.” I say, which is the truth but I don’t