I Hate You (On-Hold) by Chloe Knox (great reads txt) 📕

I asked into the school’s phone not sure of what she’d say. I hoped to god she’d say yes. I needed a girl’s night, just me and Nicki. I used to hang out with her all the time, but lately I haven’t been able too. Around her I’m happy, and I miss the happy me.
I heard a sigh from the other end of the phone that made the speaker crackle, “Yeah? What you want?”
“Nicki said that her parents wanted me over for dinner tonight, since I haven’t seen them in awhile?”
“Don’t beat around the bush, Tanya. Just fuckin ask what you want to ask?” My mother growled through the phone so loudly that the teacher walking by me heard it. I turned around to meet the skinny teacher’s face and I blushed as I mouthed a ‘hi’. They gave me a sympathetic look, and walked away. He didn’t ask me what was going on. He didn’t ask me if I was okay. He just gave me a look, and walked off never once looking back.
“Can I stay for dinner at Nicki’s?” I mumbled.
There was another loud sigh that showed evidence of her being annoyed, angry; you know the norm!
“How long are you gonna be there?”
“I don’t know, nine at the latest I guess.”
“Is that boy gonna be there?”
“Boy? What boy?”
“Don’t act dumb, you fucking smart-ass!”
I went agape as tears began to form. I wasn’t upset, I was just that angry. She always thought I was lying to her. She always thought I was purposely being a “bitch”. I seriously didn’t know what she was talking about, and for her to call me a smart-ass because of that? It’s so unfair! She calls me out on everything! Even stuff I never did, yet I can’t say one thing to offend her or I’m the one that’s gets slapped in the face!
“I’m not being a smart-ass. I’m just saying I don’t know who you’re talking about!”
“That Billie, guy? The girls brother?”
“You mean Brandon?”
“See? You do know him, you fucking ungrateful son of a—“
Tears began overflowing over my cheeks, my lips were quivering, my legs were shaking, and my heart was beating roughly against my chest. I couldn’t breathe a steady breath; every breath I took was shaky and uncomfortable to take in.
“Mom! I swear I’m not lying! I didn’t know who you were talking about until you said Nicki’s brother.”
“Whatever! He’s gonna be there?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t he—“
“And you still want to go?”
That caught me off guard. I was confused, and overwhelmed, and had no clue what she meant. What did she mean ‘You still want to go’? Why wouldn’t I?
“Yeah,” I said slowly not wanting to anger my mother, and knowing that if I said the wrong thing she’d flip.
“So you want to hang out with your friend even though a boy that’s older then you is going to be there? Are you crazy? What if he—“
“Mom! No! Brandon, he might be full of himself but he’s nothing like that. Besides, it’s not like I’m sleeping over. It’s just dinner.”
“Yeah? That’s how they all are! You wanna know how I lost my virginity?”
“No, mom! Don’t!”
More tears began to pour from my eyes as a weird feeling hit me in my gut. I knew what was coming. I knew what she was going to say, and I didn’t want to hear it. I already knew the story, and she always used it against me.
“I was drugged, Tanya! I was drugged and raped! I awoke to a fucking douche bag climbing off of my naked body, and you want to know who it was? You want to know who fucking raped me?”
“Mom! Stop it!” I whispered through tears as my mother began to grow louder to the point where the lady (Miss. Ravens) in the office was staring at me. I didn’t like it. It made me feel so much more uncomfortable then I all ready was, “Please, I’m using the school phone. The teachers can hear everything your saying—“
“I don’t give a fuck, what they hear. They can go shove it! You need to hear this—“ even though I all ready have millions of times “—I was raped by a guy who I thought was my best, and I mean BEST, friend. He took away the only innocent thing about me!”
“Mom! Please!”
“So if you want to, whatever! Got to Nicki’s! I don’t care! Call me when you want your father to pick you up!”
“Wait! Mom! I just want to—“Click!
She hung up on me leaving me in the dark, eyes and cheeks soaked with tears and my heart full of hurt, “I love you,” I mumbled as I hung up the phone grabbed my back and…“Are you okay, sweetie?”
I looked up at Miss. Raven, her glasses on the tip of her pixie nose and her eyes fixed on me. I quickly wiped my wet cheeks and smiled, “Excuse me?”
“I said are you okay?”
I hesitated for a moment to swallow the wetness in the back of my mouth, “Um…yeah! I’m-I’m fine.”
Miss. Raven nodded—even though it was clear that she knew I was lying—and pushed her glasses back up to her eyes, “Well…have a good day…”
With a smile I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked out of the school’s office, but the moment I passed through the door and into the empty school hall way I again began to cry.

