Voids Fill Up Differently by Students of IACT (books for students to read txt) 📕

really that naive?” He thought to himself, “Did my best friend really just betray me and stole from me?” “Aren’t good things supposed to happen to good people?” “Out of all people, why me?” His mind was spinning with millions of thoughts and feelings. He was so overwhelmed that he lost his stability and almost fell back but he managed to catch himself. He felt as though he was stabbed in the back with a piercing and sharp knife by his own best friend who he knew since they were practically in diapers. “I thought we were best friends, Chin Jian? You were like a brother to me... I-I treated you like family…” he said as his eyes started to water.

`

“Family?” Chin Jian coughed out a laugh. “If you treated me like family then why did you betray me HUH?” he snapped.

“W-What? I never betrayed you also I-” Shawn was taken aback.

“Rebecca,” Chin Jian blurted out.

Shawn’s head tilted to the side, his brows drew together.

“You don’t remember ah? I had a crush on Rebecca FIRST and you stole her away from me…” A slight frown formed on Chin Jian’s face.

“I-I didn’t know, I thought you were over her by then…” Shawn said.

“No! You knew that I still had feelings for her and you still went behind my back! That’s why I took advantage of you. For revenge!” Chin Jian said angrily.

“Okay okay, I’m sorry... But other than that I’ve been nothing but nice to you right? I just don’t think I deserved what you did to me over one girl... After all we’ve been through…” Sadness took over Shawn’s features.

“Aiyo poor Shawn,” Chin Jian pretended to frown. “Yeah lah, you were nice to me. But only AFTER your break up. You always ditched us just to hang out with her. But now that she broke your heart then only you came crawling back to us. I’m not gonna lie okay, our friendship did started off real, but ever since you started dating her our friendship meant nothing to me,” he said. “NOTHING,” he emphasised.

 

After hearing those harsh words, Shawn felt as though another knife stabbed into his back. All of a sudden, the memories both of them made together throughout the years came flooding back. Their first day of kindergarten together. He remembered them playing rock paper scissors in the back of his mom’s car after school because they would always carpool together. The first time they started crushing on girls in primary school. He recalled that this one time where they both had a crush on the same girl and they agreed to not let a girl come in between them and tear their friendship apart because they knew that their friendship always came first. Not forgetting all those experiences they had together in high school. Girlfriends, skipping school, trying cigarettes, alcohol and clubbing, all for the first time. All the times they hung out, from playing at playgrounds in the evening to hanging out at the Mamak at midnight. It was as though all those memories were being played in his head like a montage but it all slowly started to fade away as it all meant nothing. Their friendship was nothing but betrayal and deceit.

 

“So this is how you repay me huh? After all the things I’ve done for you. I thought you’ve changed bro. First, you stole from your brother and now me. I guess people don’t REALLY change after all,” Shawn said with disappointment.

 

Chin Jian eyes went soft for a second and he was shocked by the words that came out of Shawn’s mouth. It felt as though he was guilty about what he had done but his expression quickly changed. “Well, things happen and people change,” he said with a smirk on his face.

 

That line. That exact line sounded familiar to Shawn. Where has he heard it from? He then remembered that Rebecca had said the exact same words to him before they broke up. “Things happen and people change,” her voice lingered in his head.

 

“You need to leave..” Shawn said softly under his breath as he looked down at his feet.

 

Chin Jian replied, “Huh, what?”

 

Shawn looked up at him dead in the eyes and yelled, “You need to leave and I never want to see your face again!”

 

Chin Jian’s eyes widen with disbelief and said, “If anyone should be leaving it’s you-”

 

Shawn angrily walked towards Chin Jian, grabbed him by his collar and pushed him against the wall. “I’ll only say this one more time. You better leave now before I beat you up, and you know very well that I can,” he said to him.

 

Chin Jian was not phased at all and replied, “You threatening me ah?”

 

Shawn pushed him against the wall once again. Fear overtook Chin Jian’s face and he nodded his head as fast as a bobblehead. Shawn let go of his collar and stepped away while Chin Jian adjusted his polo shirt.

 

“You sure you don’t want to see me again ah? I thought you said I was like a brother to you? You sure you’re willing to let all of that go?” Chin Jian said sarcastically. “Think about it lah Shawn. First, you lost Rebecca and now you want to lose me too? Who else is left huh?” He pretended to think and continued, “Oh yeah, that’s right. You’ll have no one left! You’re gonna be all alone again…and I don’t think you would want to go back to your dark place again, huh, pretty boy?” he snickered.

