Battle Strong by Elizabeth McCready (have you read this book TXT) 📕

Beth looked sad, he knew she wouldn’t know how to respond to that. So he didn’t make her, “But, I’m still here. So there’s still time. I’m going to be fine, kill tons of people tomorrow.” He attempted a smile and walked out of the commons. But he wasn’t sure he’d be fine.

Journal. 26 Days Remaining.

I'm still working past the whole, 'Beth is here,' idea. I was always under the impression that she was good. But good was all I thought of her. Not this good. It makes me wonder what she went through these past years. She is here. Of course she's here. That's my luck. Beth is in the one place that I escape. Escape from the thought and memories of her. No more safe zones. No more running from her. She is here. In the flesh, like literally here. What am I doing? Beth is here. She is hard not to look at. Why did I just write that? But, I suppose it's not a lie. She's beautiful. In every way. Except for the way that makes her a deceptive daughter of Quill.

die. die. die. die. One of us should just die, that's what we are here for anyway. Maybe it would be easier than dealing with the pain of seeing her than knowing I never would again. Yeah, she hurt me, yeah, she made me into someone I never wanted to be with what she did, but it's still Beth. She's still Beth. And I can’t blame it all on her. It’s King Mansford’s fault, if he had never taken me from Humes none of this would have happened. That man is truly sinister, but thankfully I don’t think he was able to figure out who I was before sending me here. Our whole lives, Beth and I had worked to stay hidden from the court. She would have been taken if it weren’t for me. They were there to gather the best of the best, and I was the reason they didn’t take her. I explained it all in those letters, careful not to give away any crucial details in case some shit delivery man got nosy. But she never even addressed what I said in those letters. All she sent was the letter detailing her hatred for me. I could never understand why she would say that. I told her I would come back for her, and I intended to until I received that letter. Instead, I worked to get where I am now, only to be met by her. Why her? Why put me through this? I am so distracted. She is all I think of. It’s Beth for Quill’s sake..

I still remember. Of course, I still remember. It's Beth. If I ever forgot about her, I would also forget myself.

 I still see. Of course, I still see. It's Beth. If I ever stopped seeing her, I myself would no longer exist.

 I still care. Of course, I still care. It's Beth. If I ever stopped caring about her, it would be the end of me.

 I still want her. Of course, I still want her. It's Beth. If I ever stopped wanting her, I would no longer be me.

 I still love her. Of course, I still love her. It's Beth. If I ever stopped loving her.... I wouldn't.

Being me, is loving Beth.

I made a promise to her, I would never stop caring for and protecting her. 

I don't care because of the promise, I care because she's still Beth. 

Part of me will always be hers, but it may be better to feel that way from a distance.

She's still Beth. She's still dangerous, deadly even. Beth is Beth. And Beth is not a normal girl.

 Anderson J. Rockwell.

Battle was a routine. Wake up, travel, kill, travel, sleep, repeat. And that day was just like any other. The remaining six fighters, waved to Chaess as the bus started off as they started doing every day. They went out to the battlefield, they mutilated the hell out of some Dumarian soldiers, and returned back. Only that day, when they came home, nothing would be the same.

Beth was the one that found him, lying unconscious in a pool of his own blood. Screaming. More blood. Chaess’s blood. She dropped to the ground screaming his name, screaming for the others. Screaming for help. The healer had been notified. She couldn’t breath. Someone ripped his shirt off, his wound was reopened, he had dozens of new ones. There was a message, Stievan said, written in blood on the wall of the commons, no survivors, royal blood will be spilled. She didn’t even need to hear who smeared the gut wrenching message. He was still breathing, a hint of hope. Hands, dragging her backwards. Noeh and Ander on other side, the healer demanding she be taken out of the room while Quinn and Pietre searched for any soldiers who may have stuck around. Why would he be left alone, she demanded over and over. Nothing could be changed. What was done. She demanded to know if he would survive. Only time would tell.

