Voids Fill Up Differently by Students of IACT (books for students to read txt) 📕

Shawn sighed and said “Nevermind lah, I need your help. I’m broke now so can you lend me some money, please? I’ll pay you back, don’t worry.”

Chin Jian laughed sarcastically. “Uhm… No...” he said.

Shawn was taken aback at his reply and said, “Huh? What do you mean? I’ve helped you so many times with your rent, you can’t help me this one time?”

Chin Jian rolled his eyes. “Why would I even want to help you? It won’t benefit me also,” he said selfishly.

Shawn could not believe what he had just heard and his jaw tightened. “You serious?” he huffed. “Aren’t friends supposed to help each other? Why are you being so selfish I-”

“You know what ah? I’ve had enough of this bullshit. I’ve had enough of YOUR bullshit”, Chin Jian interrupted as he wanted to avoid Shawn’s never-ending questions.

Shawn’s forehead furrowed and his brows knitted. “Eh, where is all of this coming from? I’ve been nothing but nice to you okay.”

“Please lah you’re only nice to me ‘cause Rebecca broke your tiny little heart”, Chin Jian mockingly said to him and laughed. The name he had mentioned triggered something in Shawn and it took him back to a year ago when the break up happened. He remembered everything that happened like it was yesterday.

It was their two year anniversary. Shawn was at home and got all snazzed up for the special occasion. He was looking at himself in the mirror as he tightened the red tie on top of his silky smooth black button-up shirt that he had paired with a pair of simple black slacks and some black formal shoes. The next thing you know he was making his way to Rebecca’s apartment. Humming to the tune of “Best Part” by Daniel Caesar. He had a huge bouquet of red roses in one hand and a box filled with all her favourite chocolate bars in another, wanting to surprise her and take her out for a fancy dinner to celebrate. Rebecca had given him an extra set of keys to her apartment so he let himself in. The stuff he was carrying immediately fell from his grip as soon as he walked through the wooden door frame of her bedroom. His jaw dropped.

“Babe, who the hell is this?!” Shawn yelled at Rebecca when he saw her kissing another guy on her bed. He rushed over to the bed and dragged the guy by his collar and pushed him against the wall.

Rebecca wailed, “No, Shawn! Don’t! Let him go!”

Shawn pulled the guy’s collar even tighter and said to him, “You better get out of here now and never come back before I whack the shit out of you.” The guy scrambled away from Shawn after he let go of his collar, quickly gathered his stuff and ran out the door.

“Shit, Shawn. Was that really necessary? You need to chill, oh my gosh,” said Rebecca as she rolled her eyes while plopping onto her bed and going on her phone.

Shawn put his hand to his forehead and started rubbing it as though he was having a headache. He looked at her with disbelief and said, “Really Rebecca? That’s all you have to say ah? Is there nothing you want to explain?” She looked up at him from her phone and shrugged.

“Wow, I can’t believe you would do this to me. ON OUR ANNIVERSARY!” You could hear the anger in his voice. A tear coursed down his cheek but he immediately wiped it off with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Oh grow up, Shawn,” Rebecca grunted. “Things happen. People change and they move on,” she said and continued going on her phone pretending as though what happened wasn’t a big deal at all.

Shawn said to her, “You know what, you’re right. We’re...” He paused for a second. He didn’t want to say it but he knew that it was for the best. “Done,” he said to her. Shawn turned his back and left. He could hear the faint sound of Rebecca calling out for him as he left her apartment. As much as he wanted to turn around and go back to her, he continued walking and didn’t look back.

He had been depressed ever since that night. He locked himself in his apartment and would never leave the house. No matter how mad he was at Rebecca for cheating on him, he was heartbroken that he had lost his lover. Their breakup was the worst thing that has ever happened to him and it led him to one of the darkest moments in life, moments he never thought he would ever have to go through.

“Helloooo… Oi Shawn...” A faint familiar voice said, interrupting his memory and he snapped back to reality.

“I’m not done talking okay,” Chin Jian said as he waved and snapped his fingers in Shawn’s face. Shawn raised his eyebrows and nodded. “I’m not giving you any money so get lost please,” said Chin Jian as he turned his back and was about to leave.

“Eh, wait!” Shawn said as he grabbed him by the shoulder. Chin Jian stopped and turn. You could tell by the look on his face that he was annoyed but still had a little more patience left to hear what Shawn had to say.

Shawn said to him, “I gave you money for your rent awhile ago right? Just give that money back to me then I’ll go.”

“Uh… that money ah…” Chin Jian slurred his words. “It’s all gone,” he shrugged as he tugged on the strap of his sling bag. 

