The Arabian Nights Entertainments by Anonymous (best books to read .txt) 📕

Alnaschar, as long as our father lived, was very lazy; instead of working for his living, he used to go a begging in the evening, and to live upon what he got the next day. Our father died in a very old age, and left among us seven hundred drams of silver, which we equally divided; so that each of us had one hundred to his share. Alnaschar, who never had so much money before in his possession, was very much perplexed to know what he should do with it; he consulted a long time with himself, and at last resolved to lay it out in glasses, bottles, and other glass-work, which he bought of a great merchant, He put them all in an open basket, and chose a very little shop, where he sat with the basket before him, and his back against the wall, expecting that somebody would come and buy his ware. In this posture he sat with his eyes fixed on his basket; and beginning to rave, spoke the following words loud enough to be heard by a neighbour tailor: This basket, said he, cost me one hundred drams, which are all I have in the world; I shall make two hundred of it by retailing my glass; and of these two hundred drams, which I will again lay out in glass, I shall make four hundred; and, going on thus, I shall make at last make four thousand drams; of four thousand I shall easily make eight thousand; and when I come to ten thousand, I will leave off selling glass, turn jeweller and trade in diamonds, pearls, and all sorts of precious stones. Then, when I am as rich as I can wish, I will buy a fine house, a great estate, slaves, eunuchs, and horses: I will keep a good house, make a great figure in the world, and will send for all the musicians and dancers of both sexes in town. Nor will I stop here; I will, by the favour of Heaven, go on till I get a hundred thousand drams; and when I have got so much, I will think myself as great as a prince, send to demand the grand vizier's daughter in marriage, and represent to that minister that I have heard very much of the wonderful beauty, modesty, wit, and all the other qualities of his daughter; in a word, that I will give him one thousand pieces of gold the first night we are married; and if the vizier be so uncivil as to refuse his daughter, which cannot be, I will go and take her before his face, and carry her to my house, whether he will or no. As soon as I have married the grand vizier's daughter, I will buy her ten young black eunuchs, the handsomest that can be had; I will clothe myself like a prince, and ride upon a fine horse, with a saddle of rich gold, and housings of cloth, of gold, elegantly embroidered with diamonds and pearls. I will march through the city, attended both before and behind; and I will go to the vizier's palace, in the view of all sorts of people, who will show me profound reverence. When I alight at the foot of the vizier's stair-case, I will ascend it in the presence of all my people, ranged in files on the right and left; and the grand vizier, receiving me as his son-in-law, shall give me his right hand, and set me above him, to do me the more honour. If this comes to pass, as I hope it will, two of my people shall have each of them a purse of a thousand pieces of gold, which they shall carry with them. I will take one, and presenting it to the grand vizier, will tell him, There are the thousand pieces that I promised the first night of marriage; and I will offer him the other, and say to him, there are as many more, to show you that I am a man of my word, and that I am better than my promise. After such an action as this, all the world will speak of my generosity, and I will return to my own house in the same pomp. My wife shall send to compliment me by some officer, on account of the visit I made to her father: I will honour the officer with a fine robe, and send him back with a rich present. If she thinks to send me one, I will not accept of it, but dismiss the bearer. I will not suffer her to go out of her apartment, on any account whatever, without giving me notice; and when I have a mind to go to her apartment, it shall be in such a manner as to make her respect me. In short, no house shall be better ordered than mine. I shall be always richly clad. When I retire with my wife in the evening, I will sit on the upper hand; I will assume a grave air, without turning my head to the one side or to the other; I will speak little; and whilst my wife, as beautiful as the full moon, stands before me in all her ornaments, will feign as if I did not notice her. The women about her will say to me, Our dear lord and master, here is your spouse, your humble servant, before you; she expects you will caress her, and is very much mortified that you do not so much as vouchsafe to look upon her: she is wearied with standing so long; bid her at least sit down. I will give no answer to this discourse, which will increase their surprise and grief; they will lay themselves at my feet; and, after they have done so a considerable time, begging me to relent, I will at last lift up my head, and give her a careless look. Afterwards I will return to my former posture; and then will they think that my wife is not well enough, nor handsome enough dressed, and will take her to her closet to change her apparel. At the same time I will get up and put on a more magnificent suit than before: they will return and hold the discourse with me as before; and I shall have the pleasure not so much as to look upon my wife, till they have prayed and entreated as long as they did at first. Thus I will begin, on the first day of marriage, to teach her what she is to expect during the rest of her life.

