The Infernal Marriage by Benjamin Disraeli (best books to read txt) 📕

/> 'I have heard that she is lovely,' answered Clotho. 'Indeed, it is impossible to account for the affair in any other way.'

''Tis neither possible to account for nor to justify it,' squeaked Megaera.

'Is there, indeed, a Queen in Hell?' moaned Alecto.

'We shall hold no more drawing-rooms,' said Lachesis.

'We will never attend hers,' said the Furies.

'You must,' replied the Fates.

'I have no doubt she will give herself airs,' shrieked Tisiphone.

'We must remember where she has been brought up, and be considerate,' replied Lachesis.

'I dare say you three will get on very well with her,' squeaked Megasra. 'You always get on well with people.'

'We must remember how very strange things here must appear to her,' observed Atropos.

'No one can deny that there are some very disagreeable sights,' said Clotho.

'There is something in that,' replied Tisiphone, looking in the glass, and arranging her serpents; 'and for my part, poor girl, I almost pity her, when I think she will have to visit the Harpies.'

At this moment four little pages entered the room, who, without exception, were the most hideous dwarfs that ever attended upon a monarch. They were clothed only in parti-coloured tunics, and their breasts and legs were quite bare. From the countenance of the first you would have supposed he was in a convulsion; his hands were clenched and his hair stood on end: this was Terror! The protruded veins of the second seemed ready to burst, and his rubicund visage decidedly proved that he had blood in his head; this was Rage! The third was of an ashen colour throughout: this was Paleness! And the fourth, with a countenance not without traces of beauty, was even more disgusting than his companions from the quantity of horrible flies, centipedes, snails, and other noisome, slimy, and indescribable monstrosities that were crawling all about his body and feeding on his decaying features. The name of this fourth page was Death!

'The King and Queen!' announced the pages.

Pluto, during the night, had prepared Proserpine for the worst, and had endeavoured to persuade her that his love would ever compensate for all annoyances. She was in excellent spirits and in very good humour; therefore, though she could with difficulty stifle a scream when she recognised the Furies, she received the congratulations of the Parcae with much cordiality.

'I have the pleasure, Proserpine, of presenting you to my family,' said Pluto.

'Who, I am sure, hope to make Hades agreeable to your Majesty,' rejoined Clotho. The Furies uttered a suppressed sound between a murmur and a growl.

'I have ordered the chariot,' said Pluto. 'I propose to take the Queen a ride, and show her some of our lions.'

'She will, I am sure, be delighted,' said Lachesis.

'I long to see Ixion,' said Proserpine.

'The wretch!' shrieked Tisiphone.

'I cannot help thinking that he has been very unfairly treated,' said Proserpine.

'What!' squeaked Megaera. 'The ravisher!'

'Ay! it is all very well,' replied Proserpine; 'but, for my part, if we knew the truth of that affair-----'

'Is it possible that your Majesty can speak in such a tone of levity of such an offender?' shrieked Tisiphone.

'Is it possible?' moaned Alecto.

'Ah! you have heard only one side of the question; but for my part, knowing as much of Juno as I do-----'

'The Queen of Heaven!' observed Atropos, with an intimidating glance.

'The Queen of Fiddlestick!' said Proserpine; 'as great a flirt as ever existed, with all her prudish looks.'

The Fates and the Furies exchanged glances of astonishment and horror.

'For my part,' continued Proserpine, 'I make it a rule to support the weaker side, and nothing will ever persuade me that Ixion is not a victim, and a pitiable one.'

'Well! men generally have the best of it in these affairs,' said Lachesis, with a forced smile.

'Juno ought to be ashamed of herself,' said Proserpine. 'Had I been in her situation, they should have tied me to a wheel first. At any rate, they ought to have punished him in Heaven. I have no idea of those people sending every _mauvais sujet_ to Hell.'

'But what shall we do?' inquired Pluto, who wished to turn the conversation.

'Shall we turn out a sinner and hunt him for her Majesty's diversion?' suggested Tisiphone, flanking her serpents.

'Nothing of the kind will ever divert me,' said Proserpine; 'for I have no hesitation in saying that I do not at all approve of these eternal punishments, or, indeed, of any punishment whatever.'

'The heretic!' whispered Tisiphone to Megaera. Alecto moaned.

'It might be more interesting to her Majesty,' said Atropos, 'to witness some of those extraordinary instances of predestined misery with which Hades abounds. Shall we visit OEdipus?'

'Poor fellow!' exclaimed Proserpine. 'For myself, I willingly confess that torture disgusts and Destiny puzzles me.'

The Fates and the Furies all alike started.

'I do not understand this riddle of Destiny,' continued the young Queen. 'If you, Parcae, have predestined that a man should commit a crime, it appears to me very unjust that you should afterwards call upon the Furies to punish him for its commission.'

'But man is a free agent,' observed Lachesis, in as mild a tone as she could command.

'Then what becomes of Destiny?' replied Proserpine.

'Destiny is eternal and irresistible,' replied Clotho. 'All is ordained; but man is, nevertheless, master of his own actions.'

'I do not understand that,' said Proserpine.

'It is not meant to be understood,' said Atropos; 'but you must nevertheless believe it.'

'I make it a rule only to believe what I understand,' replied Proserpine.

'It appears,' said Lachesis, with a blended glance of contempt and vengeance, 'that your Majesty, though a goddess, is an atheist.'

