Toy Story by J.L. Smith (red white and royal blue hardcover .TXT) 📕

~ TOY STORY ~

How did I get “here”?

"Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarrassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarrassment?"

~Tom Cruise


You’re probably wondering what “here” means. “Here” means standing in my front yard…it’s a beautiful, sunny Sunday evening, around 5:00 p.m. in Long Beach, CA…the “Promised Land”…the “Land of Paradise”. And most days, it is…today is no exception…or so I thought! Little did I know that this would turn out to be a life-changing day that I would never forget.

My beautiful, precocious 2-year old grandson, Marcus (for whom I am temporary caregiver due to dual-parent military deployment), is watching his idol, Jimmy Neutron (he calls him “Teutron”) on TV. I guess it’s a good time for me to go quench the thirst of my wilting plants out front, because in a minute, he’ll be hungry again (of course he’ll only want to eat Skittles).

I glance over at Marcus one last time before I head out into the beautiful southern California sunshine. He’s so mesmerized by “Teutron” that I don’t think he even knows I’ve left the room. I love that boy so much…he’s such a good boy!

The neighbors are all outside…watering their lawns, doing yard work…washing cars…chatting amongst themselves. I say “Hi” to Bill and Dixie across the street. They’re sweet, church-going people who add a special element to our neighborhood; they’ve been living here for a long time and can relate all the history involving this area.

Next door to them and directly across the street from me is Stacy, a single mom with 2 teenage boys; they’re doing yard work. On the other side of Bill and Dixie are Jean and Cory – very sweet couple – love hanging out with them, especially during football season. They’re washing their cars…just chillin’.

On the other side of Stacy lives Adam and his girlfriend, Monica; she moved here from Italy just last year. They’re a very cute couple and lots of fun.

Immediately next to them are Dave and Judi – he’s an HR specialist and she’s an employment law attorney; they are wonderful people and I love them dearly. (Don’t know what I’d do without them at times, like so many of my neighbors.) I wave to Judi, who’s standing on their front porch.

To my right, are Larry and Claudia and their teenage son, Shawn. They are a wonderful family…so incredibly nice. I know I could ask them for just about anything and they’d be there for me. They’re doing some yard work, too.

On my left are Bobby and Rachael …sweet newlyweds. When I was initially going through difficult, emotional times related to my divorce, they always offered a kind word or gesture, just like all of my neighbors, at a time when I needed it most.

Next to Bobby and Rachael is my friend, Joyce, who has been a vibrant source of inspiration to me. Farther down the street are the Bensons – Doug, Melanie, Jared and Sophie – great family, but more about them later (lots to tell there).

Hmm….I feel so serene and so blessed to be living in this wonderful neighborhood, surrounded by these amazing people. The rest of my street is filled with a collection of fabulous, incredible people…too many to name. I am confident that a better neighborhood does not exist anywhere in the world.

It’s hot…really hot. It’s so hot that the water seems to disappear as soon as it hits the leafs of the plants and flowers I am attempting to rejuvenate. Is that a breeze? Ahhhhhh….the cool mist that blows across my face from the water hose is truly delightful. I close my eyes and find myself suspended in time…enjoying the sights and the sounds of my neighborhood…and of my life.

It’s one of those moments that I will remember, always. I will be somewhere, one day years from now and remember this exact moment…the sounds…the smells…the way I feel, basking in the warm southern California sunshine…but wait!!!!!

“Serenity” shattered!!!

"Well-behaved women rarely make history."

~Laurel Thatcher Ulrich

Suddenly my front screen door swings open, shattering my serenity and my beloved Marcus comes barreling out. He’s excited and beaming from ear to ear. Nothing unusual for a 2-year old, right?

But wait…what’s that in his hand???? NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! He’s holding my bright red female “toy” (c’mon, you know what I mean…to him, it’s a “toy”…it’s my V-I-B-R-A-T-O-R)!!! Of course it’s turned on…humming away, bright lights flashing. “GRAMMA…BRRR…TOY!!!!!” he shrieks with pure delight. (Guess I REALLY am going to remember this moment in time, but for an entirely different reason!)

Wait…how did he find that? And how did he figure out how to turn on the sounds AND the lights??? (I can barely figure it out myself!) I thought it was nestled safely in my nightstand drawer (which is, coincidentally, within his reach).

Funny, the “How to Childproof Your Home” manual talks about things like safety gates, putting away dangerous substances and covering electrical outlets…but not one of those darn more-than-you-need-to-know books mentions anything about hiding your vibrator…imagine that! (I guess that should be my next project…writing an updated version of the “childproofing manual”. I know I’ll be sure to make mention of the importance of hiding your adult “toys”!)

