Finding Me by Jasmin Rores (good ebook reader txt) 📕

Finding Me

By: Jasmin Rores


 
Chapter One

She thought hard about what her life meant, what it was about, but came up with nothing. Alison thought when she was younger that she would be somebody, doing something important. Now at the age of thirty-five, she realized, as she always had, she had no idea what she was doing and no idea what to do next.
Working in an assisted living facility for the last five years all she learned from the dying old was that life is not as long as it seems, and heartbreak is a way of life. Alison often had panic attacks, nobody really knew why. The doctors said she was bi-polar depressive, gave her medication and sent her back to her life. She had no idea what bi-polar depressive meant. She thought maybe it was the work scene, she felt like she was the death angel, making the last moments count for the ones who would soon be taken away. Not one person that was there when she began was there now. The panic attacks had only recently started. A lot had been piled on at work recently. She wanted the hours, but the anxiety would get her sooner than later.
At ten o’clock at night she got of work and drove home, if you could call it that, to her two dogs. Alison had always loved animals and wanted to be a veterinarian technician, or run her own animal shelter. She had many dreams of becoming many different things, a teacher, and FBI agent, a business lady, an event planner, an owner of her own underwear store. The latter was her favorite and pretty much her life-long dream. In a weird way she thought the idea if underwear was much like herself. They were meant to conceal private things and they were also covered by another layer of the wearer’s choice. But underneath those layers is something that can be natural, pretty, extravagant, colorful, and frilly. She supposed everyone wanted to be a lot of things, when they were younger. Most people in their mid-twenties had decided what they wanted to do and gone to school for it, but someone in their mid-thirties, that was simply ridiculous. Alison didn’t go to college, not yet anyway. When she was eighteen she froze at the idea of being at a big college not knowing anyone. And when Alison thought of that she could feel the twinge of anxiety building in her chest. She thought how could she ever be anything worth being if she was so scared of everything? Alison was tired of being scared of life. She wanted to live it, be spontaneous.
She thought about this a lot, among a lot of other things. She started thinking as she was walking to her front door, “The dogs need let out.” Alison liked to block her worrying-mind with all the things like housework and taking care of the dogs, they were both time-consuming and the work was never really done. This kept her busy when wasn’t caring for the “dying old” as she thought of them.
Alison opened the screen door and instantly heard the reassuring barks and whines of her two Boxers, Little and Big. The names were simple she said when she thought of them, just like me. Big was the male of the first litter and Little was the female of the second. She had gotten both of them from an ad in the newspaper, no papers and already had their shots; she took the chance and loved Big to pieces which forced her to get another. She unlocked the main door and slowly opened it and said, “Get down, get down.” She had to say this so that she wouldn’t get knocked over coming inside. Walking in she threw her purse, workbag, and keys on the kitchen table, and then finally took off her shoes that were killing her feet slowly.
“Hello my Little and Big puppies!” she exclaimed. She loved her dogs to pieces, and nothing would ever change or come between that. The dogs rushed to her wagging their tails to and fro. She gave them both big kisses on their heads and scratched their floppy ears.
“Let’s go potty!”
Alison opened the door and grabbed the chain that was hanging on a nail outside the door. Big ran over encouraging her to hurry, reminding her that he had been inside for eight hours straight. She hooked him up and he ran outside.
Alison shut the door and went to fill the water bowl, she jumped, Big was barking furiously at something outside. She sometimes hated when they did that, it always scared her half to death, you never know what could be out there. Running to the door window she tripped over Little who was also now barking.
“Shit!” she yelled, still running to see what the commotion was.
The house lights were off, she never turned them on right when she got home, and she figured the dogs would take care of anything that might pose a threat. Knowing that no one would be able to see in since the lights were off she peaked through the door windows. Seeing nothing at first she looked harder, when a dog barks there is usually something they are barking about. Pressing her face to the chilly window she finally saw it, a man walking down the street.
This wasn’t unusual for this town. It was only 10:24 at night. Many people walked around town at night. It was, for the most part, a safe town. With a population of about 3,000 everybody pretty much new everybody, and in turn knew everything about everybody. This is always the curse of a small town.
