Breathless by Morgan Brashear (readnow TXT) 📕

"She does. She's just protective." Jordan always tried to make excuses for Lorane. Being a mother isn't easy. Being a parent isn't easy. She didn't understand why Lorane treated Bri like this because she was the last person on earth that shouldn't be trusted. Some people shouldn't be parents, others just need time. Jordan was just trying to help.

"Jor, don't do this." Bri begged.

"Do what?"

"I need you to be on my side."

"I am." Jordan smiled.

"No, you're defending her!"

"I admit that she is way to tight. She is ridiculous, but she does love you." Brianna took a seat on her bed.

Her mother and her never have had a good relationship. There has always been a deep resentment, the kind that doesn't go away. Brianne has always been close to her father. She cared for him and has always done everything for him. She didn't have the normal father-daughter relationship. She never got the chance to go to father-daughter dances. She never was taken to a baseball game, or any game for that matter. Instead of being taken care of, she was taking care of someone.

Her father wasn't the average age of most dad's. Her parents age difference was twenty eight years. Most people would automatically assume money, but it wasn't. Her father, Robert, was just a man who let a woman, Lorane, stay with him because she was in a tough place. He didn't know her, but they fell in love.

 It sounds all romantic and it was until about five years ago. Brianna remembers the day like it just happened yesterday.

She sat on the couch staring down the hallway into her fathers room. Their screaming could have been heard outside. Brianna was just a child. She was only about 11 years old.

She sat listening to every word. She never heard her parents fight like that. Never.

Her mother had always slept on the couch, its just always how its been. Brianna is aware how odd that may seem, but she never thought twice about it. It was just how things were.

But that night things were different. She sat listening, hearing every word. Robert, her father, accused her mother of cheating, of wasting away years of his life. At first she denied it, and Brianne believe her. Brianna held her and hugged her while she cried that night.

That night was when everything changed.

He called her out for all of her cheating and she denied it. She kept denying it until the tears streamed down her face, but he didn't stop. At first Brianne believed her. Brianne held her as she fell apart. For a while things were rocky. They wouldn't look at each other, they wouldn't even speak. Things didn't get better, we just got used to how they were.

 Eventually she got caught cheating. The late night phone calls. The sneaking around. How late she would stay at 'work'. It became obvious. Brianne couldn't believe her for any longer.

Robert asked Lorane to leave, and she did. She packed up Benjamin and Jaxon and left. She begged Brianna to go with her but she refused. She couldn't leave her father. He could barely stand without having a heart attack, he couldn't fend for himself. He had no family here in New York. Everyone he loved and who loved him was down in the South. He had no one but Brianna, and she couldn't abandon him.

So, she stayed. She took care of him. She cleaned the house and made dinner. She was only twelve. Imagine being just a child, but forced to act like an adult. She never got to go out with her friend. She never was able to act like a child. She grew up watching CNN. She grew up taking care of someone who was suppose to take care of her.

She didn't mind it though. It wasn't something like that. She loved her father and would do anything for him. She wouldn't have had it any other way. She wouldn't have gone with her mother even if she had another choice.

So, now, people ask her now why she's such a kill joy. They ask her why she doesn't smile more. They ask her why she doesn't know how to cut loose. Why she always takes the safe route. Why she is such a realist and pessimist. They ask her all these things, but she doesn't know how to answer. She's just mature. She just matured. She never got to act like a child, so she doesn't know how to have 'fun' and 'just let go'. But, God, she wished she could.

"There will be other parties." Jordan sat across the room from her. Both in silence. Staring at nothing.

"But I still wont be able to go." Bri looked up.

"Its not the end of the world." Jordan stood up and sat on the bed next to her.

"Its not fair though."

"That I agree, but its just a party. You have one more year. Thats it. One more year and you'll be free." Just the thought of it made Brianne smile.

"One more year." Brianna smiled. Jordan put her arm around her and gave her a little squeeze.

"Who needs a party anyway? I'll grab the movies if you get the popcorn." She grinned. It was the same old Friday night routine.

"I'll be back." Bri ran down the hallway to the kitchen. Lorane was sitting at the table with her hands covering her face.

Brianna ignored her and grabbed the popcorn. She threw it in the microwave and stood silently.

"I do what I do because I know best." Lorane spoke.

