never a dole moment by G S BRANDON (best android ereader txt) 📕

SURVIVING ON THE DOLE
HANDY TIPS AND REAL LIFE SITUATIONS


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BY G S BRANDON


SIGNING ON


Signing on the dole was never something I thought I would ever have to do, and if I am truthful, I always felt slightly above all of that kind of nonsense, I also felt that claiming benefits was something others done because they had no skills or were just lazy, I now realize how narrow minded my views were back then .Its a funny thing time, and how the experiences within it can totally change your outlook forever.
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I have worked consistently, starting from my final year at school as a part time starter chef and dish washer, which at the time was probably earning me as much as some of my teachers were getting. But because of the late nights and hard work at the restaurant I only really attended school at dinner time to pick up my free school dinner, and of course to attend my exams.
I left school with a few ` a` levels and some cse`s, not too bad considering most were taken with a thumping hangover caused by the night before after work drinks sessions.
I then went on to complete an apprentership at Ford motor company as a vehicle mechanic .After leaving Ford I decided that the building game seemed a lot more my kind of job, and after a few years of working within different trades on building sites around England I decided to go self employed as a general builder, and apart from the odd jobs as a film extra and working at the post office during my Bukowski months , this had been my main form of income for many years.
Then came the recession which made it very difficult for a small firm like mine to survive ,and after a long struggle of doing jobs for half nothing and having to deal with the inevitable none payers, I decided enough was enough, and I collapsed the company .
After I had drained any savings I had, and built up quite a nice amount of debt on credit cards( just to enable me to live) , I soon realised that my only option was to swallow the shame and stop pretending I was surviving , and sign on the dole .
I called the job centre and once I had got through the endless letters informing me of what I wasn’t entitled to, I finally after a bit of a battle with those in charge of state benefits, had a proper signing day .I felt myself actually looking forward to the big day, and maybe to some benefits, as I felt I had probably put my fair share into the pot over the years, and should be entitled to some form of financial help.
And when the great day arrived I skipped off down to the dole office full of hope and wonder of what was going to happen.
On arrival I must say I was truly shocked at the amount of people that drifted in and out of the place, it was buzzing with activity ,there were people from all walks of life, single mums with their array of different dad children , ex agency workers , ex shop workers , ex Dockers , drunks , h heads , sacked bankers , ex builders , lost souls ,de generates the lot , people from right across the wide spectrum of the " wonderful and diverse" human race, and all in the same shit state that I was in ,skint ! .
In my blissful ignorance of the days and battles to come, I sat down expecting to be called at some point by whomever it was I was supposed to see, and as there was no name on my
appointment letter I stupidly waited for nearly an hour and a half before I got annoyed enough to ask a nice enough looking bloke with a name badge if he could tell me " when I would be called?" "Are you signing today”? He replied, I felt like saying" no im here to people watch you cretin! “but I didn’t I just showed him my appointment letter, "oh" he said "your on the wrong floor your "new signing”, your on the second floor " in a very smug manner, like I should have known.
So off I went up to the second floor, which was again a humming hive of activity with people milling all over the place, and the staff talking to one person at a time behind the invisible safety of their desks.
This time however I decided that I would collar the first member of staff that I saw and ask them who I was meant to see, and hopefully save myself waiting another hour and more pointlessly people watching.
I approached a short fat man with a name badge ,and assuming he was some kind of employment staff I asked him the inevitable question ,hhhhhhhmmm " your an hour n arc late " he replied , "I know ,im sorry I was waiting downstairs " I was about to reply , but
just as I got to the downstairs bit , he turned on his heels and walked away from me giving me his back to focus on ,he didn’t turn around or even call me until he was right over the other side of the building with another staff member ,cheeky bastard I thought ,where did he get his manners and people skills ? From watching David Brent in" the office" probably.


Anyway I walked over to where they were both standing and I noticed the other man had a badge saying "Team leader " ,so I knew he was a high roller within the department , and after the initial bollocking for supposedly being late ,I eventually signed on for the first time .
I was then handed a job search booklet by Mr Team leader, and informed in a way that you might talk to a retarded child, that I had to fill it in every day with job applications and anything else I was doing to actively seek work. They really do trust your word here, I thought to myself as I fingered through the booklet on my way out, and not only that! Their people skills seem to be second to none.
Once outside and in the fresh air again I noticed a lot of the same people I saw on the way in, still milling about and chatting, fuck me! I thought, it must be a day out for them, a chance to catch
up with their old pals that they haven’t seen since last time they signed, two weeks ago.
And with the dread of becoming one of them, just another social security number, I disappeared into the street hoping and praying I wouldn’t be on the dole for too long.
The first two weeks went past quite quickly, and I found myself ready to sign again, I still hadn’t received any money at this point, but that wasn’t that important as I still had plenty of dirt left in the garden to eat, and a stash of Monopoly money to pay my bills.
The night before signing I filled in my job search, which was harder to do than expected as there is only so much a person with no money and no phone credit can do, also I hadn’t learnt the great art of fabricating the truth yet, and writing things that would please the dole officer while he or she skimmed through my form, I had a lot to learn.
Signing for the second time was a bit more of a smooth process as I had a proper set time, the right floor, and a persons name to help me on my mission, also this time I allowed for unforeseen fuck ups, so arrived extra early.
After some time spent in the queue having a bit of a chat and some banter with my fellow
doyley’s I realised I was in pole position, and next in line to sign. I sat down at the desk feeling as though I was slowly learning the ropes and fitting in to the dole way of life .I was asked for my job search which I handed to the man behind the desk who almost immediately frowned at it and said "there aint a lot there is there ?" this stunned me ,what does he want I thought ," well I haven’t received a dole check yet and getting about and phoning jobs is difficult with no credit " I said, hoping for some understanding .Well you will have to do better in the future or you may find your benefits will be stopped ,I was informed. Then as he slid the signing on form towards me he asked “have you done any work paid or unpaid in the last fortnight?” I replied "no", sighed ,and was sent on my way .Next time, I thought to myself ,I will write loads of stuff on that bloody form, whether its true or not ,I was slowly but surely learning how to survive on the dole, and fit quietly into their "tick box" system.
The following Wednesday my dole check arrived and I was pleased to say the least. I rushed up to the post office to cash it .On arrival the post office was packed ,it was dinner time an everyone and their brothers seemed to be in
there waiting to be seen by the one and only cashier open .Why do they close all the fucking counters at dinner time I thought ,when everyone needs them open because its lunch hour and its the only free time they have in a working day Finally after a long hot wait I got to the cashier and handed her the dole cheque and asked her for a book of stamps to cover the fact that I was cashing my giro ,which worked fine right up to the point of her almost shouting " how do you want your dole money " Christ I could have died with embarrassment, I could feel my head radiating as I said " anyway as long as its money " .The cashier begrudgingly counted out the money as slow as she could, and I left in a hurry .Next time I will have it paid straight into my bank account I thought as I went to buy some much needed food .


SHOPPING

Now shopping for food is a bit of an art form for a doley, it requires a lot of cunning and expert timing .Firstly you need to lower your competition for "the bargains", so shopping is best done when others are busy doing other things like picking the kids up from school at 3 0 clock or watching east enders 7.30 or watching bloody football is a good one as the supermarkets are deserted as soon as the game starts, especially on a world cup game or some other so called important kick about .Personally I choose the early evening, just as the workers have chilled out in front of the goggle box for a night of fucking x factor or whatever else tripe they are force fed by means of the TV medium, also as an added bonus this seems to be a perfect time to get the nearly out of date and price reduced food bargains before they are so wastefully