A Deal With The Devil by Sophie J Brain (best ereader for academics TXT) 📕

He heard Caroline gasp from behind him but his eyes never left Jen’s as she slowly nodded and started to cry. He took her in his arms and held her tightly, he wanted to make it all go away. The man had tormented her childhood and Will would not let him torment her adulthood as well. She was worth so much more than she gave herself credit for. She was worth the world.

“Mum?” Caroline walked forward “he raped you?”

Jen moved away from Will and sat back down in the arm chair. She had never felt so small in her whole life. Why did Phil have to come back? Why couldn’t she be worthy of love? What made her such a bad person?

“I deserved it” she whispered “I treated him terribly when I was younger.”

“No one deserved to get raped” Caroline asked “what did you do when you were younger?”

Jen shook her head “you are too young.”

“I’m fourteen” Caroline argued “they taught us all about sex and rape in school. What happened?”

“Caroline, it’s nothing” Jen insisted “I hurt him a long time ago, that’s all.”

“You never did anything to him” Will burst out “he exploited you!”

Silence descended upon the room and all three of them looked at each other. Jen bit her lip and looked away towards the wall. How could Will say that she was the one who had been wronged? She had been the one who had hurt Phil not the other way around.

“Mum, when did you know him?” Caroline asked slowly before glancing cautiously at Will. He realised that she had guessed what had happened to Jen.

“I met him when I was thirteen” Jen replied “we had a relationship and I hurt him.”

Caroline looked at Will again before kneeling down next to the arm chair and taking Jen’s hands. Will took a step back, aware that mother and daughter needed a moment to themselves.

“Mum, how did you hurt him?” Caroline asked.

Jen tried not to flinch at her daughter’s gentle touch. She hadn’t wanted to tell Caroline about what had happened but it seemed the circumstances beyond her control were making it all come out. She smiled softly “I started sleeping with his friends, I thought that that was what he wanted but it wasn’t. He told me that he had been waiting for me to defy him and refuse. He told me that I broke his heart.”

“Is he my dad?” Caroline asked.

Jen closed her eyes and shook her head “I don’t know, it could have been any of them.”

Caroline nodded “I understand. You don’t really think you are to blame do you?”

“He loved me until I did that” Jen murmured.

“But you were thirteen” Caroline argued “and he was surely in his thirties by then. You must see that he exploited you.”

Jen looked at her daughter in surprise then turned to Will. They had both said used that word, ‘exploited’ it sounded awful. Not the word she would have used to describe the love he had had for her.

“Mum?” Caroline asked.

Jen shook her head and stood up as tears started falling down her cheeks. Did they think she couldn’t see how it looked to an outsider? She wasn’t stupid but she had been on inside and she had seen how hurt Phil had been. “He said when I became pregnant that was a whore” she cried “he always knew it but I started to forgot my place and he saw that so he made damn sure that I would remember. That is why he raped me.”

“Mum, you are in denial” Caroline argued “think about it, if, deep down, you knew it was your fault then why did you want me to be with him on my own? You knew he was a risk and you had to protect me. Deep down, you know what he really did to you.”

The earth around Jen shattered as she turned around to compose herself. Why did something so simple have such an effect on her? She felt like the truth had hit on her the head.

“No” she shook her head as confusion filled her mind “no it was my fault.”

Will walked forward “you know it’s not.”

“Don’t you understand?” Jen cried as she turned around “don’t you understand that it has to be my fault? Because if it wasn’t, if I wasn’t always meant to turn out this way, then that means if I had been ten seconds earlier or ten seconds later then none of it would happened and that’s too much to bear.”

Will put his arm around her as she started to cry and suddenly everything made sense in her mind. All the confusion was gone and all that was left was the starling reality of what had happened to her.

“It wasn’t my fault” she sobbed “it wasn’t my fault.”

Chapter Fourteen

A few days later. Jen has reported Phil to the police, who were as helpful as they could be, on the way back she stops in at her mother’s house.

Her mother was surprised to see her; truthfully Jen wasn’t sure why she decided to visit her childhood home. She didn’t usually go to the house in case she saw Colin but on the way back from the police station she had felt the urge to go there.

Her mother, Constance Stark, showed her into the lounge and sat down in the arm chair. Jen sat down on the adjoining sofa and smiled softly, suddenly unsure what to say.