After the ceremonies of the marriage are over, said Alnaschar, I will take from one of my servants, who shall be about me, a purse of five hundred pieces of gold, which I will give to the tire-women, that they may leave me alone with my spouse. "When they are retired, my wife shall go to bed first, and then I will lie down beside her, with my back towards her, and will not speak even one word to her the whole night. The next morning she will certainly complain of my contempt of her, and of my pride, to her mother, the grand vizier's wife, which will rejoice me extremely. Her mother will then wait upon me, respectfully kiss my hands, and say to me, Sir, (for she will not dare to call me her son-in-law, for fear of provoking me by such familiarity), I pray you not to disdain my daughter, by refusing to approach her: I assure you that her chief study is to please you; and that she loves you with all her heart. But my mother-in-law might as well hold her peace; I will not make her the least answer, but keep my gravity. Then she will prostrate herself at my feet, kiss them, and say to me, Sir, is it possible that you can suspect my daughter's chastity? I assure you that I never let her go out of my sight. You are the first man that ever saw her face; do not, then, mortify her so much. Do her the favour to look upon her, to speak to her, and confirm her in her good intentions to satisfy you in every thing. But nothing of this shall prevail; upon which my mother-in-law will take a glass of wine, and, putting it into the hand of her daughter, will say, Go, present him with this glass of wine yourself; perhaps he will not be so cruel as to refuse it from so fair a hand. My wife will come with the glass, and stand trembling before me; and when she finds that I do not look towards her, and that I continue my disdain, she will say to me, with tears in her eyes, My heart! my dear soul! my amiable lord! I conjure you, by the favours which Heaven bestows upon you, to receive this glass of wine from the hand of your most humble servant! But I will not look upon her still, nor answer her. My charming spouse! she will then say, redoubling her tears, and putting the glass to my mouth, I will never leave off till I prevail with you to drink! Then, being fatigued with her entreaties, I will dart a terrible look at her, give her a good box on the cheek, and such a kick with my foot, as will throw her quite off the alcove.

My brother was so full of these chimerical visions, that he acted with his foot as if she had been really before him; and unfortunately gave such a push against the basket and glasses, that they were thrown down in the street, and broken in a thousand pieces.

A tailor, who was his neighbour, and who had heard his extravagant discourse, fell into a fit of laughter when he saw the basket fall. O what an unworthy fellow art thou! said he to my brother; ought you not to be ashamed to abuse thus a young spouse, who gave you no cause to complain? You must be a very brutish fellow to despise the tears and charms of such a beautiful lady! Were I the vizier your father-in-law, I would order you a hundred lashes with a bull's pizzle, and send you through the town with your character written on your forehead. My brother, on this fatal accident, came to himself; and perceiving that he had brought this misfortune upon himself by his unsupportable pride, beat his face, tore his clothes, and cried so loud, that the neighbours came about him; and the people who were going to their noon-prayers stopped to know what was the matter. It being on a Friday, a greater number of people was going to prayers than usual; some of them took pity on Alnaschar, while others only laughed at his extravagance. In the mean time, his vanity being dispersed, as well as his glasses, he bitterly lamented his loss; and a lady of distinction passing by on a mule with rich caparisons, my brother's condition excited her compassion; she asked who he was, and what was the matter with him; they told her that he was a poor man, who had laid out a little money in buying a basket of glasses, and that the basket falling, all his glasses were broken. The lady immediately turned to an eunuch who attended her, and said to him, Give the poor man what money you have about you. The eunuch obeying, put into my brother's hand five hundred pieces of gold. Alnaschar was transported with excess of joy on receiving them; he bestowed a thousand blessings upon the lady, and shutting up his shop, where he had no longer occasion to sit, he returned to his house.

Whilst he was seriously reflecting upon his good fortune, he heard a knocking at the door; but, before he opened it, he thought it prudent first to inquire who it was; when knowing it to be a woman by her voice, he instantly admitted her. My son, said she, I have a favour to beg of you: the hour