Outcast by Abigail Livinghouse (self help books to read TXT) 📕

“You’re lying.” I said instinctively. Gabriel sighed, looking down and then up at the dark sky.

“I honestly wish I was.” He murmured. I gave him a funny look.

“Why? Why wouldn’t you want to be an angel? Like seriously, being some almighty being sounds pretty damn cool to me.” I said.

He shook his head, his green eyes cool and reserved, like he had given up too much already and wasn’t prepared to give up much more, if anything at all.

“You don’t understand. We aren’t ‘almighty beings’, we’re just subjects of the almighty. Our ranks don’t even compare to the ranks of God. But I wasn’t always like this, you know.” He said, sitting down in one of the wicker deck chairs.

I realized then that it was still raining fucking cats and dogs, so with the press of a button I let the awning release so that we were partially shielded. Although I couldn’t do much about the howling wind and loud-ass thunder. I sat down in the chair across from Gabriel, and looked at him. I mean I really looked at him, at his dark blonde hair that was like golden silk, at his jade green eyes that were now trained on the ground, and at his lean tall body.

As I gazed at him, I realized that he had this certain charm, this charisma that pulled you closer, closer, until you were so close you could nearly taste his beauty. I had never seen someone as gorgeous as him. I mean sure, Conner was cute and all, but Gabriel put him to shame. Seeing Gabriel now, in the pouring rain and muted darkness of the cloud shrouded day, I realized that he could be an angel, with the way he radiated perfection. All that was missing was a halo, or wings.

“What happened to you then? Like, if you weren’t always a ‘guardian angel’ then what were you?” I asked, my curiosity taking place over insanity at the situation. He looked at me, his expression surprised and a bit depressed.

“You sound pretty certain of what I just told you. How do you know that everything I said wasn’t just a lie?” He asked, seeming more curious than judging, like me.

I shrugged. “Well, I figure if I am insane, then I might as well go with it.”

Gabriel’s lips were pressed into a tight line, and I could see the anxiety on his face. I wondered for a moment what him telling me about who he was, was costing him.

“So tell me”, I leaned forward, my elbows on the table and my chin propped up in my hands. “What did happen to you? I mean, I got some of it when we had our little fucked up moment there but I don’t really know specifically what happened.” I said, a hint of humor in my tone.

I could see he almost smiled at my joke, almost. His expression smoothed out quickly though, into a blank stare of concentration as he dug up his past for me to understand.

“I used to be one of God’s personal angels. I was by his side at all times.”

“Like a bodyguard?” I interrupted. He nodded, seeming only mildly annoyed at my talking.

“Kind of like  a bodyguard, but not quite. See, we were very high beings, very important. But, if we misbehaved then, well, we’d be cast off. Or, kicked out, so to speak.” He said, clearing his throat and pausing.

I took a moment to try to understand what he had said. All I got was that he had been a bad boy and sent into the time out chair. Hey, that’s how I interpret things. I leaned forward and he looked up.

“So what did you do?” I murmured.

Before he had a chance to say anything, I saw his eyes, and looked right into them, which was a big mistake. As soon as I caught his gaze, I couldn’t break away. All I saw were deep, sparkling pools of green, jade green, his eyes. Everything else around me was gone and dark. Oh shit . . .

Rafaela

“Fuck me”, I think I muttered before I completely blacked out.

I saw Gabriel, kneeling at the feet of a really powerful being. God, I realized, was looking down at Gabriel. God didn’t have an exact description, since he was everything and everyone, at the moment he was just a bright and shining blur. But I could tell that he was really mad. I wasn’t really involved in what was going on, I was more like an observer, resting on the sidelines, watching the scene unfold in front of me.

“I didn’t mean to step out of line, I’m so terribly sorry.” Gabriel said so quiet it was nearly a whisper. The holy being just shook his head.

“What you have done is unforgivable, you cannot fraternize with a mortal and expect open, unearned forgiveness. Gabriel Robert Jamul, you are banished from the realms of Heaven.” God said in a strong, powerful, but also soothing and calm voice.

