Poison by Jennifer Mueller (elon musk reading list TXT) 📕

Chapter One
I grunted loud, pain stabbed through my chest.
Is this what its like being in Hell? I thought to myself.
i winced.
"Jinx, Jinx." someone was calling my name.
I stirred for a moment then slowly opened my eyes.
I saw familiar faces, Jordan, Chelsea, Leah, and then him.. Kyle..
I looked down, Kyle was holding my hand.
I glanced up at him, completely dazed.
"Jinx.. why did you do that?" he choked out.
"Oh Kyle i don't know." i whispered started tearing up.
"Don't cry, your going to be okay thats all that matters right now" Kyle said as he wiped a tear from my cheek.
He kissed my forehead, lovingly.
"how long was i knocked out for?"
"A couple of days.."
He grabbed my hand and intwined our fingers together.
I looked at Jordan.
"what are you doing here?"
" I am sorry about what happened. i know i was a big part of it." Jordan whispered.
"You didn't know what could happen. You couldnt see the future." i whispered back.
Kyle sat on the edge of my bed and stared at me. Then he turned his gaze to the floor and started tearing up.
"Jinx I was so scared the doctor said you weren't going to make it. It was a miracle, an absolute miracle that you made it."
Kyle started crying.
"if you werent able to make it.. i wouldnt be here."
Kyle's tears dropped onto my hands.
"Don't grieve over the past, i am still here, i am not going anywhere."
He sniffed acouple of times as i reached up and wiped his tears gently away.
"I love you."
"I love you too." he leaned in and kissed me.
When we both pulled away, i nuzzled into his chest.
His scent.. so delicious. I could almost taste it.
Leah cleared her throat loudly.
"I hope you feel better Jinxie." Leah smiled at me.
I smiled back.
"thank you."
I layed bak down and snuggled into the covers.
Kyle gently ran his hands through my hair.
"You better get some sleep. you used a lot of energy. Even though you just by talking" kyle said to me.
He was right, i was exhausted.
" i will come back as soon as you wake up."
I pouted and looked at him.
"Stay with me." i whined.
He looked down at me smiled.
"I will sit down and read a book then I will be by you side when you wake up." He grinned and kissed me.
I nodded and drifted off to sleep.

Chapter two

My eyes fluttered open.
I sat up and looked around.
"Kyle?" I whispered.
"He's in the bathroom." said a nurse as she walked out.
Kyle appeared in the doorway.
I swung my legs over the bed, got out, and slowly walked over to him.
It was a fight from falling over.
"Jinx, don't. Sit back down." he ordered me.
I kept walking at granny pace.
"Jinx.."
I shook my head as I reached him.
He stood about acouple of feet away and my legs were already wobbling..
The more they shook the harder it was to walk.
My legs gave up on me.
I fell to the ground, Kyle dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around me.
He helped me to my feet, i clung to him tightly and nuzzled my face into his chest.
"Kyle i love you." my voice was all muffled.
"I love you too Jinx." he whispered. "But you must sit down, you arent strong enough yet.
I sighed, i didnt want to sit down, i wanted to stay in his arms forever.
But i gave up easily, i didnt have any energy in me to argue with him.
I sat in one of the love seats in the room.
I looked up at him, eyes pleading for him to sit next to me.
He smiled.
"Kyle i need you in my life."I whispered.
"I need you too Jinx."
I smiled and closed my eyes.
There was a knock at the door, my mom and dad came through.
Kyle held me close as if protecting me.
"Hey honey, the nuse said you were up." Mom said.
I nodded.
"Youre getting out of the hospital in a week, then the following week youre going back to school. " she continued.
I blinked and then nodded.
"Arent you going to say something?"
I blinked then turned my head in the opposite direction.
My mom started to whimper for a while.
"My daughter won't talk to me" she cried.
My dad patted her back and took her out of the room, shutting the door.
"Why didnt you talk to her, you made her cry?" Kyle exclaimed.
"I know, I didnt want to talk to them, i just wanted to talk to you."
"But.."
"Look, i just didnt want to talk to them, let alone anyone." i said quietly.
I looked at his eyes, begging him to understand.
He sighed.
"Jinx you made your mother cry." he told me again.
Everyone cries, but only some people take it far enough to suicide.
I started to blank out about old memories.
But i will never forget what i did.


Chapter three

Two weeks later i got out of the hospital and im going back to school.
Only people dumb enough would really believe i was sick. If only people in my school were dumb enough , i wouldnt have to deal with people staring at me.