 

As much as he wanted to hit Chin Jian because of what an ass he was being, he knew that he shouldn’t because he was trying to rile him up on purpose. “Yeah don’t worry, I’ll be just fine without you. I would rather be on my own than be friends with someone as toxic and shitty as you anyways,” he snapped back at him.

 

Chin Jian gasped at his insult. “Okay Shawn, if you say so,” he said as he shrugged, “Good luck being on your own lah.” “I don’t need it,” Shawn snapped back.

 

Chin Jian nodded and smiled as he bit his lip. “Bye Shawn Daevan, it’s been nice knowing you,” he winked.

 

Shawn mocked a smile and pointed the middle finger at him. Chin Jian laughed and they both turned their backs and walked away.

 

It had been days since Shawn’s little encounter with Chin Jian, he was still mind-boggled by what went down. Putting aside his hatred for him, he was right. Shawn was spiralling back into his dark place again. This time he knew better not to turn to drugs and alcohol again because of how it made things worse for him the last time. However, he was depressed again and this time it was worse than ever. He had lost both his lover and his best friend, the two people who were once the most important to him in his life. Gone just like that. Once more, he was all alone and did not know what to do.

 

As he was walking to his bedroom from the living room, he walked past a table and he stopped. The table was full of photo frames filled with photos of him with his family and friends. He picked up a photo frame with a photo of him and Chin Jian from when they were in high school. “Asshole”, he thought to himself and threw it into the trash can. He looked through all of the photo frames one more time. A white photo frame in the back corner of the table caught his eye so he picked it up. It was a photo of him. He suspected that it was taken by his mother. He had the biggest smile on his face in that picture. He thought to himself, “Wow. I was so happy back then. I wish I could turn back time and be my old happy self again.” He realized that it was impossible to turn back time but an epiphany struck him.

 

Shawn realized that there was no one else in this world that could help bring back the old him, besides himself. This is because the only person who can truly help you is yourself. He then decided that he would no longer depend on others for his happiness. With this, he turned his life around for the better. He moved on and started putting himself and his feelings first. Protecting himself from further heartbreak, disappointments and betrayals. Through these tough times, he had learned that sometimes it’s okay to put yourself first, especially in toxic situations.

1.5 Dear Diary

Dear Diary

Julia Fung, Aaran Patrick, Tan Rou En, Pravvin

 

 

"If you know what's best for me, then just stay out of my life, and my relationship with my boyfriend. Stop being a damn control freak!"

 

Those were the words I retorted back at my own mother before slamming the door right at her face. I frantically locked the door before sliding down to the ground helplessly.

 

"Ah, I messed up again, didn't I?" I said to no one in particular as the emotions inside my soul started to swell out in the form of tears. The pain and the feeling of betrayal that cut me so deep inside. The guilt and regret I feel for everything that's happening and had already happened torments my thoughts. It's one of those days I feel like my control over life is slipping through my fingers again. Everything's a mess, isn’t it?

 

The funny thing is that I got myself into this mess. As much as I want to blame my mum or my boyfriend or life in general, I know I have no one else to blame except myself for this predicament. I leaned my head against the hard wooden door as my brain voluntarily replayed the incident that happened just this morning, right outside this very room. The very moment before I slammed the door...

 

…………...

 

It was the evening after class. A long day of tiresome groupmate drama, bucket loads of assignments, bothersome tutorial activities, and long lectures being drilled into my head.

To add salt to the wound, I had to go through a freaking two-hour jam because of some smartass whose engine apparently died halfway. But all of this is just the tip of the iceberg because the main issue I’m about to face is something way worse and it was something I wanted, no need to confront my mother over.

 

I pulled into the driveway of one of our houses located in a town known as Klang. It was just an hour’s drive away from the city of Kuala Lumpur. Well, of course, minus the traffic congestion. My mother grew up in this house, so it had more of an old school touch on it. The windows were still the glass Louvre type. You know the ones that have multiple window blades. There are even those ventilation holes above each window too. But it doesn’t have those wooden stilts and it is made out of bricks, so nothing too traditional yet not too modern — just nice. The house was rented out to others before this but now we're staying in it temporarily as my father was posted nearby. The evening crows flooded the slowly reddening sky as