I Hate You (On-Hold) by Chloe Knox (great reads txt) 📕

completely, but now I knew. The tone in her voice and the way she spoke made that evident. She sounded like she was crying.
…and then I heard, “Brandon, I know you like her,” and I ran downstairs to wait for Nicki on the living room couch.
The tears had stopped pouring, and my guilt for making Nicki feel guilty had faded a bit. Now, I was just too surprised at that last sentence; “I know you like her…”
Did he? I mean I’ll admit, he’s a gorgeous guy and he’s smart, funny…but he’s a huge player and only does stuff for self-benefit. He does stuff when he gets something in return.
So do I think he’s hot?
Hell yeah!
Do I like him?
I don’t know!
I don’t think so…
“Hey hun! How was school?” I heard Mr. Rivers ask as he walked out of the kitchen and into the living room. I wiped the tears quickly off my cheeks and plastered a fake smile on my face, “Oh, it was fine. Thanks for asking, Mr. Rivers.”
“For the last time, Tanya, call me John.”
I nodded, “Thanks…John.”
“Well dinner’s ready, you want to go get Brandon and Nicki or shall I?”
“Ummmmm…I think it’d be best if you get them. I’ll go help your wife in the kitchen.”

Chapter Seven: Fears Confirmed

Tanya’s P.O.V.