*~*

She was sitting at his side when the healer entered the large room in the Commons where they had set up a temporary bed for Chaess to stay in; they hadn't wanted him to be stuffed in one of the cabin bunks. Her eyes were heavy with exhaustion from the endless hours she'd spent at Chaess's side.

"Beth?" She raised her head to the man dressed in white.

"Yes, I'm Beth."

"Your team explained what happened, even Chaess shared a bit, this wasn't your fault." The man said without shifting an eye to her as he began working on Chaess. "How long have you been with him?"

"I-I don't know. Some time last night, I haven't left since." She said pushing her hair from her face.

"Have you gotten sleep?"

"No, he needs rest and someone to stay with him. He can’t be alone again. He can’t." The healer then looked to her.

"I don't think your team would appreciate the loss of two of their fighters." Beth looked back, a bit of shame towered over her. "Exhaustion and war do not make the best combination."

"I'm not going to leave him." The healer put down his tools and sat next to Beth.

"This isn't your fault, and it is not your problem to fix. Right now, I am giving him all the care and companionship he needs. I am going to ask you politely once, but after that, grace will no longer be offered. You need to dismiss yourself, and I need to work to save your friend."

Beth narrowed her eyes, looking from Chaess to the healer. Slowly she rose from her chair, she didn't want to leave. But, she obeyed the healer. She could hardly walk, much less make the trek to her cabin though it wasn't too far. She instead walked to the stables where she curled up in the corner of her stall and fell asleep quicker than she had ever before.

*~*

Beth woke to the sight of Noeh shaking her body senseless. Tears streaming down his face, before he said a word. She knew. They'd killed Chaess Belleza.

She couldn't even hear what Noeh was saying through his aggressive sobbing, the world was moving in slow motion, she couldn't hear, she couldn't speak she couldn't move. She felt the very essence of herself being sucked out of her, she felt the heart in her chest shattering into a million irrecoverable pieces. The world was a blur. Her arms and legs refused to listen to her mind. She was overwhelmed with a whirlwind of thousands of different emotions, each nailing into with the strong arm and hammer of suffocating grief. She felt strange things deep inside her bones, things that ached to come out. For some reason, she wanted to let them out, part of her felt like she was supposed to. But the agony consumed her. She fought every last urge to snap Noeh's neck for bearing such news to her. Even though she knew it wasn't his fault- it was hers. She was so angry at herself, she knew she should've stayed with Chaess. Beth's entire body shook, she knew she needed something. She needed help, she needed-- She didn't even know what she needed, not until he came.

*~*

Once Noeh had told him where to find Beth, Ander couldn't control his body from sprinting to the stables where Beth's emotionless body lay in a mess of straw and pine shavings. There were tears streaming down her face, but she wasn't crying, not that he could tell. Her face looked as though it had been turn to stone, as though she had reached her point of no return. He slowly moved to her, and brushed a thumb across her cheek. Death. Death had torn her spirit, her loving, adventurous, beautiful spirit. She had been destroyed by the death and betrayal of most of her family, all she had was her mother. And now, here death was, clawing its black, cold hands through her life once again. His Beth-- she was being destroyed more again.

"Beth," He whispered to her, her eyes lifted, emotion filling her face like the air filled her lungs the night she surfaced on the lake. She sobbed, her face distorted, he could tell that there were more emotions than even she was aware of coursing through her like water in a river. Despite how much he wanted to run, he pulled her body close. She hid her face in his chest, the emotions pouring out of her like a hurricane of mass destruction, she cried until she couldn't bare to cry any longer.

"He's dead." She cried under breath.

"I know," He said softly stroking her hair and holding her close. "I know."

"Ander," She sobbed, he pulled her closer.

"It's okay, you're going to be okay."

"I need to see him." She shook from his grip, "I need to see him!" She screamed.

"Beth, you don't want to see him like that." He tried to calm her.

"Please." He stared into her tear filled eyes, he saw the utter desperation that now consumed her. He stood from his spot and offered a hand to her. Together they walked from the stables to a hole on the edge of the forest far from where they had visited before. Ander looked to Beth who was observing the body in the ground with her red-rimmed