********

I walked into school staring at the ground. The hall went quiet and my stomach filled with butterflies. I wrapped my hands around myself to keep myself from collapsing.
When i looked up, Kyle was standing by my locker.
People just looked at me and stared.
I saw Kyle beckon me over.
I smiled and ran into his arms.
"Kyle people wont stop staring at me, i dont want attention." i whined.
"Jinx im sorry you have to ignore it okay?" Kyle whispered.
His arms went automatically around my waist trying to comfort me and sooth me.
I smiled slightly.
I go over to my locker and dial my combonation. Getting my books without people staring at me was tough, i wanted to back to being invisible.
"Jinx." said a familiar voice.
I spin around. It was Crystal.
She was a natural beauty, among many of my emo friends she was one of the prettiest.
She hurled herself at me. i almost fell over. She wrapped her arms around me in a firm grip.
"Jinx i was so scared." her eyes welled up in tears.
"I thought you weren't going to make it." Crystal wept and she never cries.
I patted her back then wrapped my arms around her.
"I'm here, im not going anywhere."
Lies...
She sniffed, i pulled away and whiped her tears away.
Kyle took my hand again.
"You know you should go to therapy, i dont want you to try anything again." Kyle whispered.
The bell rang for homeroom.
Crystal took one last glance at me then went to homeroom.
I looked at Kyle with puppy eyes.
"Dont leave me.."
He kissed my cheek lightly.
"I wont" he whispered.
We walked together to homeroom holding hands.
I saw Leah standing against a desk flirting with Derrick, her boyfriend.
She spotted me and smiled wide.
Kyle and Derrick pounded fists while Leah and I gave eachother a hug.
I studied Leah's outfit.
Something was off...
"Did you get a haircut?"
Leah's smile widened.
"Yes, and i got carmel colored high lights." She pointed out.
I blinked.
"I didnt even notice them! They look so pretty.
I smirked...kind of.

******

After we read the daily announcements, i got called down to guidence.
My stomach was in a huge knot.
I didnt want the bell to first period to ring. i didnt want to go to the guidence office.
"Kyle i dont want to go im scared.." i whimpered.
He rubbed my back.
"it will be okay hun." Kyle smiled.
My heart leapt.
I smiled.

Chapter four

When the bell rang, i got scared. My stomach was tied in a knot and my legs wouldnt cooperate.
Kyle grabbed my hand and gently tugged me to the guidence.
My stomach did a flip flop.
i stepped into the office and Mrs. Marie was waiting for me.
I wrapped my arms around my upper stomach. i had a sick feeling, the feeling you get before you vomit.
"Jinx come sit down" she said as i closed the door behind me. I sat down the farthest i could from her.
"Your mother has called and has informed me about what has happened. im terribly sorry that you feel that way. But i recommend that you should go to a therapist." she told me.
I sat there blankly.s
"Jinx are you there?"
Once again I sat there blankly, staring into her eyes.
"Are you going to speak to me?" she asked.
I shook my head after a 2 minute delay.
She lifted her hand to touch my shouldr, i flinched away.
"Are you scared of people? Scared that they will hurt you again?" she whispered.
i nodded slowly.
She sighed and started to babble some more.
I wasnt paying attention to her. she was more talking to herself.
She clapped her hands together ans looked at me.
"I have this group called Salvaging sisterhood. its where we talk about problems id love it if you joined." she smiled politely. "you want to join?"
I nodded slowly.
"Okay we meet every time you have gym which is every day. we meet in the auditorium.
I blinked at her.
"the next meeting is today 5th period." she gave me the information. I nodded.
She looked at me and sighed.
She handed me a journal, which was black and leatherbound.
"Write whatever you want in it." she said.
I nodded a thank you and held the journal close to my chest.
She scribbled me a late pass and handed it to me.
I snatched it, opened the door and ran out.
My mind was spinning.
Instead of going back to class, i went to the girls bathroom locked the door. and sat in a corner.
i wrote:

I guess this could be considered writing down my feelings. the thing is i cant deal with pain, i fall into depressions arms once again and im a goner. i want to stop writing now. i exposed so much in the first entry.
- Lonelysoul

Writing felt good.


Chapter five

Fifth period, was my first Salvaging Sisterhood meeting.
I sat in the auditorium with a group of 6 girls. including Mrs. Marie and i.
"We have a new group member, everyone this is Jinx. "
They all turned there heads to face me and smiled creepily all at the same time.
My lips twitched. It was a start to smiling.
"Girls we have a an activity id like to introduce to you." Dhe pulled out a plastic jar filled with little pieces of paper. "You take one and read the question."d
we all nodded.
Chelsea raised her hand to go first.
"When a boy breaks up with you, you feel heart broken. How do you deal with it?"
My mind started to blank.
The world slowed and everything blurred.
My palms started to sweat, my heart pounded and my head started realling.
I have not forgotten what i done, nor will i ever.
It was hell.
Knowing what i had done has hauntme.
Like my wrongs staring at me