Sealed by S. G. Ricketts (ap literature book list .txt) 📕

Sealed

Tamar’s Story

Based on a true story

The pain came in the middle of the night. It woke me with burning fingers, squeezing my stomach and tearing at my insides. I groaned and rolled, trying desperately not to wake the others. The pain, oh the pain… it was unlike any I’d felt before. Needles stabbed and thorns twisted, brands burned and my bones ached. I gasped as it ripped through me. Was I dying? What could cause such terrible pain, except that I was dying? The stars outside stared coldly down at me; I couldn’t take my eyes off them as I writhed under the blankets. I blinked back tears, trying to smother my groans in the folds of the blanket, but Mama heard me. Shamed, I watched her sit up, her hand settle on my forehead.

“Daughter, what ails you?” she whispered. The moon outside dusted the edge of the tent, brushing her face in pale light. “Is it something you ate?”

I groaned again, hugging my waist. My brothers rolled restlessly beside me, and with as much effort as I could manage, I stilled myself. “I… I don’t know… Oh, Mama, it hurts so badly.” I curled tighter in on myself, dizzy with the pain.

Dark eyes traveled down my face to where I clutched helplessly. They grew wide, and a smile spread across her face. I jerked in surprise as work-rough hands slipped between my thighs. Her fingers slid out just as quickly, and I stared at them in growing horror and pride. Scarlet gleamed wetly in the moonlight. Her smile widened. “Oh my love, today you become a woman.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“Taaaamaaaar!” Jairus whined, climbing into my lap. “Why do Baruch and I have to take turns with you?” His nose wrinkled as he looked over the sheep below, their fluffy bodies bumping and snuffling along the ground. “It’s so boring!”

I laughed and ruffled his dark curls. “You know as well as I do that soon I’ll be leaving. Without his best shepherdess, what will Father do?” I tweaked his nose, and he answered with a slow-won smile. I bit my lip, trying to let him keep his 8-year old dignity. “After all, Father only trusts the best with his flocks. They’re the best in all of Canaan!”

My brother’s chest puffed out with pride. “Of course they are! Best wool this side of the Dead Sea,” he crowed, standing on top of the nearest rock.

I smothered a giggle at his mimicry of Father and waved him down. “Hush now and come eat some lunch. It’ll be some time still before we need to bring them home.”

Jairus’s face lit up and he slid off the stone, long limbs folding down around him. I ruffled his hair again and handed him a wedge of cheese and half a loaf of bread. The smells wafted up around us and our stomachs grumbled. “Besht part ofth th’ day,” he said, food shoved in his mouth like a camel. I grinned but didn’t answer.

We ate in silence, the sheep milling placidly below us. All of Adullam stretched before us, the city walls visible even through the late summer haze. Father’s house was just inside the wall, but in these hot months it sat empty. The tents lay like grounded bats just east of the walls. I let my eyes caress the hills and plains that surrounded the city. Grasses knee deep swayed in the breeze, the scraggly trees dotting the landscape. We sat beneath an old fig tree, its branches waving delicate fans above us in the breeze. This land, without a doubt, was the most beautiful in the world. I bit into the bread, relishing the creaminess of the cheese as I memorized yet again the shadows and dips of the land. I’d walked these paths since I was Jairus’s age. They were a part of my soul, and within my Father’s tent lay the end of it all.

The rest of the day passed in a blur for me. Jairus chattered away, practiced aiming his sling shot, and bounced from rock to rock with an energy I wish I had. My eyes kept drifting to the tents, though. Before I knew it, the sun hovered over the horizon and it was time to gather the sheep. “Jairus, let’s go.” The boy jumped to his feet, his crook held forward and his chest yet again puffed out with self-importance. I quirked an eye brow at him. “You’re not ready to lead them home just yet, you little monkey.” His face fell and I rolled my eyes. “Come on, let’s just get them home. I’ll let you herd them into the pen when we get there, ok?”

“Yay! Thanks, Tamar!” He grinned and with a shock I realized he was missing a tooth. He must have seen the look on my face, for his eyes got the mischievous look I’d been waiting for all day. “I’m gonna tell Mama that I slipped and you didn’t even care!”

“Jairus!”

He shrieked in mock terror as I chased after him. Sheep bleeted in confusion as we ran through them. “And you chased me! I’ll fall in sheep poo, I swear!”

I managed to hook him and pulled him close. “Or will I push you in?” I said. He gasped and I grinned, letting him go. “Come on, little brother. Baruch, Mama, and Vashti will be waiting for us to arrive.”