Chapter Six: Leave Me Alone

Brandon’s P.O.V.

“Tanya told me about how you read her sketchpad…”
I looked up at my little sister from my laptop and rolled my eyes, “So…”
“She also told me how you said she should see a shrink—“
“I was just trying to help her—“
“And you seriously think telling her to see a shrink was the best thing? I mean, really Brandon? The first thing that pops into her head when you say shrink is crazy! So now not only is she depressed, she thinks she’s crazy! Why couldn’t you just let her be?”
I was starting to feel a bit angry. I shut my laptop and stood up, to stand over her, “Why aren’t you trying to help her?” I glared down on her hoping she’d back down. I never like fighting with Nicki, but she needs to see that I’m not wrong this time.
I was very surprised and impressed, though, when she didn’t back down like she usually did, “I am trying to help her!”
“No you’re not! You’re sitting there and letting your best friend suffer in silence! How can you live with yourself knowing that you’re not doing anything to help her? At least I tried to talk to her and tell her what I thought would be good for her!”
Tears made her eyes go glassy, but she didn’t let them fall over her cheeks. She held them in, and I couldn’t help but feel guilty for making her feel that way. I just couldn’t control my anger…I don’t even know what exactly I’m so angry about. I swear sometimes I think that boys have non-official periods too.
“I have talked to her! I have told her what I thought was best! But there’s nothing I can do! All of her emotions and the cutting? I don’t understand them! I wish I could help her, and I have tried…but I just can’t.”
There was a very long silence as I watched my sister cry. Never once had I even thought how she was feeling.
Nicki, she was always obnoxiously loud and happy. She was always laughing or being a goof-ball. She’s never, EVER been depressed…so how was she supposed to help Tanya? How am I supposed to?
“What do you do then…?”
Nicki giggled through her tears as she wiped her wet cheeks, “I ignore it.”
“You ignore her pain? That’s how you help her?” My anger was rekindling, but her response confused me so much that the anger disappeared as quickly as it had come.
“Yup.”
There was another long silence before she continued, “I don’t ask her about her pain. I don’t even ever mention the scars and cuts. I just ignore them. When she comes to me upset I embrace her, encourage her to get all her feelings out…and then we got out to the park, or we go rollerblading, or to the movies…I do whatever I can to get her mind off of whatever it is that upset her. I do whatever I can to make her laugh.”
I thought for a while about what my sister was saying. And to me what she said made sense. It would never take away her hurt, or her emotional trauma…but Tanya could be herself and have fun for a while. No worried, no regrets, just her and Nicki.
“Brandon, I know you like her—“
“I don’t like—“
“Don’t even try it.” I shut my mouth immediately and listened to my sister, “I might be younger and more gullible then you, but I’m still your little sister. I still know you. I knew you liked her the day I brought her home for the first time. That’s why you ignored her, correct? At first she seemed like just another annoying pest, but then you got to know her a bit. Then you started dating Natalie and you’re too big of a horn dog to control yourself.”
I shot her a glare as I crossed my arms.
“Relax, I’m just saying.”
“Just get on with it already, Nicole!”
“Like I was saying, I know you like her…but you need to understand that the last thing she needs is more heartbreak. Don’t start anything with her unless you know for absolute sure that you’re not going to be a complete jerk and you need to be sure that you just don’t like her because of her cute ass and face.
“You need to be able to stand up for her against your friends and you need to be able to deal with the rumors that would be spread if you hung out with her.”
“Yes, Dr. Phil!” I sighed as I hoped back onto my bed.
“I’m serious, Brandon! If you start stuff with her and then toss her off your shoulder a few weeks later because you’re tired of her, you’re just going to make her even more depressed.”
The realization of all my past girlfriends suddenly hit me. Becky, Jamie, Rebecca, Natalie? All of them, I liked…for about a month tops. Each one I had dated because of their looks, not because I liked their personalities. And when I was bored, I’d just throw them away. Would I just end up doing the same to Tanya?


Tanya’s P.O.V.

Tears were pouring down my eyes as I listened through Brandon’s closed bedroom door. I could hear everything he and Nicki were saying. EVERYTHING!
I never realized that Nicki was hurting a bit herself. I never realized that she felt guilty about not being able to comfort me