Where I Am by Chelsea Anne Brennan (popular ebook readers .txt) 📕

A Year Ago- December 2008

365 days ago, i talked to You about me-
promising You changes, as best as i could see
"I'm gonna stop that lying Lord...and my temper i'll put at bay
Cmon God, you know its hard- to live pure and right these days-
And i know that those evil thoughts i think arent what you have for me
and those words i say, when i dont get my way- so sharp and hastily
and that gossip that i do...well maybe its intentional
but if they didnt live that way, i wouldnt say anything at all..
and i know you told me not to condemn, well thats one thing i refuse
see im only judging them by your word..isnt that what you want me to do?.."
I wonder what God is thinking, when we thru our human minds
justify our evilness, in the name of the Divine
we use His word, as if to keep our record clean before men
and fail to see the subtlity of the lies painted on our hands
We go to church, we sing the songs, we learn to play the part
But God doesnt care what role you play, if you dont have the heart
And as this time comes once again for pause and reflection to vows
Why dont we just stop lying to ourselves, and decide to be real right now
see I dont know why God puts up with our mess- or why He puts up with me
When we make the same decisions time and again, and fail at them miserably
So as this new year approaches, and you set goals to rearrange-
stop trying to do things for yourself, and let God have you, for a change.


Why I Told You Goodbye- 2008

If I knew what i meant when i told you goodbye
we wouldn't be where we are right now
- we wouldn't be in two worlds apart
but together, someway- somehow

I wish i could say what i need you to hear
cause its screaming inside of me
but for whatever the reason, i keep it all in
in hopes that you'll never see

the way you make me melt with your voice
your smile- i forget how to breathe
im at a loss for words, no thought can be heard
just a fictional ploy to tease..

at once i try to fool myself
into thinking its all just a lie
but the fragrant addiction that holds me captive
to your eyes, i just can't deny

but your the one i could never have
sentimentally out of my league
so i watch from a distance- and pray that it ends
this journey- temptation- the intrigue

I love you, no doubt- but you'll never know
cause it hurts to much to try-
so i'll walk away, with nothing to say
but goodbye; though i'll never know why.


My Soul's Van Goghe- 2004

This pain that seems to seep into the divets of my heart
has slowly and knowingly painted a picture- m heartache's work of art.
The canvas of my soul's emotion was blank, barren, and bare
and then you brought, what i thought, to be all that was never there.
With your torrents of red; a vibrant blue, you started to add each color anew
The golden yellows, valleysome greens; each color bold and true
But right as the picture was coming to form- i could scarely believe my eyes
With a flood of water, you drenched this picture- my work of art's demise
All that was left of my masterpiece was a drabless sop of paint,
And what once was a beautiful picture of love, had now caused my heart to faint.
Only time will tell when this endless well will be ravenged with echoes of woe
These tears from my heart- this classic art- hae made you my soul's Van Goghe.


Love Lost- 2004

Love lost in a moment in time
will forever echoe in the soul and mind
wandering memories; forgotten dreams
overshadowed vision- yet clearly seen
the joy love may bring, beautiful, blessed-
or so disguised is its true form- an image of death
a valley of despair- the kiss of pain
o the heartless well of emotion-the guilt, such shame
but if the heart is true, as devoted as is seen
forever loving, together living in the midst of passion's revine
what passion, what fondness! o affections warm imbrace
the honest glow resides in the soul and displays upon the face
so closely related is love's life and death
an unexpected begining o a shattered, tattered end
a heart so precious must be guarded by both the soul and mind
for either a love so treasured will come
or merely a love lost in a moment in time.


If It Were All I Had- 2008

If it were all i had, I'd give without reserve,
Without reasoning or antics, beyond these temporal falsehoods- unsparingly.
I'd give to you; ere, I'd cling to you.
As the stars cling to the night sky in the shadow of the pale moon's darkness
I'd embrace you, as the foam from the ocean's midday current caresses its shore's sands.
I'd follow you; as the wave follows the wind ore the deep's vast abyss
I'd draw from you; as the flower draws her strenght from the suns glorious beams.
and even the more so, I'd love you.
with every ryhme of my pen,
with every note in my feeble song,
with every breath of this body,
with every beat of my heart; I'd forever love you.
though it were all i had to give.


