I Spy With My Little Heart by Kiki XoXo (pdf e book reader TXT) 📕

Blaire's POV

I'm being dragged. A rough and dry hand is covering my mouth. My eyes are wide, but all I can see are cars parked and nonmoving. I can't scream, I can't break free. I know what happens next. Something I will never... no... something I can never forget. I hear hear a  vehicle door open, and I get shoved inside. Still not fast enough to turn arond and look at his face. His quiet whisper, and words etched into me like an annoying song on repeat. His last word always gets me, every time.

"...Blaire."

Sitting up feeling the sweat drip down my forehead, I shove my comforter off and throw on my training clothes. No matter how many times I have that same exact freaking nightmare, I still wake up drowning in sweat. In fact, that damn thing occurs so often that I know exactly when I'll wake up, and I have a system for what I do after I wake up. Change into clean clothes, and run. More like sprint and get the anger and tension out, but in general I get up and put the anger into something like I was told to do. Walking through the halls, to get to the outdoor training center my mind slowly calms and starts to wonder. I wonder what everyone else is doing right now? More then likely still sleeping. 

Stepping outside into the fresh air helps tremendously. I stretch out, taking a minute. Then I take off sprinting, thinking about what I would do diffferently in that situation. It's horrible. I already have to deal with it being one of my memories, but it haunts me almost everynight in my sleep even. Running as fast as I can I speed through the forest area we use for target practice. Jumping over fallen logs and dodging bushes gives it more of an edge.  It complicates the running part of it. Barely missing a bush, I let out a breath feeling good. Then the root appears.

I tumble forward with a groan, it's always that stuck up root that gets me. This is the fourth time I've tripped and everytime it's been because of that thing. I stay on the ground, taking in the pain. I like it more then my memories. I hear footsteps, coming and I sit up wondering who else would be out here this early. My neck hurts slightly from the fast movement, but I ignore it and get up on my toes ready to jump into the tree beside me if I need to.

"Well.. if it isn't little bunny." Crash smirks, appearing in front of me. His smile is eager and questioning. "Whatcha doing way out here this early?"

"I could ask you the same thing.." I sigh wipping dirt and grass off myself as I stand up. Crash, is one of the managers. He used to be mine in fact. I was reassigned after Mr. Wahl's noticed Crash paid a little to much attention to me. Even now that I'm not one of his marks he stills pays attention to me. I hate it. Normally there are more people around when we do see each other, but now it's just us. Alone, outside early in the morning.

"Ah little bu-"

"Don't call me that. You know I don't like it." I growl sternly. I never used to stand up to him like I am now, but I'm not scared of him anymore.

"There's that little temper I miss it so much." He smiles, walking over to me. "What have you been up to? Anything good? Or is Luke still keeping you locked up tight?" They way he says it makes Luke sound like a pedophile, and it just makes me angerier.

"It's none of your business." I reply, trying to keep my temper down. The last thing I want to do is boost his ego by letting him know he is getting under my skin. I'm just happy he didn't see me trip, if he had I'd never hear the end of it!

"Ah my little bunny defending Smith now? I'll have to tell him, I'm sure he'll be happy to hear."  He keeps getting closer, but I stand my ground. I role my eyes not in the mood for any of his crap.  "Well... I guess you are out here, so your leash must be loosening."

"Leave me alone Crash." I mumble turning away, not wanting to get picked on anymore. The longer I sit here and talk to him the more he'll get ideas and that's not needed this morning.

"Come on Blaire." He grabs my wrist. "You know I've been waiting to get you alone for a long time." He says pulling on my arm. I scoff in disgust, knowing what he means. Managers aren't aloud to have any type of physical or romantic relationship with there marks, and that's why I was assigned to a different manager. According to Mr. Wahls when a manager and a mark have any type of relationship like that the manager shows favoritism, and it might cloud there judgement during a mission. Which happened with Crash and I. He favored me, out of his  four other girls and he tried to get with me physically. Mr. Wahls noticed Crash's little infatuation with me, so him thinking that taking me away would diminish the feeling he changed my manager to Luke. Now, Crash and I can have any type of relationship. Of course I don't want any type of relationship with him, but like I said his ego blinds him from that. He thinks I'm playing hard to get.

"Let me go." I say. I watch his eyes, and they flicker with amusement and joy.

