Some things never end.. by Hamsini Arya (free books to read .TXT) 📕

Some things never end......

Shayana loved painting. Rain or shine, happiness or tears, painting was a thing, which made her feel alive. Being in the field of journalism, she hardly got time to pursue her passion of painting. She never knew that, at this point in life, she will be so busy that she will not have time for anything else. However, she ensured that every weekend, she devoted atleast an hour for painting.
Shayana was lanky, with disheveled curly hair, and dusky skin. She had average features, with a short but pointed nose and small eyes, which used to become extra small when she smiled. Her glasses camouflaged those little eyes. She was 38, but she looked more like those urban youngsters, in their late 20s, primarily because of her physique, her smooth skin texture and her way of dressing
Today was a different Sunday. She tried working on her creativity, but nothing came up on the canvas. Bored, she switched on the TV to see if there is any new movie coming up. She browsed through the movie channels, but coincidentally, at that time, only commercials were being shown. Finally, in the last movie channel, there was a movie which she could watch. It was the movie, ‘Lakshya’. The movie reminded her of the ‘Kargil’ war, and her memories associated with that. She had been there with two members of her team. She became nostalgic. All the memories came flashing right in front of her eyes. The bloodshed, the screams, the pain and the agony. Amidst all these, she had to write reports, talk about the scenario, standing in front of the camera, pretending she is strong enough for all those. But deep in her heart, only she knew the fight she had with herself. It was not easy for her. She shut her eyes immediately, trying to forget all those. Suddenly, another episode came across her mind. In the midst of all these, she had come across someone, who had made her ordeal somewhat bearable out there. Capt. Nishant Verma, yes that was the name. With all the hardships and pain in that environment, Capt. Nishant was someone, who tried to bring smiles. He had got two bullet injuries and Shayana had witnessed that live. But, when she went to meet him in the hospital, he was all smiles and cracked such silly funny jokes, that Shayana forgot all the woes and worries for that moment. When she left Kargil, she tried meeting him once, but could not.
‘Where is he now? Is he alive’? Thinking about that, her heart skipped a beat. All these years, Nishant was there in her subconscious mind, but her life and situation at that point was so different, that she did not know how to reach him. Today, she decided, 'let me search him on Facebook'. She typed ‘Nishant Verma’ and clicked on ‘search’. Lots of names popped up. Some profiles had pictures, some had none. She tried to narrow her search by typing his location. She remembered, he had said he was from ‘Delhi’. Yes, now she had some new profiles. In one of the profiles, she saw a profile picture of the cartoon character ‘Popeye’, and the profile information said working with government of India. Shayana thought, all the profiles which had pictures, did not seem like Nishant’s profile. Let me drop a message in this profile, and see if he is the one. She typed, ‘ Hi, I am Shayana, a journalist by profession. Are you the Nishant Verma, I met in Kargil? Please ignore this message, if you can’t relate to it’. Within two minutes, a message came. ‘Yes I am. How are you Shayana?’ ‘Bingo, he is the one’, Shayana thought. She then typed ‘I am fine. How are you? Where are you now?’. He replied ‘I am fine too. In ‘West Bengal’ now.’ He then sent his pictures, some solo, some with his family. Shayana took a look at all the pictures closely. He has not changed at all. He was as fit as a fiddle. She remembered seeing him last, when he was in his mid 20s. With a height of 5 feet 9 inches, Nishant had a sharp long pointed nose. He had small eyes and fair complexion. His short curly hair and fit physique could make anyone guess that he is from the Army. Shayana, then, looked at his family pictures. His wife was beautiful and his 6 years old daughter was adorable. She smiled, and said in her mind ‘God bless!’. The conversation ended there.
Next day, Shayana went to work very early. She wanted to wind up her work and come home early. But, her mind kept on drifting back to Nishant and the conversation she had with him. She tried focusing on the article she was working on, when she heard a notification in her phone. It was a ‘Good Morning’ message from Nishant. She smiled to herself, and typed, ‘Good Morning’, ‘How are you? ‘The next message that came said ‘Good’. After that, there was no interaction.
Next morning, again, Shayana got a ‘Good morning’ message from Nishant. She sent a smiley and asked ‘How are you?’. He replied ‘good’ and then he sent her a hilarious joke. Shayana burst into laughter all alone after reading that.
These good morning messages continued and the laughter sessions continued, when suddenly, all of these came to an abrupt stop. She kept on staring at her phone, but no messages came. She got worried. She panicked. She wanted to know if he was fine. She dialed his number, but before it could connect, she disconnected it, thinking, what will she tell him. Will she tell him that, she was worried about him, or, that, she missed him, or that she had started feeling for him. Yes, ‘feelings’. She had started feeling for him. ‘Feelings’ which were there, hidden, subdued, when she had first met. ‘Feelings', which she could not share at that point. ‘Feelings’ , which she could never share now. He is happily married, with a beautiful family. Morally, it would be a sin. What would she tell her conscience? All these questions, cluttered her mind, and she could not call him.
And the days passed. She kept glancing at her phone, hoping some message would come. Nothing came. At some point she felt, if only she could go and check if everything was fine at his end. But then, she just sat quietly, looking at a blank point. After two weeks, suddenly, a message came ’Good morning’. It was from Nishant. Shayana had tears in her eyes. She silently thanked God and said ’He is safe’. She replied ‘Good Morning’. ‘How are you’? Where were you? All okay? ‘He replied ‘All Good. Just stayed away from the virtual world for some time’. The term ’Virtual World’ stung her. But it was true. She was a part of his ‘Virtual World’, not the real world. They talked through social media. Not in person. Fighting her tears, she sent a smiley and typed, 'Ha Ha. Okay! But some friends on facebook and social media might have missed you’. He replied ‘Come on, they won’t. I like my friends on facebook, but there is no emotional connection. I am sure they also think in the same way’. Shayana replied with a smiley, and the conversation ended.
She walked to the window and looked outside. The hustle bustle outside and the hustle bustle inside her mind, were same. Nothing could quiet that. She ‘loved’ Nishant. She can’t forget him. Her feelings for him would never fade. But she knew that she was just a virtual ‘friend’, with whom he had no strings attached. She wanted to go back in time and erase that period, when she tried searching him. But she knew, nothing can be undone now. Tears dropped, her glasses became foggy, she sat down on the floor, trying to pull herself up. For an hour, she sat there, then she got up, went to work, switched off her phone. She finished her work in office, reached home, had her dinner and tried to put herself to sleep. Next morning, again the ‘Good Morning’ message came from Nishant. She replied’Good Morning’, added a smiley, and never looked back at her phone again. The two words message ’Good Morning’ from Nishant continued, Shayana’s feelings for him continued, her prayers for him continued, they never met again, and life went on with some things never ending........

Publication Date: 06-11-2017

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Dedication:
She has to live with a pain which will never heal...