Battle Strong by Elizabeth McCready (have you read this book TXT) 📕

“What’s wrong?” She asked stepping closer to him, and his vision blurred. “Ander?”

“I’m fine, I just-.” Ander said. He ran hand through his hair, “They know who you are, Beth. This just got dangerous. I mean, what if they came here for you-”

“And Chaess was collateral damage.” She looked down, but didn’t show any glimpse of anger or sadness. 

“You didn’t do this.”

“I know, but regardless he is gone. And now, knowing what they have found out,” She said lowering her voice, “Chaess’s death may not be the only one being taken in place of mine.”

Ander nodded, “We can’t tell the others, but they have to know we are all at risk.”

“Would telling them be so bad though. I mean, if they knew, would that really be so bad?” 

“Beth, you can’t put yourself more at risk. You can’t okay? Not yet.” She looked at him, just for a moment and nodded as she looked away.

“They can’t know.” Just then, they heard a shuffle outside of the office door.

“I’m going to go check on bedding.” Ander said loudly and walked out the door so fast, she didn’t even have time to respond.

He walked out the door to find Noeh standing near the door, he paused for a moment, but continued on. He couldn’t act suspicious, Beth was in danger now. If Noeh didn’t hear what they were talking about, there was no reason to berate him about it. But what if he had. Ander’s heart pounded, he could only hope that Noeh didn’t hear what had been said. 

Ander could hardly breathe. He realized something the day Beth was kidnapped, he finally understood what had been driving him crazy since day one. He knew that he wanted her to stay safe, even if it cost him. Unfortunately, he figured that someday it would.

*~*

Quinn looked everywhere for something that even remotely resembled a pillow. He’d found huge blankets that looked as though they had never been used. They had clips and straps, so he assumed they were for the horses but he couldn’t understand why. They have fur. Why in hell would they need a blanket? He dropped it, horse blankets just added to the things he’d never understand. He gathered up six of the huge, monochrome, pointless blankets intended for the fully furred horses, and dropped them between Calypso and Kamau’s stalls.

“Quinn, I need your opinion.”  Pietre said as if he was debating getting Quinn’s opinion in the first place. “I was tasked with finding a place for us to sleep. If it came down to sleeping in the hay loft or in one of the horse rooms with the wood bits on the floor, which would you choose?”

Quinn blinked a few times, dumbfounded by the question, “I mean, the horse room- stall,” he corrected himself, “Wouldn’t already have a horse in it.. Right?” he asked.

“You’re serious? No, you dolt, we would use the two empty ones.”

“Well, the stalls would be dusty and crowded, but the hay loft would be itchy. If we moved all the bales out of the way, it would be big enough for sure.” He paused. “Are you sure we are going to have to sleep in here? I mean how hard would it be for us to just swim?”

“Right, have you looked outside lately?” Pietre asked, “I think the chances of us leaving this barn are slim to none.”

“Stable.” Quinn corrected as if he were a mother correcting her child. “And I really think we’d be able to get out there.”

“Go look for yourself.” Pietre said gesturing to the door, and Quinn walked over to the big sliding door in the main aisle of the stable, pushing it aside just enough to see the river-like rushing water flowing where the down-hill path used to be. “So what’ll it be? Straw room or horse room?”

“Hayloft. Stall. It’s not that difficult, Pietre.” He sighed. “Hayloft it is.”

*~*

Beth didn’t look up as she passed Quinn and Pietre bickering, whatever the two of them were up to was beyond her. She kept walking and stopped in front of Calypso’s stall. She peered in at the nearly sleeping mare, and smiled.

“Hey, you.” She whispered kindly as she unlatched the stall door and slid it open. Calypso turned her dark face to Beth, her ears flicked forward. Beth latched the door shut behind her, and stroked the horse’s muzzle. She rested her head on Calypso’s. “I’m happy they brought you.”

Both horse and girl were content listening to the rain patter on the roof and the faint sound of voices chattering in the hay loft. She looked up to the source of the sound and saw the boys moving hay bales. Her eyes rested on Ander, his arms were exposed out of his now sleeveless shirt, his muscles tense. She couldn’t peel her eyes away, not until his met hers.  She reverted her attention back to her horse, feeling the heat on her face. She smiled, at Calypso. Her precious reminder of home. She could’ve stayed in that very spot for days if it hadn’t been for the storm. But, she decided it was best if she were present to subside whatever chaos the boys would stir. She patted Calypso one last time before making her way to the hay loft to see what kind of mess they were making up there, and also to figure out what it was they were doing exactly.

She climbed notably rotted wooden stairs up to the hayloft, it was clear to her that the only upkeep done in the entire place was in the main aisle and the stalls. Beth hated that. She decided that if she had time while she was here, she would work on it. When she reached the top of the stairs, she peeked over the stacked bales of straw and hay to see Pietre and Quinn laying down horse blankets over flattened piles of loose hay, Ander moving bales to stacks around the border of the loft, and the other two nowhere to be seen. 