His face stilled beside mine, and suddenly he looked much older than his 8 years. “There will be a suitor when we get back, won’t there, Tamar?”

My eyes darted to the tents again. His hands tightened around his staff. “There are every night, Jairus,” I said gently. “Now come on. We both need supper, and Baruch will be eager to hear about the lions you faced today.” Jairus nodded, but the spirit was gone from both of us.

At sunset the sheep crowded towards Father’s pen, their coats dyed red by the fading light. Jairus prodded them in silently, his face clouded by the deep voices within the tents. Two camels lounged in the nearby stable and my heart dropped. Of my five suitors, three were from Adullam. So, our visitors were travelers. That left two possible suitors, and I prayed with all my might to Kotharat, the goddess of marriage,t hat the men inside bore the slight accents and almond eyes of Gederah. Surely she would look favorably upon me. Father laughed loudly inside, his shadow dancing across the tent, and another man joined in the jest. I swallowed, hearing yet again the same voice. One of the servants stepped out of the shadows and I handed him my staff, not watching to make sure he settled in the doorway of the pen. Judah and his son Er had returned.

Jairus’s face was hidden as we walked behind the women’s tent, but I could tell he’d heard them as well. I slipped my hand into his, praying to the various gods that this was merely a business arrangement despite the lack of caravan. As we walked into the tent, my hopes fell. Jairus squeezed my hand tighter, and I felt two more bodies hit me. My arm reflexively went around my other siblings. Baruch, with his face a mirror-image of Jairus’s, our bright twins, and Vashti, our little angel, both clung to my skirts. My eyes didn’t rest on them, though my fingers ran over and over through thick curls. “This is it, isn’t it Mama?”

In the firelight, her face seemed etched from sandstone. There was tension around her eyes and I looked away as she held her hand out to me. Mama sighed, and I heard her step closer to me. “Tamar…” She pulled my chin around to face her. Eyes the color of obsidian watched me as I moved farther into the room and away from her, towing my little parcels along with me. She sighed again. “Children, let your sister be. She needs to wash herself before appearing before her father.” Their grips tightened. “Children.” Her voice was level, quiet even, but they let me go. “Now go eat. Tamar and I need to talk.” The twins glanced at me over their shoulders, identical looks of fear, but hurried Vashti out of the room.

I watched the flap fall, then turned to my mother. “You didn’t answer me, Mama. Is Er the one Father has chosen for me?”

She smiled wanly and brushed a lock of hair out of my face. “Since you were a baby, I thanked Asherah for your beauty. Now…” Her fingers traced the curve of my cheek and a single tear slipped out. “Now, I wish you’d been cursed with the face of a demon. Oh child, it’s time.”

I stared at her in horror. “But… But… Didn’t you talk to him? Didn’t you tell him I’d refuse?”

She shook her head, the sad smile returning. “Your father, though he loves you, doesn’t see the man Er is. He sees the possessions he will inherit from his father. Judah is a great man, said to be favored by the god of his people. Look at how vast his wealth is already, Tamar. You will be married into a good home.”

“I’ll be married off for Father’s profit, you mean,” I hissed. She dropped her hand, eyes sad. “Mama, you’ve seen him. You’ve seen how he treats the boys, how he treats his animals. Er is rich by his father, but he is worse than a lion. At least a lion protects those it holds dear. Er… Er protects only himself! How can Father not see that?”

“Tamar-“

“I’ll refuse!” I sank to my knees, hopeless. “I’ll refuse Er, and then I won’t have to marry him, right? Or, I’ll be such a terrible wife that he’ll divorce me.”

My mother sat next to me and pulled my face to hers. “Think, Tamar, think. Oh, my sweet child, if there was something I could do to prevent this, you know I would. You know as well as I do that refusing Er would be a blight upon this household. You have your brothers and your sister to think of as well, and the livelihood of us all.” Sighing, she picked up my hands. I couldn’t see through my tears. “I was chosen just as you, for beauty and prosperity. We are women, Tamar. We are promises of business, contracts between families that cannot be broken. I’ve done all I can, but tonight you will be betrothed to Er. Gods above, but there is nothing else we can do.”

Numbly, I let her pull me to my feet. A basin of water was brought in, the firelight casting strange shadows of light across its copper depths. My face rippled and contorted as Mama dipped in a cloth and carefully cleaned the dirt from my skin. Lavendar and saffron drifted from the water, but instead of feeling calm, I felt sick. My hair was brushed out, oils applied, and laid about my shoulders as befitted a maiden. My face and hands and feet were worked with lotions, and my clothes exchanged for the finest of my mother’s wool. Deep brown