From Then- 2008

time goes by.
as it always does, as it always has.
you can't stop it- you can't start it.
its just goes on.

and i see you. i feel your eyes on me,
immersed in every thought of when we were
together.

life was so young- so beautiful-
we were captivated by what seemed
like every wish was ours to be had.
we were there. all was ours.
we went on.

past even our own limitations
were the dreams we had for each other
were far greater than any rural aspiration-
we lived. we loved.
forever in that moment-


when you left, i ended.
i lived, but by the ever dreadful breath
that my frozen body could summon-
i cried, but no tears could be seen.
i screamed, but no utterance could be heard.
forever in that moment.


but we ended, when i left.
such dreams were cadenced by an overwhelming shadow
of potential ruin
a possible break
in my own young heart
but you left because
i pushed you out.

and now i sit.
i wonder
what if i tried-
what if i gave-
what if i held on to those fragile dreams-
would there be an escape from this deluge of misconceptions

but i only see you.
i only feel your eyes, encircling me, following me- it is then i let go
to all of what could be, and love you
though unloved in return-
and i hold on to what time i have left.

for time goes by.
it always has. it always will.
it never stops.
nor will I.


Oh Little Bird-2006

O little bird, you sing so sweet
So steady and ready for all nature to meet.
Your little wings, delicate and fair
Seem to sharply pierce through the cool spring's air.
Your eyes, as small as the flowers of the hills,
Are cunning as ever to guide at your will.
Your fragile frame as light as the wind
So fittingly fashioned and kept by Him-
Him, in whose hands hold the celestial light,
Hold thy tender body throughout they flight.
Yet the same One who watches ore' thee while thou dost sleep
Is the same one who promiseth my soul to keep.
O little bird, please teach me to sing
When life has battered and bruised my fair wings,
When the problems of life seem to scar my small eyes
And bring this feeble frame to its untimely demise.
Teach me to fly by faith and not sight,
And to believe that He'll protect me with all His might.
O the greatest of lessons that i'll have ever learned-
You have taught me through your song- O sweet little bird.


What I Saw- 2009

I looked at you and didn't recognize you.

I mean we've known each other all our lives; but here I am, staring into your eyes, like i've done so many times before- and i find myself torn.
Torn between the visage of a once familar friend and an unknown. There i stood for a parallel moment, rehashing the events that brought me to this point of examination. The point where i looked at you and didn't recognize you.

Bright eyed and optimistic, with a certain whimsy about your smile, that effortlessly transcended to every face it met; you just had a way with people. You always looked past the the gargantuan issues, whether they be moral or trivial, that seemed to tie up others- you saw the soul. Strangers really were friends you just hadn't had the opportunity to make laugh yet...i mean, after all you loved to laugh.

An Idealist at your core, you were unstoppable- fearless, passionate; and everyone agreed. It was you against the world- the ball was in your court- and without hesitating, you ran to meet life head on.

That was you then; but not who you are now?

Where there once was a glimmer, a shadow covers ever contour of your darkened eyes. You infectious laugh, your idylic smile....gone. Your face, expressionless. what happened?

Fine, you don't want to talk about it- but its already been stated in your dispostion. The way you refused to share your burden told me all i needed to know.

You weren't the same person. You were someone else.
You ran to meet life head on, but it ended up being a collision: a collision of what you thought life would be and what reality dictated. I guess you never really knew what people were really made of. the phisod created by your own naivity about the goodness of people; the pureness of authority.
You made some wrong decisions, doing what you thought was right. you wish you had direction but you never really did. In fact, the one person you desired more than anyone else was the one person who would sit back and let you fall; only to scold you when you got up.
yeah, he didnt help the cause much.
You found it hard