“Need any help?”
I looked over my shoulder to see Brandon. His straight brown hair was dangling in his eyes, hands shoved in his pockets.
I sighed, rolled my eyes, and glared, “No, I don’t need your help. I don’t need anyone’s help…especially a shrink’s.”
He was talking about the dishes which I had offered to do after dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Rivers, but I was talking about…you know…my cutting thing.
I ignored Brandon and I shoved both my hands back into the hot soapy water to find the last of the dirty silverware.
“Okay I’m sorry about that whole shrink thing. I swear I don’t think you’re crazy, but—“that word ‘but’ immediately infuriated me. It meant he was going to say something that I didn’t like…I was right “—you really do need to talk to somebody.”
I tossed the clean fork that I had been scrubbing back into the fluffy soapy water and turned to Brandon, “Look! I understand that you’re trying to help the poor emo girl, but save your sympathy for someone that wants it, okay?”
Brandon didn’t waver. He just crossed his arms and stood his ground, “You need help, Tanya.”
“Why? Why do I need help? What do you think I am? Crazy? Sick?” I growled as I grabbed the counter top behind me and squeezed. A sharp pain shot up my hand as the edge of the counter dug into my palm. it didn't brake the skin and draw blood, but it was enough pain to take awau some of my anger and frustration.
Brandon sighed and rolled his eyes. He didn’t know what to say. I could tell just by looking at his face. I was ticking him off…good.
“Tanya, I—“
“If you really want to help me Brandon, leave me alone. Stop following me at school. Stop bringing it up. Just stop! You don’t know me, and you don’t know what my life is like! I don’t need help! I just need people to stay out of my business!”
“What is wrong with you?” Brandon whispered with a smirk! He was actually smiling. What the hell?
Who the hell did he think he was? He had no right! What’s so funny about this anyway? What’s so funny about a girl hating herself so much to the point of self-destruction? What’s so funny about a mother not loving her own child?
“What is wrong with me? What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” I asked on the verge of tears. He had no right to judge me, or laugh at me. He doesn’t live my life. He has a happy family that loves him. He doesn’t know what it’s like.
“This morning you were okay with opening up to me, and now you’re just being a bitch.”
I went agape. Seriously? You tell your sister you want to help me, and then you call me a bitch? What the heck are you doing?!
“Nobody’s going to help you if you act all bipolar like this.”
“For the last time, Brandon, I don’t want your help. I don’t need a shrink, and I don’t need a self-absorbed hockey player to tell me what to do. You don’t know what it’s like to be me. You don’t know what it’s like to live with my mother—“
“See! You just proved my point.”
I froze, confused.
“If you didn’t want help, you wouldn’t have just let the fact that you were upset about your mother slip out so easily.”
I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn’t. I hadn’t really said that, had I? I hadn’t mentioned my mother?
“I never said that I was upset at my mother.”
“You didn’t flat out say ‘I’m upset with my mom’. But you’re on the verge of crying and you did say ‘You don’t know what it’s like to live with my mother’.”
No! I hadn’t seriously…crap! No he, for sure, wasn’t going to leave me alone! He was going to go on and on about my life till I exploded.
I closed my eyes and tried to hold back the tears that were now stinging my vision, and squeezed. The faint palm in my hands increase, but only the slightest bit. My heart was pounding, my breathes were getting quicker and quicker, and then…I felt a hand on mine. It was Brandon’s.
Slowly and carefully I felt his fingers intertwine in mine as he pulled them away from the counter. Then I felt is warm breath on my lips and my eyes burst open, “Wha-what are you doing?”
Brandon looked at me, his brown eyes darker than normal, but not black. He seemed hurt or worried, “Tanya…I…”
“Brandon?” I asked with a frown not sure how to react. He was holding my hands to his chest with a faint smile, and I was on the verge of tears because he won’t stop bringing up my cutting. That’s the only reason I had agreed to come tonight, I thought I’d be able to escape my mother for a few more hours, “I…like you…Tanya. I have for a while. And I just don’t understand how you can act like…what you’re doing to yourself, is no big deal.”
I stood still and motionless, not sure what to do or say. One single tear rolled over my cheek, to my lips. I took a quick breath through my mouth to swallow the nasty and salty wetness from the single tear.
Brandon lifted his hand to my cheek, and I innately winced thinking of the hard to forget yet rare times that my mother had back handed me. Brandon hesitated for a moment, but then quickly brush a strand of my black hair past my ear that had fallen out of my ponytail.
I looked into his eyes, and I bit my lip not sure of what to do. His eyes were a dark brown that showed a deep emotion that I didn't understand. Looking into those eyes, despite myself, I felt warm and safe, I guess. I wanted to trust him. I wanted to tell him what my life was like. I wanted to tell him of my pain and hurt, and I wanted him to help me...but he doesn't know me like Nicki, and even she can't help me...so how could he.
Brandon took a step into me, slowly to give me plenty of time to object and push him away. I just stood still. Part of me wanted this, and another part was telling me to run. Run and never look back. I felt confused, yet hopeful, and I knew I couldn't afford to think that way. Why are you even risking this, Tanya, I scolded myself, You're such an idiot! You know what kind of a guy Brandon is! Why are you risking it.
Brandon's lips brushed mine, and nothing was no longer in slow motion. I wanted this, but I couldn't let it happen. I just couldn't. i'd be setting my self up for failure and for more(like Nicki had said)heartbreak.
"Brandon?"
"Yea," he whispered against my mouth without pulling back to look at me or anything. He didn't progress forward, though. he just stood still and motionless, like me.
I slowly shook my head, "I...I can't..."
"Can't what? Just say the words and I'll back up."
I pulled back to look at Brandon, in his eyes. Did he think this was a game? Is that all he thought I was? A game? Well he's not going to win me. He's going to have to try way harder then this.
"I can't do this." I whispered suddenly feeling played or used.
Brandon sighed in dislike, but he did pull away. He took a few steps back, and then shoved his hands back into his pockets. I leaned against the kitchen sink, hands going back to the edge of the kitchen counter.
"Tanya...are you-"
Ding! Dong!
I practically ran out of the kitchen when I heard the doorbell. My father was here to drive me home. Never had I ever been happier to leave Nicki's house.

Imprint

Publication Date: 01-22-2012

All Rights Reserved

Dedication:
Dedication - to my circle of BESTIES: Hannah Stertzel, Peyton Keller, and last but not least Danielle Zubar. I love my little threesome for all eternity and hope that our friendship will always prolong through the drama and depression that comes along with life.