“How’s it going up here?” she asked pensively.

“It’s going.. I guess.” Quinn scoffed and Beth chuckled at the hay and straw all over his body and in his hair. “You can laugh now, but you won’t think it’s so funny when you wake up in the middle of the night scratching every last bit of exposed, itchy skin on your body.”

“When I wake up?” She giggled.
“We are sleeping here tonight.” Ander said leaning on the bales closest to her.

“Interesting, though I can’t say I’m surprised. The flood is still rising.” She said, “Need any help?”

“We are actually almost finished. Is Noeh back with food?” Pietre asked all too seriously.

“Ander and I saw him a few minutes ago, he had a bag of towels with him.”

“He better have gotten food too, or he’ll have me to deal with.” Pietre said dropping the blankets and storming down the stairs, Beth laughed, rolling her eyes. 

She shook her head and started down the stairs to feed the horses before it got too late. She had only been in the feed room a few seconds when Ander joined her.

“Need a hand?” he asked.

“Sure, you can take the buckets as I fill them.” She said with a smile.

“Have you looked at the chart?” Ander said resting a hand on her lower back and reaching in front of her for the feeding chart, with details instructions on portions and types of food to feed.

“Thank you.” She said with a slight redness in her cheeks. 

She filled the buckets with the appropriate amounts and types of feed and watched Ander as he took each one out to the stall she’d told him. While he was taking the last of the feed, she grabbed a new bag from the corner of the room and emptied it into the nearly empty food bin she had been using.

“You seem to know what you are doing in here.” Ander said, dropping dirty buckets off to the side.

“Glad I’m able to fool someone.” They laughed, Beth smiled, she’d always loved the way he laughed. “How long do you think we’ll have to say out here?”

“I guess until the chances of drowning dissipates. It’s probably better we’re stuck in here, who would really go out in the weather to try and feed the horses if we weren’t.” He stared off a little, and she wondered if he was actually picturing someone swimming out to the stable to feed. 

“Ander?” His eyes met hers. “Am I wrong to be angry at him? He really didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault, I was in my head.” His look grew sadder as he rushed to her side, her eyes lowered.

“Hey, that wasn’t your fault. You had just lost someone that you were close with, you were angry, you were,” He paused and really looked at her. “You were vulnerable, Beth. He should’ve been there in every move you took.”

“He shouldn’t have to. This is war, and it doesn’t stop because someone has feelings, it doesn’t stop because someone died. That’s the point here, isn’t it? People die, Ander. I shouldn’t have been vulnerable, I should’ve been able to take care of myself. I trained for this, we were desensitized to this.”

“You also trained to have each other’s backs at all times.There were too many of them, Beth. Honestly, I don’t think anyone would’ve been able to help. But, he should’ve been paying better attention, if not because it was in his training then because those were his specific instructions from his Captain. You were supposed to be his mission that day.”

“Like Chaess was mine when he was pierced through his chest?”

“Beth, that was different and you know it.” He said.

“Was it? Was it any different at all, Ander? I was supposed to have his back and then I didn’t. I didn’t save him, I didn’t protect him.”

“That was not your fault, Beth, you were fighting, you were doing your job, and you had his back, but one, one blade, slipped through. There was nothing you could’ve done different. Look,” He put his hand on her cheek and moved her face to look at his. “I don’t know if I will ever be okay with the fact he didn’t keep them away from you. Even if it was nearly impossible. But, you don’t have to be mad at him for falling short. If you think that you should or even can move past this then, Beth, please do. But, you need to forgive yourself too. You need to stop blaming yourself for what you couldn’t do. You need to stop cutting yourself down over the things that are out of your control. Please. Because if you think he deserves to be forgiven, then you deserve it too.” He stroked a thumb softly across her face before leaving the room.

*~*

Noeh found himself sitting on uncomfortable itchy hay. He was not happy about it to say the least.

“I swear, if those blankets are supposed to be some sort of bedding I will lose my mind.”

“Should we call the healers now, or..?” Pietre joked as he plopped down on the blankets resting his interlocked hands behind his head. 

“You can’t be serious, we are actually sleeping on this shit?” He demanded.

“He’s serious.” Quinn grumbled leaning back on a stack of bales while Noeh groveled complaints.

“If you would rather sleep outside you are more than welcome.” Beth said as she walked up the stairs. 

“At least it’s better than sleeping on…” Steivan paused, clearly in deep thought. “You know, I can’t really think of anything worse than itchy hay.” Everyone laughed.

“It’s certainly better than concrete or mud.” Pietre said all too seriously, everyone got silent and turned their heads when they heard Ander coming up the stairs. Noeh made no attempt to hide the rolling of his eyes at the sight of the captain.

“It’s already late, there’s really no telling whether we are going to battle tomorrow, but as of