I forgot I even had that thing. (It was a Valentine’s Day’s “gift” from my ex-husband…guess I missed that “get-yourself-right” message!) But of course, my 2-year old grandson would find it and show it to the whole neighborhood with reckless abandon!

And why did I have to choose those darn Energizer Bunny batteries? It wouldn’t have been quite so mind-blowing without the sound effects and flashing lights…darn thing just keeps going and going and going. Why - oh why - does it even have lights…who’s going to see them??? (Other than my entire neighborhood, of course!) Aarrggghhh!!!! Now I know what “shock and awe” means…and it has nothing to do with war.

Wanna get away???

"If you're going through hell, keep going."

~ Winston Churchill

How did I get here…in the middle of a commercial for Southwest Airlines…”wanna get away”? Heck, yeah I do…and the sooner, the better!

I immediately spin around in horror! Everything is moving in slow motion…oh my GAAWWWDDDD!!! The houses here are so close together….who’s looking?? I want to scream, but thankfully, my horror gets caught in my throat.

Maybe no one is seeing this…if I scream, everyone will surely look! It seems to take me forever to run those few steps to where Marcus has made it to the other side of the yard. But of course, before I can reach him, he thinks we’re playing a game and makes a break for it, running down the sidewalk, relentlessly yelling “Brrrrrrrrrr!!!” When did he start to run so fast?

Finally - after what seems like an eternity, I reach him! I grab the blinking, pulsing, red monstrosity out of his tight-fisted, little hand and shove it under my shirt. Of course my shirt is white, so anyone who is witnessing this horror can still see the bright, flashing lights. Lord knows I don’t know how to turn them off and now is definitely not the time to ask little “Mr. Innocent” - who turned them on – for helpful hints.

I take his hand…unable to communicate to him what is happening…heck, I barely understand it myself. As I turn to go back to the house, with my face as red as the pulsating beast nestled beneath my shirt, I can’t even fathom how I will ever show my face in this neighborhood again. Heaven knows that suddenly being a single “mother” instead of a married grandmother is hard enough...but this? Are you kidding me?

My eyes are fixated on my destination…the front door…but it seems so far away! I finally reach the house (after what seems like an hour), with a confused Marcus in tow and once inside, I freeze in the horror of what has just transpired.

After several attempts at pushing every single stinkin’ button on it, I figure out how to silence the red beast and douse the blinking lights before I toss it into its intended resting place. Funny…it looks so deceptively harmless right now…just laying there in the drawer, silent and dark.

Okay…in hindsight, I have to stop and wonder here…”why did I do that”? Unbeknownst to me, in just 2 short days, the red beast is going to rear its ugly “head” again…this time when I’m cooking dinner for a male “friend”. What is wrong with me, besides the obvious?

It was one of those moments in life when everything inside of you is screaming “stop it…why are you doing that?” but you just go ahead and do “it” anyway. For instance, it's like when you're vacuuming your carpet and you see that string hanging down from your bedspread. Your mind tells you to shut off the vacuum cleaner, get a scissors and cut off the string; but you don't…and the next thing you know, half of your bedspread is wrapped around the brushes of your vacuum cleaner.

Or when you’re washing your favorite wine glass while holding it at the bottom and the stem snaps right off the glass…and at that moment remembering that’s why there was only this one remaining from a set of four.
Know what I mean?

I couldn’t even pause long enough to turn off the water. That’s okay…my lawn really needs the water! No…really, it’s parched! I’ll go back out and turn it off later…much later…when it’s very dark outside, only because it REALLY needs the water. Besides…I’ve been neglecting my back yard (where no one can see me right now), so I’d better go water that. Yup…that’s what I’ll do.

Can we all just calm down???

"An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that and you start to age quickly."

~ Gene Perret

Finally I relax by mumbling to myself…”Can we all just calm down? No worries!” My wonderful neighbors probably didn’t even see what just happened. And if they did, so what? They all have full lives – they’ll have something else to talk about tomorrow and forget all about this. I am so lucky to live in a neighborhood where we all get along and respect each other AND each other’s privacy.

In a different neighborhood – with different people - months from now, they would be standing outside talking with friends or other neighbors and politely wave to me; then when I am out of earshot, would say: “she’s the one I was telling you about – the one with the red vibrator!” Without turning around or missing a step, I’d mumble to