'As for that, anybody may call me just what they please, provided they do nothing else. So long as I am not tied to a wheel or whipped with scorpions for speaking my mind, I shall be as tolerant of the speech and acts of others as I expect them to be tolerant of mine. Come, Pluto, I am sure that the chariot must be ready!'

So saying, her Majesty took the arm of her spouse, and with a haughty curtsey left the apartment.

'Did you ever!' shrieked Tisiphone, as the door closed.

'No! never!' squeaked Megaera.

'Never! never!' moaned Alecto.

'She must understand what she believes, must she?' said Lachesis, scarcely less irritated.

'I never heard such nonsense,' said Clotho.

'What next!' said Atropos.

'Disgusted with torture!' exclaimed the Furies.

'Puzzled with Destiny!' said the Fates.

It was the third morning after the Infernal Marriage; the slumbering Proserpine reposed in the arms of the snoring Pluto. There was a loud knocking at the chamber-door. Pluto jumped up in the middle of a dream.

'My life, what is the matter?' exclaimed Proserpine.

The knocking was repeated and increased. There was also a loud shout of 'treason, murder, and fire!'

'What is the matter?' exclaimed the god, jumping out of bed and seizing his trident. 'Who is there?'

'Your pages, your faithful pages! Treason! treason! For the sake of Hell, open the door. Murder, fire, treason!'

'Enter!' said Pluto, as the door was unlocked.

And Terror and Rage entered.

'You frightful things, get out of the room!' cried Proserpine.

'A moment, my angel!' said Pluto, 'a single moment. Be not alarmed, my best love; I pray you be not alarmed. Well, imps, why am I disturbed?'

'Oh!' said Terror. Rage could not speak, but gnashed his teeth and stamped his feet.

'O-o-o-h!' repeated Terror.

'Speak, cursed imps!' cried the enraged Pluto; and he raised his arm.

'A man! a man!' cried Terror. 'Treason, treason! a man! a man!'

'What man?' said Pluto, in a rage.

'A man, a live man, has entered Hell!'

'You don't say so?' said Proserpine; 'a man, a live man. Let me see him immediately.'

'Where is he?' said Pluto; 'what is he doing?'

'He is here, there, and everywhere! asking for your wife, and singing like anything.'

'Proserpine!' said Pluto, reproachfully; but, to do the god justice, he was more astounded than jealous.

'I am sure I shall be delighted to see him; it is so long since I have seen a live man,' said Proserpine. 'Who can he be? A man, and a live man! How delightful! It must be a messenger from my mother.'

'But how came he here?'

'Ah! how came he here?' echoed Terror.

'No time must be lost!' exclaimed Pluto, scrambling on his robe. 'Seize him, and bring him into the council chamber. My charming Proserpine, excuse me for a moment.'

'Not at all; I will accompany you.'

'But, my love, my sweetest, my own, this is business; these are affairs of state. The council chamber is not a place for you.'

'And why not?' said Proserpine. 'I have no idea of ever leaving you for a moment. Why not for me as well as for the Fates and the Furies? Am I not Queen? I have no idea of such nonsense!'

'My love!' said the deprecating husband.

'You don't go without me,' said the imperious wife, seizing his robe.

'I must,' said Pluto.

'Then you shall never return,' said Proserpine.

'Enchantress! be reasonable.'

'I never was, and I never will be,' replied the Goddess.

'Treason! treason!' screamed Terror.

'My love, I must go!'

'Pluto,' said Proserpine, 'understand me once for all, I will not be contradicted.'

Rage stamped his foot.

'Proserpine, understand me once for all, it is impossible,' said the God, frowning.

'My Pluto!' said the Queen. 'Is it my Pluto who speaks thus sternly to me? Is it he who, but an hour ago, a short hour ago, died upon my bosom in transports and stifled me with kisses! Unhappy woman! wretched, miserable Proserpine! Oh! my mother! my kind, my affectionate mother! Have I disobeyed you for this! For this have I deserted you! For this have I broken your beloved heart!' She buried her face in the crimson counterpane, and bedewed its gorgeous embroidery with her fast-flowing tears.

'Treason!' shouted Terror.

'Ha! ha! ha!' exclaimed the hysterical Proserpine.

'What am I to do?' cried Pluto. 'Proserpine, my adored, my beloved, my enchanting Proserpine, compose yourself; for my sake, compose yourself. I love you! I adore you! You know it! oh! indeed you know it!'

The hysterics increased.

'Treason! treason!' shouted Terror.

'Hold your infernal tongue,' said Pluto. 'What do I care for treason when the Queen is in this state?' He knelt by the bedside, and tried to stop her mouth with kisses, and ever and anon whispered his passion. 'My Proserpine, I beseech you to be calm; I will do anything you like. Come, come, then, to the council!'

The hysterics ceased; the Queen clasped him in her arms and rewarded him with a thousand embraces. Then, jumping up, she bathed her swollen eyes with a beautiful cosmetic that she and her maidens had distilled from the flowers of Enna; and, wrapping herself up in her shawl, descended with his Majesty, who was quite as much puzzled about the cause of this disturbance as when he was first roused.

Crossing an immense covered bridge, the origin of the Bridge of Sighs at Venice, over the royal gardens, which consisted entirely of cypress, the royal pair, preceded by the pages-in-waiting,