Shawn was struck with confusion and said, “W-What do you mean it’s all gone? I gave it to you like a week ago and your rent is not even due yet so how is it gone?!”

“Actually ah...” said Chin Jian as he awkwardly laughed while scratching his head. “I never needed money for rent...” Shawn still had a blank look on his face. He crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, indicating Chin Jian to explain himself.

“I moved back in with my parents already,” he said.

Shawn raised his voice at him, “SINCE WHEN?!” Shawn was so mad that you could see the fire in his eyes as he was fuming with anger. You could feel the tension in the air.

Chin Jian put his finger under his chin and thought to himself. “Hmm... Like 3 months ago,” he said and a sly smile formed on his face.

Shawn’s body became even more tense, his hands started balling up into a fist but he did not want to make a scene as they were out in public. He took a deep breath and he loosened his grip. You could see deep fingernail marks on the surface of his palm because of how tight he gripped his fist.

“If you moved back in with your parents already then why did you still ask me for money?” Shawn asked in a stern voice.

Chin Jian slowly circled around Shawn and said to him, “I don’t know… Maybe I bought things that I liked lah.”

“Don’t be so annoying can ah? What the hell did you spend my money on?” Shawn grabbed Chin Jian by the arm, stopping his movement and took one step closer to him.

Slight fear dawned upon Chin Jian’s face. “Okay okay,” he said as he put his hands up like he was surrendering himself to the police. “I bought drugs and alcohol,” he said under his breath.

“You talking to yourself or what? Talk louder lah!” Shawn yelled.

“I spent the money on drugs and alcohol lah, okay!?” Chin Jian yelled back but immediately looked around him to make sure no one heard him mention the word “drugs”.

Veins were popping out on Shawn’s forehead. He was furious. “Are you freaking kidding me ah, Chin Jian? How selfish could you be huh? Using MY hard-earned money to buy shit like that. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if you used the money to help your family but drugs and booze? Really? I can’t believe you would stoop this low. How could you-”

Chin Jian laughed. “Me? Stoop this low? Didn’t you have a little experiment with drugs and alcohol after your breakup also?” he said.

Shawn’s mind took him back to the period of time after his breakup with Rebecca. He locked himself in. He closed every single curtain in his home, not letting a single spot of light in, wanting to be alone in complete darkness. He was so depressed to the point where he barely ate and showered.

However, Shawn wasn’t always like this.

Before the breakup, Shawn was a happy-go-lucky kind of guy. You would never see him without a smile on his face. People loved being around him as he had such a charming and friendly personality. People smiled and waved at him everywhere he went. If you had met Shawn, you would think he was a walking bowl of sunshine but sadly, that all disappeared after the breakup.

All he could think about was Rebecca and the great chemistry they had together. All the history and memories turned to shit. He started going through all of the photos they took together, one by one he lit them on fire with a lighter and they soon turned to ashes. Tears started streaming down his face as the photos brought back a lot of memories, but he knew that he had to get rid of anything that tied back to their relationship. He had to get rid of everything that reminded him of her. He thought that by doing so, he’ll be able to move on. However, he still felt empty inside. Together with that, even though he got rid of all the physical things, the memories they made together still lingered in his head. As much as he tried to get her out of his head, he couldn’t because he still had feelings for her. He was heartbroken and alone. His depression had gotten so bad that he turned to drugs and alcohol in hopes to make him feel better but it had only made things worse as he started to get addicted to it.

Until one day, his friends, including Chin Jian, heard the news and came to visit to try and cheer him up. They noticed that Shawn had lost some weight because he hadn’t been eating properly so they made sure that he ate well and even stayed the night to keep him company. By spending time with his friends, Shawn was distracted and he stopped turning to drugs and alcohol. Slowly but surely, Chin Jian and his friends managed to help get his life back on track and got him out of his depressive state. It would take time for Shawn to get back to his old happy self but at least he was feeling better. He was so grateful to his friends for being there for him through the darkest time so he started putting his homies first before anyone else and did whatever he could to help them.

“That was a long time ago. I’ve been sober ever since then, thanks to you…” Shawn said and looked down at his feet. “What happened to THAT Chin Jian huh? The one that would always have your back. The one that was always so caring and-”

“Oh cut the sappy crap lah, Shawn. I stopped giving a shit about you ever since your breakup with Rebecca,” Chin Jian snapped at him.

“B-But I don’t understand. You and the guys were there for me the whole time what-” Shawn said as his lips trembled before being interrupted.

“Yeah lah! After your break up then only you started being nice to us. You became so naive and fragile so I took advantage of you,” Chin Jian said without even the slightest look of guilt on his face.

Shawn was completely shocked and confused by what he heard. Everything around him turned blurry and suddenly he was all alone with his thoughts. “Am I