But I was sure that it didn’t sound anything but furious to Gabriel who was cringing on the ground. Then without warning, the wisps of white Gabriel had been kneeling on gave way, and he plummeted down into a dark abyss with a few lights shining. Earth, I realized with a jolt and without warning I was suddenly yanked roughly back to reality. I gripped the edge of the glass table to keep from keeling over, my head reeling from what I had just seen.

“Oh god”, I muttered, feeling a roll of nausea churning in my stomach and coming up my throat. “I think I’m gonna barf.” I said, trying to swallow down my bagel.

“Shit”, Gabriel cursed.

I tried to focus on him, but I kept seeing three Gabriel’s, and not the usual one. He reached forward and grasped my hand tightly, looking fervently at my face, but not into my eyes, thank god.

“What did you see?” He asked, his eyes blazing and hard to keep my eyes off of.

“I saw . . . you and uh, God. And, you were–well, he was pretty pissed, an–” Before I could finish Gabriel dropped my hand and shot up out of his chair.

“Goddammit.” He swore again, his back to me. I just sat back in my chair, wondering what the hell he had seen.

“Now”, I said a few moments later, getting up and moving towards him. “What did you see of me?” I asked.

Gabriel

I had never anticipated this power of Soul Speaking to be so overwhelming and so completely uncontrollable. It took everything in my power to break away from Rafaela when she had me locked in the dark clutches of her subconscious. It’s a powerful place, let me tell you.

What I saw of her was what had just recently happened, her breaking up with her druggie boyfriend Conner, and padding home in the freezing rain. Then cursing at the maid, and heading out here, in the midst of convincing herself that I didn’t exist and that she had been too drunk to really comprehend what had happened earlier last week. I could’ve kicked myself. If only I hadn’t shown up, if I had listened for a few more moments I could’ve sold the story of my non-existence perfectly, and we wouldn’t be stuck here where we are now. But after that little episode, things are that much worse. Because now, a human has seen what is only meant for angel’s eyes. At Rafaela’s question, I looked at her and shook my head.

“Nothing important. Just your little spat with your boyfriend and then you out here, telling yourself I wasn’t real. Hate to break it to you, but I’m damn real.” I said dryly.

She just watched as I began to pace from the end of the patio to the back door. I couldn’t believe I had left my defenses down like this. I was a fool, completely. “Damnation” couldn’t even begin to describe the trouble I was probably in now after what had just happened.

“So”, Rafaela said after a few moments of my quiet calculation. “You’re my guardian angel?” She asked, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. I paused, halfway in between my path. I turned and looked at her.

“Yes.” I said. Her smile spread.

“So you watch over me? Like, all the time?” She asked again, the amusement clear in her tone. I grinned.

“Well, not all the time. Respect is a big factor in our job description so no, I don’t see you all the time.” I said. She laughed, looking down.

“Hmm, I never really thought about guardian angels and all that. Do you . . . like . . .” Rafaela looked around the yard, then at me, smiling an awkward smile. “You know, have a halo? And wings?” She asked curiously.

I couldn’t help but laugh at her question, running a hand through my wet hair. She began laughing as well, shrugging afterward in embarrassment.

“Hey, don’t laugh at me! How was I supposed to know? I’m not some know it all specializing in angelic properties.” Rafaela grumbled, crossing her arms, her lower lip pouting. I shook my head and cleared my throat.

“Sorry, and to answer your question, you’re actually half right. I do have wings.” I said, smiling broadly. She rolled her eyes.

“No halo?” She asked. I shook my head.

“No. No halo.” I said. Rafaela cocked her head to the side, eyeing me curiously.

“What do your wings look like?” She asked.

At this my expression darkened, and I looked away from her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I didn’t know it was a touchy subject.” Rafaela said hastily. I rubbed my tired eyes, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees.

“No, it’s fine. My wings, well, they’re probably not what you expect.” I murmured. She gazed at me, waiting patiently for more. After a moment, she spoke.

“I don’t care. I’m not here to judge.” She spread her arms around her, gesturing at the backyard. “Does it really look like I’m the judging type?” She said humorously.

I pursed my lips, thinking. The rain had slowed to a steady patter, which was distracting as I tried to sort out what Rafaela wanted me to do. To show your wings was the ultimate weakness of an angel. It was our Achilles heel, and if