Just your everyday Bad Guy by Naomi M-B (ebook e reader TXT) 📕

“Let me get this straight,” the silver eyed boy said, “you want me to wage war on some human girls?” He blinked. “Seriously ?”

Before him stood, or rather hunched, a man with black hair. His name was Raven. “Yes, oh mighty Lord of our realm, I have foreseen them. Four human girls will be granted mystical powers; they will threaten to overthrow you.”

The Lord groaned and threw his head back. He was slouched in his throne, legs over one arm and shoulders resting against the other. It didn’t look strange though, it seemed to suit him. The Lord looked and acted like a teenager. Very few people were allowed to see him in this normal form; it didn’t look particularly scary. People would probably have gotten misguided hope. That would have got them killed.

“What do you want me to do then?” he asked, moodily.

“Oh great and mighty Lord, you must destroy them before they grow too powerful!” Raven slammed his fist into his palm.

Complaining, the Lord sighed. “Show me what they look like,” he ordered, grudgingly.

A misty, magical screen materialised before him. It showed four girls. One was blond, one had black hair, one had brown and one had red. All of them were in their early teens and relatively pretty.

“What are their names?” he asked, sitting up and suddenly interested.

“Emma Markson, Cathy Andrews, Jody Dodd and Hazel Lewison,” Raven replied.

Eyebrow raised, the Lord stared at them. “They have really weird names,” he said at last.

Successfully hiding a smirk, Raven nodded. “They may seem strange to you, they are incredibly normal in their world.”

“Emma, Cathy, Jody and Hazel,” the Lord muttered, “my new adversaries.”

For a moment, Raven could barely believe his ears: was the young lord finally taking this seriously? But then the Lord said, “The black haired one’s cute.”

*

So, here they were. All four of them… spread out in some kind of formation. God. Who designed their costumes?! A Lolita and Visual Kei fanatic?!

The Lord shook his head and concentrated. It was their first confrontation. For the last three weeks he’d let his ‘best’ general fight against them, using his ‘elite’ warriors. The girls had defeated each attack with apparent ease. However, there had been lots of ‘Power of Love’ and friendship… as well as cute girls screaming. So it hadn’t been too bad.

Then of course, the girls had learned about him. The explanation had been rather amusing:
“The land I come from is ruled by an evil tyrant!” explained Luca, a teenage boy who was the nephew of the leader of the rebels. In all honesty, the Lord hadn’t known that there even were rebels.

“He rules from his black castle of despair, he forces thousands into slavery and has brought nothing but misery onto the land thanks to his ruthlessness and cruelty.” Luca had become very passionate about this as he explained in detail about how dreadful everything was.

The Lord had sat and watched the magical image his spy bug was sending him, eyebrow raised. What? So he was personally responsible for every bad thing that happened? Was Luca aware how much debt the land was in thanks to the Lord’s father?!
Anyway, to cut a long story short, the four girls had set out to free the land from the Lord’s ‘evil grasp’.

Back in the present, Kiro, the girls’ cute talking… bird thing, warned them, “Don’t fall for his tricks! He’s a master of deception and black magic!”

The Lord continued to sit there, gazing at them solemnly while they waited, tense, for the first adversary to attack them. Beside him, Raven raised his hand and a small army of black clad soldiers appeared along with a small plate of refreshments for the Lord.

Grinning, the Lord picked up a sausage roll and began snacking on it as he watched.

Hazel, the brunette, sliced the heads off of two with enormous claymores that had magically appeared in her hands. She must be pretty strong. Cathy and Emma, the red head and the blond respectively, were fighting back to back. One was fighting with a flame thrower while the other bore a gun. Finally, there was Jody, the pretty black haired one. In her hand was a scythe which she used to very quickly dispatch the enemies around her. Along with them, there was the boy Luca… however he needed saving three times.

These girls were good.

When they were done, the Lord clapped his hands.

“Excellent,” he announced dryly through a mouthful of sausage. “Really good. I’ve been defeated.”

Suspicious, they stood there, weapons ready.

“What are you planning?” Hazel demanded, apparently the brunette had assumed a leadership role.

“Nothing,” the Lord told her honestly, “I wasn’t really expecting this to amount to much so I didn’t really plan anything. That’s all I’ve got. Go away for a little while so I can make a beastie for you to fight.”

Luca however was angry. “Enough of your taunting!” he yelled. “Give me back my uncle!”

In reply, the Lord blinked at him. “We have your uncle?” He turned to Raven and repeated, “We have his uncle?”

“Yes, my Lord,” Raven said patiently, “he was captured last month when the rebels attacked the citadel.”

“Oh…” the Lord remembered, “that’s what that was?”

“Shut up!” Hazel yelled, “I’ve had enough of your pathetic lies. You’re attempting to cover up your evil schemes! We know what you really want! You want to invade our world so you can rule over it with an iron-!”

She was cut off when he flashed out of his seat and pressed a finger to her lips.

“Shush,” he told her, “a nice young lady like you shouldn’t use so many exclamation marks in her speech.”

Bemused, Hazel turned to Kiro. “He can see our punctuation?”

“It’s an ancient grammar magic,” Kiro explained.

“Besides,” the Lord said loudly, “why would I want your world anyway? It’s pretty… insignificant. I mean, what’s there that I can’t get somewhere else? Really, I’d much rather go to that diamond dimension.”

Again, there was a pause. “So…” Emma said slowly, “you don’t want to invade and destroy our world?”

“No.” The Lord raised an eyebrow. “Why would I want to? Besides, you’re all so pretty and your outfits so skimpy. My hormones wouldn’t let me fight you even if I wanted-” Something collided with the back of his head. Frowning, he turned and saw Raven standing there, brandishing a handful of black lightening.

“Raven?” The Lord raised an eyebrow. “What are you doing?”

“Destroying you!!!” Raven bellowed melodramatically, “So that I may take over!!!!!!”

“What is with the exclamation marks?” The Lord asked, incredulous, “why is everything so important that you need to stick a load of upside down ‘i's on the end?”

“Then!!!” Raven continued ignoring him, “I will destroy ever-!!!!!” His speech (but sadly not his punctuation) was cut short when the Lord used telekinesis to crush him with his throne.

The end

Text: My preeeecccccciouuuussssssssssssssssssssss!!!
Publication Date: 12-22-2012

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Dedication:
Merry Christmas Evan!