She cleared her throat “how have you been?”

“Fine” Constance replied.

Jen swallowed, her mother had always been something of hard woman to talk to. She was usually cold without meaning to be and that tended to make Jen not want to talk to her.

“I know you and Caroline are close” Jen finally murmured finding the words only moments before speaking them “but from now on she can’t come here, if you want to see her than you need to come to our house.”

“What have you said to her?” Constance asked “why the sudden change?”

“She doesn’t want to come to the house anymore in case she sees Colin” Jen replied “I have to respect her feelings in the matter.”

Something flickered over Constance’s face that Jen could not read. After giving birth to Caroline, Jen had made strict orders that Colin was not to be left alone with her. She doubted her mother had forgotten the conversation.

“What has Colin done to her?” Constance asked.

“It wasn’t anything he done to her” Jen answered softly “it was what he has done to me.”

Constance raised her eyebrows as she stood to get herself a drink. Jen’s eyes followed her as she sat back down. “Tell me what you came here to say.”

“We used to be close” Jen murmured “then dad died and I don’t know what happened. Did you really not notice or were you simply choosing to be blind to it all? I mean you must have noticed something surely?”

“Jennifer, please, what is this all about?”

“The last few days have been hard for me and I have been thinking about a lot. I have been thinking about my childhood a lot.” Jen stood and walked to the window “It has taken me fifteen years to accept it but Colin exploited me and used me.”

“What are you talking about?” her mother demanded “why are you saying these things?”

Jen turned around “because it’s true and please don’t act so surprised. Did you never think about the identity of Caroline’s father?”

“A boy at school you said” Constance replied.

“Oh please” Jen scoffed “that’s what Colin said not me, the truth is I don’t know who her father is and it could even be Colin.”

“No” her mother murmured.

“Yes!” Jen shot back “I was groomed when I was thirteen by a man named Phil, he made me prostitute myself and when Colin found out he took advantage and made me do the same.”

Constance shook her head “No, Jennifer, stop saying these things.”

“I can’t change what happened mother” Jen snapped “I won’t back down from the truth any longer. Colin used me for sex, he could be Caroline’s father I don’t know, and Caroline doesn’t want to be around him anymore and I have to respect her wishes.”

“And what about me?” Constance asked “surely you don’t hold me responsible.”

Jen raised her eyebrows “I just wish I knew what happened to you after dad died. I know Colin gave you want you needed but what about what I needed? I needed you.”

“You had me” Constance insisted.

“No I didn’t” Jen replied as she walked back from the window and looked at her mother “you were always on pain pills or sleeping pills or away on holiday. I can’t fault how you have been to Caroline but I lost you the day dad died and you know it. You were looking for something I couldn’t give you and Colin could. I don’t blame you for what happened but I can’t forgive Colin for exploiting me. He knew what was happening and he used it to his advantage. I can’t make you believe and quite honestly it doesn’t bother me if you do.” Jen started to leave but stopped and turned around again “Colin gave you love, a love I couldn’t give you, as well as security and money. I know why you clung onto him and maybe you one day you will see that I am telling the truth and leave. You know where we are if you need us.”

Jen left the house and turned around one more time with a pensive sigh before she started walking back to her flat. It had been a roller-coaster of a week and she was glad it was relatively over. She and Will started their new jobs that following Monday and she couldn’t wait. At last she would be appreciated for her work.

She hadn’t told her mother about the police or that she had told them everything, including Colin’s part in her exploitation. She would find out when the police went to speak with him after conducting an investigation.

Jen smiled as the wind rustled through her hair and instead of going home she decided to take a stroll. For the first time in fifteen years she felt at peace with her life. She was still surprised it had taken her so long to see what had happened to her clearly. Once she had admitted the truth to herself it had all made so much sense.

She blinked as she realised she had walked near her old school. How many days had she rushed out of there desperate to see Phil? She shuddered at thought. She had been so in love with him and it had all been lies. That had been the hardest thing to accept. The fact that everything he had said had been a lie, that the feelings he had professed had all been false.

Over half of her life had been dictated by something that had never been there in the first place. How could anything be so cruel?

With renewed determination she turned around and walked towards Phil’s