"But why?" He smirks, and pulls me into him. "You know you want me to." He sighs cockily.  The last time we were this close we were hiding in a closet during a mission. He made a pass at me then to. He is 6'4, and built like a profesional football player. He towers over my 5'6 height, and my stealthy ninja build. There is no way for me to break his grip, and my arms are pinned at my sides by his one arm wrapped around my waste holding me against him. "You're 18 now too."  he whispers in my ear. My body shivers, and I feel panic strike in my stomach. I just turned 18, last week. I always had the feeling my age was holding him back. Back when I was his mark, I was only 16, and he was 20. He must be around 22 now.

"Let me go, Crash." I say one more time. I wish I could at least fight back, but it would be worthless. A waste of energy.

"Little bunny, you're so tempting though." He smirks looking down at me, and I just role my eyes. "Just one?" He asks, and I lean away from him but it doesn't help. I turn my head just in time, and his kisses my cheek. He doesn't say anything about it, instead he just moves his lips down to my neck.

"Crash I mean it!" I say, but my voice shakes. My panic showing. He reluctantly lets go of me and I back away from him.

"Ahh... I supposed we should get back it's breakfast time." he sighs, looking at his watch.

"I can get there by myself." I turn and start walking back towards the center. I know he follows me, I can hear him. I don't comment on it though, I know he wont listen. I'm guessing I'm lucky he actually let me go.

"So how is Luke doing now a day anyways?" He asks, walking beside me.

"Mr. Smith," I begin. "I don't know... good maybe?" I hate talking about Luke. It brings color to my cheeks and gives me butterflies. I've been with him now for two years, and I'm partly sure I'm in love with him. I was actually his first mark, and damn is he hot! He has blnde hair and brown eyes, and he has a strong jaw with high cheek bones. He is just 6'0 and he  doesn't look like a wrestler or football player, but he has tight muscles. He didn't treat me like a mark at all, he still doesn't, he is a friend. When doing our training he trains with us, and he actually talks to us like we're people and not below him. He tells jokes and stories, and he is nice. The first couple of months with him, the two of us bonded almost. We tell each other everything, and we completely trust each other. We have the perfect manager and mark relationship. Accept, my feelings are a little more... a lot more then that. Every once in a while I get the feeling he feels the same, but I know it's not true. That's one thing I know for a fact. He loves his job and takes it seriously. And managers and marks can't be in any type of relationship like that.

"Yeah sure..." He sighs, he knows that I have feeling for Luke. That's not a good thing at all, because all he has to do is tell Mr. Wahls and Luke and I would get seperated, and Luke might get demoted. I don't want that. I haven't ever actually told Crash about my feelings but I know he has his theories.

"Why don't you just ask him?" I sigh, as we leave the forest area. I know the answer of course. Luke and Crash don't get along. Part of it is Crash hates how I like Luke more then him. Crash is jealous of him, because almost everyone likes Luke better even though Crash has been here longer. Luke is like I said still somewhat new. He himself was a mark up until the time I came here.

"Ahh little bunny I do miss you." He sighs, with a smile drapping an arm over my shoulder. "When is your next assignment?" He asks. I shrug out from under his arm, and shrug my shoulders.  "I remember seeing you in action. Damn you lit up like a fire, always brave and ready. I wish I could see you in action." He says, and by his tone I can tell he genuinily means it. He moves his arm to where it was around my shoulders, and I give up trying to get it off.

"I guess you did train me well." I admit. That is the one thing he did do right. He pushed me, and was forceful with me, but I needed it. Back then I needed that structure, I was all over the place after what had happened. He didn't ever pity me, or at least he didn't show it if he did and I loved that. That's something I will always be greatful to him for, but I wont tell him that.  Of course, Luke is a good trainer too. Luke is a little softer, but he still pushes us to do our best.

"I just knew what you were capable of." He says, and we enter the center. I take his arm off of my shoulders again, because I don't want people seeing that, because everyone will get the wrong ideas. He just puts it back though, and I role my eyes. "I've noticed you don't go out nearly as much anymore."  he whispers, and I don't do anything. I don't know how to reply. What he said is right. I just don't know why. "He doesn't think you're strong enough... what bullshit."

"Mr. Smith knows more then you give him credit for." I mumble, slowing down. We're getting closer to the cafeteria. I really wish Crash would just get over all of this.

"Obviously not. He keeps opting you out, when you're the best mark we have right now. He knows