Kevin's Story by Kevin S (librera reader txt) 📕

6 am. Saying she got hung up with the girls from work, they had gone to get their checks cashed and just lost track of time. I was mad because she could have called; I had worried most of the night. But she said all the right words and actions to make me believe she was sorry. I was unaware that she had no money the next week, it just didn’t register with me. Nothing else happened for a few weeks and I just forgot about the whole thing. Until she was again a no show at work on a Friday night. When I got home after work the house was tore up again. This time I didn’t see her until noon Sunday. I way beyond mad, She tried to tell me some cock and bull story, about not being able to get home or call. I refused to hear it. After much arguing and crying on her part she told me that she had started to smoke some crack with a woman she had met in the shelter, and got lost for the weekend. I asked her what the hell did she come home for now, she had run out of money. I couldn’t really understand this, I drank some beer and in the past smoked some dope, even did some coke. It was one of the reasons I had moved to Virginia I started to like coke too much. But the idea of keeping going until I was out of money, was new to me. After many promises to never do it again, and to some how make it up to me for all the worry she had put me through. I forgave her. And we made do with my money the next week.
Things went on smoothly for about a month. We came home from work, Michele had been quiet on the ride home, I thought it was just being tired, our jobs were very physical. When I got home the first thing I wanted was a shower. I jumped in the shower; Michele came into the shower to talk for a couple of minutes. When I got out of the shower and had dried off I went out into the living room, She was gone, just gone no note no nothing. I looked out the window and her car was gone. After a while I went to throw my clothes in the hamper, I found my wallet wasn’t in my pants. I found it on the night stand, empty. I was very angry and hurt. That money was for the rent and other bills, not to mention food. And she had promised me. This was before I knew anything about addicts, and the things they will do for their drug.
I didn’t seem her until late Sunday night. By that time I had made up my mind, even though I thought I loved her, I couldn’t have this. I told her she had to leave, to move out. She begged and pleaded, and promised, but my mind was made up. I really hated the idea of being alone again. That somehow it was my fault that this was t I deserved. I was scared that I would be alone forever, that no one would ever love me. But I couldn’t have this lying and stealing, it offended everything I felt two lovers meant. I told her she had until pay day to find somewhere to live. She kept pleading to stay. I softened up enough to tell her if she could stay completely clean for three months I would take her back.
She moved out the next Friday. I really hated to see her go, I felt bad for her, but I really felt bad for myself. I felt like she was my last and best chance for love.
She managed to stay straight for the three months, She made work everyday, and even signed up for some classes at the local tech school. We talked everyday at work. She kept telling me she was doing all of this to get me back, that she loved me more than crack Of course It was just what I wanted and needed to hear. She went to class during the day before work. And a couple times a week would come over to my place after work. We were not intimate and she went home to her own bed. After the three months and some, she moved back in, I was very happy and so was she. It was also the last time crack entered our lives for a long time. She kept up with her classes and became a legal secretary. Things were good for a long time. Kevin had poured out his fractured heart in his proposal. His rough attachment told of a near-death stabbing after half a life of alcohol abuse. But I don’t want to tell his story. I just want to show why I bid $75 for a $2000 editing job on Guru.com.

Hi Letty
Thank you for responding to my posting. If you have been sober for 32 years you may very well have heard my story. It only differs from hundreds of other in degree.
My friends, my shrink, and many of the groups, I have spoken to tell me its worth putting on paper. That maybe my telling it will help the next guy.
I'm not a writer, and really don't know how to go about a project like this. So if we decide to work together you will have a clue as to what you will be dealing with.
I want to do this because, I should not be alive. the ex stabbed me in the chest 13 times. No one gave me a chance of pulling thru. But I'm here, I now consider my life all gravy. My old life ended just over five years ago, and I’m doing my best to make this one worth living.
My recovery program is simple and yet encompassing. "I’m just a guy trying to do the next right thing."
I'm attaching a little bit of my story, I wrote it to try and explain to someone what the stabbing was like. It was also was very diffult to write. I'm hoping you will get a feel for my story.
I hope we can find common ground and produce a readable story.
Looking forward to hearing from you.
Kevin

The Stabbing and its Aftermath

I’ll try to get through the story today. Last night it just wore me out to put it down on paper.
It all started long ago in a country beyond the sea; oh no that’s a different story....
About eight years ago, I was mentally in bad shape. I had lost a job that I had high expectations of. My fault that the job went away. My unemployment was about to run out, I was afraid we were going to lose everything, which we did.
I decided that my life was shit, and there was nothing I could do about it. I went and got sleeping pills and lots of whiskey. Tried to write a note, and couldn’t do even that correctly.
I took the pills and slammed the rest of the whiskey. After a short while I started to fall asleep, I was ready to go. There was no doubt in my mind that this was what I wanted. My wife got this feeling that she had to get home now! She left early and came straight home; the plan had been for her to go the store, after work. She found me just barely breathing; in fact I stopped on the way to the hospital. I was in ICU for three days before I came around, I was not happy; I had taken my final step in making my pain stop.
After wards I made promises to Michele (the ex) that I wouldn’t do it again. I never tried it again, but I gave up on everything, My life was going to be full of pain and there wasn’t shit I could do about it. So I just gave up, on everything. I just didn’t want to care about anything. After that my drinking really started to get bad, why try to control it. It didn’t take long before we were both on the streets, just a couple of months. After a few weeks on the street Michele found a room she could rent, they told her I wasn’t allowed to be there... So I stayed on the streets, working day labor when I was not too sick And getting paid at the end of the day. First stop the liquor store, for a bottle and some cigs was all set to stay drunk for the next couple of days. I would give Michele money when I had some. But I would run out of money and booze, and go back to the day labor, repeat for the next couple of years. I would go into find work so sick from withdrawals; I would be sneaking off to throw up.
I found out somewhat later that Michele was fucking the landlord, no wonder he didn’t want me around. I found out about it, and my dumb-ass took her back. But she didn’t move out of the house. I had gotten angry and had beaten the shit out of the guy. He was bigger, younger, and sober, But I still kicked his ass downstairs, he ran up to his room. He then started to talk about, not giving the old drunk, me, a break if I didn’t leave the house. I took that as a challenge, so up the stairs I went. Michele was yelling in my ear to stop, I’m not sure who she was trying to protect. Any way I kicked his door down and then kicked ass down the stairs again, out of the door he went. Again Michele was yelling for me to get out, that I had screwed up her place to live, and sure as hell she was not joining me on the streets. I left.
For your information, homeless in the winter in Wisconsin really sucks. I would stay in the men’s shelter when I could and when I could stand it, it smelled very badly in there. But you could only stay in the shelter for 45 days per year. So I slept outside in the winter, where I slept, I was at least protected from, the snow, wind. But not the cold.
After about a year and a half, my Aunt tracked me down. She knew what I was, but still would not let me stay on the streets, so she put me up in a very cheap hotel. I was warm and dry; I even had a TV to stare at while drinking... Now Michele wanted to move in with me, I had a place to live. I let myself be convinced that she had been with the landlord, so that she had a place to live. And how much better a lover I was and what a little dick he had, and she wanted nothing more in this world than for us to get back together. FYI, it was not the first time I had caught her. You must remember that I was the lowest piece of shit on earth; I knew very well what I was.
Anyway I took her back. Because I’m sure you know, any love is better than no love,
We were in the motel for about six months, really just drinking.