Brianna sighed. It was the same thing she always hears. It was the same excuse. Every single time. She's never allowed at any of her friends houses. She's never allowed to go anywhere without her mother. Its not like she's a bad kid. She literally never does anything wrong, but its never enough. Nothing ever is.

"How can you know whats best for me?" Brianna asked.

"Because i'm your mother. I know best." She looked up with make up smudged on her cheeks.

"You need to give me space."

"You don't need space. Its too much room for bad things to happen!"

"I can't live life in a bubble! I can't keep doing this. I need to breath!" Brianne was tired of fighting about this. It was an everyday argument. She's seventeen. She's one year from going off to college. She acts like an adult. She's mature and responsible. She doesn't need someone to be so patronizing, so controlling.

"You're not going." Brianna didn't even scream. She stared at her for a moment, the pure disgust present on her face. She slowly walked back to the microwave and took her popcorn back to her room.

She walked in and closed the door quietly behind her, not saying a word.

Jordan noticed the look on her face. She noticed the silence, but didn't say anything. Jordan was good for that. She knew what Brianne needed. She didn't need someone to 'talk' about things with. She just needed someone to be there. She needed someone to care, and she knew that Jor would be there for that.

Jordan grabbed the blankets off the bed and threw them into a pile on the floor. She turned on the movie and they huddled in front of the television.

They didn't speak. They didn't look at each other. They were just there. Together. And thats all that both needed.

2 a.m. Brianne slowly opened her eyes.

At first she just laid there. Not saying a word. Not moving. Not thinking. Just staring and counting the rotations of the ceiling fan above her head. That was until her mind awoke. It began running and spinning her into a downward spiral.

She thought about the day she had a school today. What happened earlier. She recalled everything. It was like this every night.

In school she's the quiet one. She's the one who always knows the answers but never says them aloud, terrified that they may be wrong. She never wants to draw attention to herself, and she's good at staying on the sidelines.

At the beginning of each year, it always starts with teachers being concerned. She's not happy like she should be. She's not as loud as she should be. They would ask things like "Are you okay?" and she would always reply the same way: "I'm okay." and she would give a little smile. Then they would go away. They wouldn't ask again. They wouldn't make a big effort. Thats it.

Usually they ask a couple times in the beginning of the year. Thats not the sad part.

Brianna liked when they asked. It showed that they were concerned. They didn't necessarily care or really wanted to know, but they asked and that stood for something.

The sad part was when they stopped. The way she acted became so normal that people stopped asking if she was okay. They stopped caring, if they ever cared in the beginning. Even the people who are supposed to care, the people who are literally paid to care, don't. But why should they? Who would care about her?

The Guidance Counselor at her school doesn't even know. Guidance Counselors are the ones who are supposed to catch every little sign. They're supposed to care. They're supposed to ask you if you need help, if you're okay. Even if they really don't care, if they're really not concerned, they're supposed to pretend. Thats what they're paid for, right? To give guidance? To help those who need it?

 The Guidance Counselor in Bri's school was Mrs. Courtner. She was a tall, beautiful, red head. She was a wonderful woman. Mrs. Courtner was a good person, but a bad guidance Counselor. She had so much on her plate, with college planning with the seniors and her "guidance" duties. She focused on one more than the other, which left students like Brianna in the dust. They slipped through the cracks and never got the help they needed. It wasn't because she just didn't care; she just wasn't looking hard enough.

Mrs. Courtner see's every student at least twice a day, whether it be in the hallway or in her office. Brianna never went into Mrs. Courtner's office. She saw Bri in the hallway a lot, but never said anything more than, "Good morning, students."

It was a very non-personal greeting. Even with how small her school was, some wondered even if she knew their names.

Mrs. Courtner looks at Brianna everyday and smiles. She looks straight in her eyes, but still see's nothing wrong. Out of everyone. She see nothing wrong. People who don't even know her, knows that somethings wrong.

A part of Brianne knows that its not personal. She knows that its a good thing that she doesn't ask her if she's okay. She hates when people pester her about her lack of happiness, but sometimes she just needs to know that someone cares. She needs someone to tell her that everything will be okay. Because it has to be okay. Things have to work out. Someone has to care.

Jordan left early that morning. Brianne walked to the living room and saw her mother sleeping on the couch. It wasn't normal for her mother to still be asleep at noon. Every one in her house stayed up late and work up before