The man walked fast, but not as if he was in a hurry. He wore white running shoes, a dark pair of blue jeans, and possibly a black top. Alison wasn’t sure, she had a motion light but it didn’t shine on the sidewalk across the road. Her eyes followed him as he walked past the driveway of her neighbor right across the street from her. He almost walked out of sight when he stopped suddenly. Only able to see one arm and a leg of the person Alison ran to the front room windows. Carefully kneeling on her couch she looked threw the curtains, she could make out a figure, and he was still standing there.
She gasped and violently threw her hand up to cover her mouth. He wouldn’t be able to hear her but she was terrified and wasn’t thinking about that. Thoughts scrambled thru her brain. What was he doing? Is he casing my house? Was he drunk and lost? Could he be a criminal? A million more crazy ideas lapped her skull. She sat there silently watching the man intently. Not moving one single centimeter she watched as the figure looked around him then bent down to his shoe. A classic move she thought. Why is it that when people are trying to be suspicious they bend down to tie their shoe? But as she leaned closer to the window to get a better look she saw the man wasn’t fooling with his shoe laces, but instead he lifted his jeans, reached into his sock and pulled something out. Oh my God, she thought.
“What the fuck is he doing?” she whispered under her breathe.
She kept watching, the man was walking across the street. Alison fumbled for her cell phone on the couch beside her. She grabbed it. The man stopped by the mailbox; she froze to see what he would do next. He looked around again; slowly he opened the mailbox and placed what looked to be a crumpled piece of paper inside. She could see a little better now; he was at the edge of the light of her motion light. His hair was dark and he had a dark blue top on. When he reached into the mailbox she saw a tattoo on the backside of his arm. She trembled. All at once the mystery man closed the door of the mailbox and literally ran into the night. It all ended so fast she thought she had been mistaken. She stood still for a while looking to see if he would come back or to see a car speed off running from the scene. Nothing happened. She must have sat there for half an hour in a daze looking out the window.
Alison jumped suddenly when Big let out an ear ringing howl letting her know that he was still outside. She jumped up off the couch and went to the door. A shot of fear ran threw her chest as she thought if someone was out there waiting for her. Opening the door quickly she unhooked Big and hooked Little up and shut the door.
She leaned against the door, slid down and sat on the floor. Big came up and gave Alison a big doggy kiss across her entire face. Wiping the slobber off her face Alison thought about what that piece of paper could be about. Was it even a piece of paper? She wasn’t going to find out tonight, that was for sure. It would have to wait until morning, when it was safer.
“Arfff…….Arfff….Arfff!”
Little was ready to be let in. Alison took the same precautions as she did when she let Big in. After Little ran in with new found energy she locked the doors two locks. Walking quietly she rounded the house and checked all the rooms and closets, just in case. The dogs went around with her sniffing everywhere she went. Everything was as she left it; nothing was touched or tampered with. Feeling somewhat relieved she showered (with the door open) and changed into a pair of sweats and a tank top. She climbed into her full size bed and covered up; the dogs took their places like they did every night. Big slept at the foot of the bed, he wanted to sleep up by the pillows but he snored like a grown man and right in Alison’s ear. She couldn’t stand it and made him sleep at the bottom of the bed. Little on the other hand always cuddled up right next to Alison and stayed there throughout the night. Alison picked the remote up, turned the TV on and started flipping thru the channels.


Chapter Two
Something pushed against Alison. It kept pushing. Her eyes fluttered back and forth rapidly. She opened her eyes, she was still alive. Little was pressing her paws against Alison’s ribs, shoving her over, like she needed more room. Trying to think about the last moment she was awake, Alison lied there and thought about the dreams she had. She had imagined that when she checked the mailbox the paper inside was a million dollar check. Yeah right she thought. It would be nice but it was just something to keep her mind from thinking the worst. It sort of felt like Christmas , that adrenaline coursing through your veins wondering what could be under the pretty red and white striped paper with the silver bow on top. The feeling was the only thing that was the same; the fear was most likely the culprit of the adrenaline.
She uncovered herself, the dogs jumped to action. The day started. Walking into the kitchen she saw the dogs’ water bowl that she dropped back into the sink when this whole ordeal started taking place. She picked it up again and started filling