TOONIS by Martin "Tater" Boring (free e novels txt) 📕

............ TOONIS ............

Today I Thought I would tell you about what my Uncle Toonis is like…. He is the Son of Macy and Dixon Rudiebager Born on February the Twenty-ninth Nineteen Hundred and Twenty-four. Thats Right on a Leap Day.
He is also the Twin Brother of my Aunt Eunice….. He’s a funny lookin man …. His once Dark hair has turned thin and gray …. He’s shrunk some now, but he used to stand Six foot and one inches tall … which doesn’t seem so unusual until you realize this man only Weighed a Hundred an thirty pounds! …. He was a human pipe cleaner. …. You would a never guessed He and Eunice were twins ….I Wouldnt have believed it myself ... If not for one old family photo that ya can see on the cover of this here story. I can't tell which one is which and I don't think they Know either cause When I ask em ..... All Toonis Tells me is "I'm the GOOT Lookin One!" and All Eunice ever says is "I'm the One born with All the Brains!" ....
Well She seem Did much older… and She was too! …. By a Whole FOUR Minutes!…..He was pretty much quieter for the most part ….
Now Us kids weren’t ever near as scared of Uncle Toonis as we would have been of my Aunt (Or Granny as Most of us call her)…. However he did seem to rejoice whenever we got in trouble and Eunice was about to lay down the law …… Toonis would rush out to the mulberry bush to find the biggest limb on it to give to Eunice while laughing at us about how we were gonna get it! …. He would sound like he was our younger brother singing … “You’re gonna get it .. You’re Gonna get it” …….. I think it was just that he was happy it wasn’t him for a change.
Now growin up I had thought Eunice and Toonis were married …. After I had gotten what she thought was Old enough … momma (Junebug) told me about Eunice’s husband Baez …. Rest His soul … and that he had some kind of accident…. Momma also told me that Toonis had been married and supposedly has a wife out there somewhere? … but that’s a story for a later date : - ) …..
Anyway Toonis had ended up Moving in with Eunice sometime around the Mid 1950’s ... after Baez ... (Rest His Soul) ... passed away.
Toonis was never a well to do man, infact … our whole family was pretty much dirt poor people , But we’ve always been able to lean on one another to get through the tough times ….. I know in the old days Momma who was their younger sister used to help Eunice out in the summers mainly cause there were just so many kids! …. and one particular rough time momma stayed a whole year! ...
That was the same Year that Eunice's Only Daughter Rowena was Born or Aunt Roe as we call her … She was the Only girl out of 13 Kids! ... You talk about One over protected sister.... She was the Princess of the Dinwiddies!
Course Momma was Glad to help ... that’s just the way our family is ….. they never needed a lot of money ….. and it sure makes it a Lot easier when ya grow nearly all of your own food. ….You would think that clothes would be a big deal but not when they had almost All boys …. Once ya bought for the Oldest then it was just hand me downs to the rest of em … now by the time Olen (the youngest) got a pair of jeans you could bet they’d already have a half a dozen patches on em :p … and of course a worn out pair of pants would simply be used to make new patches : - ) ……..
Now while Toonis never made a lot of money … all that was really required was to have enough to pay the tax man….. and he certainly was able to manage that with his job as a chicken tender down at Earl’s Chicken Coop……
I don’t think Toonis ever “Loved” his work but he somehow managed to work there from the time he was thirteen … until he retired….. Now if there was anything you ever needed to know about Chickens …… including What they Smell Like! ….. You just go see old Toonis …
Sad to say but that smell followed him Everywhere :-s ….. I didn’t notice it when I was young cause that’s just the way it always was ….. it wasn’t until I had been out of the house and gone for awhile that I found out it wasn’t supposed to smell like that and how bad it was :-s …..
I had come home from Boot camp and Toonis wanted to Treat me to Lunch. … He picked me up in his Old pickup truck and we headed up to a Diner up the Road a ways….. He had his favorite dog in the back “Ole Bo” and at first I thought Bo had must a been riding up front and stunk up the truck …. But it didn’t seem to be going away! …..
I noticed after we got to the diner … people were going out of their way to sit away from us even though we had us a good window seat…. I started realizing that this was one of those things Toonis had always put up with …. Made me feel sad for him :-s ….. Made me wonder if that was why he always kept to himself for the most part.
Now Don’t get me wrong now ….. Toonis is usually only quiet around the folks we don’ know. He was always quick to try to embarrass us kids or pull a prank on us. …
I won’t forget One time I took him down to A Big Do it yourself store!.... One of those places that sells everything from Door bells to porcelain thrones. …… We were walking through that store and headed down the Paint Aisle, … about halfway down that row they had a counter set up for mixing paint and behind it were these two young fellows …. I couldn’t tell ya why … but these two boys looked like they were about to bust a gut laffin’ as we were approachin and I was thinkin’ .. how awful Rude of em! ….. But they wasn’t the Only ones as there was a young lady up on a ladder right behind them ….. apparently putting some paint away up on a high shelf ….. well she was lookin down at them and trying not to laff herself …………. I’m lookin to make sure Toonis had his drawers up … checkin to make sure my fly was zipped and wonderin just what the heck they wuz a laffin about! ………
About that time we approached the intersection of that aisle which just happened to be right in front of their counter and that’s when I saw what had these fellows in such a tizzie :p ………
Just out of our view on the other side of the Aisle we were walking up was this Young lady who I must say was very pretty ….. She was on the thin side, had long brown hair and was wearin this little thin knit summer Blue dress. She also had a very nice bronze tan … but the Part that you could not Miss was ….. It Looked like this Little Gal was trying to Shoplift two basketballs outta that store up underneath that dress …. Oh My! …. If that Store had a sold sports equipment I am quite sure she would have been arrested! .......
She looked like one of those special oversized dancing girls that they advertise down at One of those Gentlemens Clubs :-s … Not that I would Know Anything about that : - ) ……
Well Leave it to Toonis! …. As soon as he caught eye of her, … he all of a sudden Stops,…. Does a Double Take … and yells loud enough for the state of Texas to hear …. “OH MY GAWD …… ARE THOSE REAL!!!!!!!! ???” …..
OMG I wanted to Die! ……. The two boys behind the counter dove down and hit the floor … they literally disappeared behind the counter ….
The girl on the ladder liked to have fell off but managed to catch herself by a rail …….. and THEN … Toonis walks up to this little fake flowered tree beside the counter … Turns back to me and Hollars ……”Check it Out Tater …. Its Made out of Silk!” …with a Huge grin on his face. ………
Can’t take that Man anywhere! :p
And that’s Toonis in a nutshell :-)

Text: Cover Photo from the Boring Family photo collection: Photographer unknown Story Idea, Characters, Concept, Property of Martin and Boring please do not print or copy without permission
Publication Date: 02-19-2011

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